Is this a toxic friendship?

A_luc · ‎23-10-2019

So I have this best friend. And when we are good, we are super strong. But when we are bad, I am always super sad and I always feel as though I have done something wrong. It's as though I can't stick up for myself around him and talk to him because I am scared that he will get mad and I will lose him. Some days all his wants to do is hang around me but other days (like today) he wont even sit next to me in class and then when we get out of that class he talks to me like nothing happened. He genuinely messed with my mood in a way that no one else can and I know he is really hurting me as this has been going on for a while. He can be really mean to me and I will be on the verge of crying, but as soon as he is nice to me again I instantly forgive him and pretend like it didn't happen. If this was anyone else I would stop being friends with them, but like it's him I don't want to stop being friends with him because I want him in my life. I just don't know what to do.

Aaronsis · ‎24-10-2019

Good Morning A.luc

I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time at school with your friend, it is so wonderful you have found yourself here at talking, we are here for you and to support you.

I can hear how torn you are by feeling hurt and betrayed by your friend as well as totally confused as to why he would treat you like this if he is indeed your friend. Friendships are really tricky to manage and especially if you are feeling very vulnerable in the friendship even more sensitive.

Are you in a position to put it to your friend and make him perhaps explain his way of treating you..something to the effect of.." Hey X, that is really not cool when you speak to me like that, have I done something to upset you or is there something you want to chat about?"

I also hear how much you want to be this person's friend however bad behaviour is not acceptable from anyone and you almost have to teach him how to treat you and let him know that you do have feelings and that you wont tollerate him treating you like that. It is ok for him to have other friends and to sit with other people but it is not ok for him to hang out with you one moment and the next make you feel very bad about yourself.

Are there some other people that you can spend some time with? I know this is tough as you want to spend it with your friend but making new friends will help too I think.

I am so very sorry you are going through this and I am not sure if I have helped you in anyway A.luc

Come back and chat anytime

Hugs to you

AS

A_luc · ‎26-10-2019

Hi Aaronsis,

This did help. I guess I continued to put up with his behaviour because I didn't want to stick up for myself because I was scared he would get mad. I realise now that I shouldn't tolerate it and I deserve to stick up for myself and fight for myself when it comes to someone who is hurting me. I feel like I knew this all along and I was in denial but thank you for further helping me open my eyes.

Thank you,

A

Aaronsis · ‎28-10-2019

Good Morning A

I am so very very happy that you have seen how much worth you have and that you do not deserve to be treated like that, no one does. He is important to you and you need to show him how to treat you and if that means stepping away as you will not tolerate being made to feel bad about yourself then that is fine.

You should absolutely stick up for yourself 100%, at the end of the day you have to look after you, and I am so happy you are going to do that.

Hope you are having a wonderful day and here to chat anytime A

Cheers

AS

Ben_L · ‎05-11-2019

Hey A.luc, thanks for reaching out for help to beyond blue,

I can say that i've had the exact same experience you are currently going through, i had a friend i'd known for 8 years and we were really close, we did everything together, but over time we grew apart and started having different interests, i tried to adapt to what he wanted but it just wasn't me. In the end, what I'm trying to say is don't ever change to someone that your friend wants you to be if it makes you uncomfortable, I think taking on Aaronsis's advice will help you and look forward to hearing how things go in the future.

Here if need to chat 🙂