Is my mother emotionally abusive?

[Amali_Cu]

I’m not sure if my mother is emotionally abusive or not. However in someway she is.
She works a lot, so I don’t see her much.
More than most of the time, my mum and I are arguing. She will be so unreasonable and push me to the point where I say something I regret. For instance, she made me late to school because my brother took ages to get ready and she would say its my fault. She would laugh and say I’m ridiculous. It got to the point where I called her a b****. She always over exaggerates and tells my dad lies. The next week whenever I saw her she would always bring it up. OH “Im just a fat b****”, oh i can’t do anything cuz I’m a b. She would carry it on, and she does this every time. She’s even threatened to move out because of me and she would go on about it. She’s constantly unreasonable and horrible to me all the time. Sometimes she comes home and she hugs me and says she loves me. She does call me names but she doesn’t call me stupid because I am smart. But she makes me feel incapable of many things. She compares me to my other friends and is never afraid to point out my flaws. For example when I was to do gymnastics and I went to states I always said how nervous I was or “I don’t think i will do great” and she would say “Well (name of friend) will be hard to come close to). She always buys me stuff but she never comforts me. She always expects me to talk to her, to invite her places even though she never invites me. Like she will stare at me and i say “what” and she goes “ i want to be talked to like i am your mother” yet she rarely asks how my day is and she expects me to just talk to her. I mean Ive tried before but she acts like she doesn’t care so its hard. She asks me why don’t ask her to come on walks with me yet she never suggests anything involving mother and daughter time. She just buys me things a lot because she thinks it keeps me happy, but she always complains about it like “I can’t buy a kitchen cuz i bought u a phone” “ i have to go to work just to pay off your bloody bed” yet she offers to buy hugely expensive things for my brother. In fights i tell her she only buys me things and she goes “fine i just won’t buy you anything”. I try talking to her about how i feel but she never admits to making a mistake and it turns into horrible fights where i end up crying and my phones taken off me. So the question is, does it sound like my mothers emotionally abusive, (I wouldn’t be asking this if it didn’t happen on a daily basis)?

[white knight]

Hi AC welcome

As I had an emotionally manipulative blackmailing mother I would suggest you haven't got a similar mother to me.

As a guess, because I've only heard one side of the story, I think your mum is torn between her stresses of everyday life and loving you.

So she buys you things. Phone, new mattress etc. These are examples of her love for you but she doesn't feel you show appreciation for it. Hence her bringing it up later.

Can you try at least more effort to show you really thank her for these gifts.?

Some younger people that haven't worked for any income and often that means they have little idea of the difficulty affording items

When they finally get their first job it dawns on them how hard you have to work for little reward.

Your mum might be under a lot of worry.

Try to be a friend not a foe.

It won't be easy. But it will be worth the nice words. Love your enemy by understanding and they'll love you back.

Tony WK

[Amali_Cu]

Thank you a lot,

I will try harder to appreciate.

Thanks for your words of wisdom

[white knight]

Hi AC

Your response was really commendable because it isn't easy giving advice like I did.

Bare in mind your mum isn't perfect either and some effort should come from her to. If your new efforts aren't getting you anywhere then you might consider telling her you have been trying hard and it would be good if she responded better.

Again, well done in your attitude.

Tony WK