I really want to make friends with a strange person but I am not brave to say this...is there anything can help me??

[A sad boy]

I do not know if it is suitable to send my experience and worries in this column or in this forum, but I really do not know what to do in the future of this terrible time.

I am a student but I really want some extra care for some reason. From this year I accidentally learned about a strange person in his own blog, which is a teacher. I was moved and attracted by what he said and what he did. I also thought of what I experienced during my middle school time during his contents. I am so happy that I really want to make friends with him -- but I am not so brave to give him some greetings or contact with him, because I am afraid that my content will make him angry or no replies -- because sometimes emails can not get any replies in his own country(He is not Australian).

With the help of the counselor, I still wrote something to the teacher with email, but so far there is no replies from him. In fact I am a little disappointed but there is no doubt that he may not use the emails. I have thought of use other applications, but I do not want to disturb him -- this may be the private social applications like WhatsApp. However these days for some reason I think that my life is so terrible(if necessary I will post a new thread but that is not the main thing of this) and the heart of "missing" him is the only desire for me. And I found that I really need him to get some warm care to have power doing something because my mood has affected my daily life, and that may be my final chance to do it. But I am really not brave to do this thing. I do nit know what I should do for this about him -- contact him or not. I really like him but I really have no way to get in touch with him better.

Maybe I have other things to say, but I can not say something in this. If I can say some other things, I will add it.

[sisu100]

Hi A sad boy,

Thank you for reaching out and taking such a brave step in sharing this with us.

It sounds like your mood has been really impacting your daily life lately so you've decided to try to do something about it. That's such a big and important step you have achieved to have recognised the effect the mood is having on your life and to take action to fix this, so a big well done to you!

It seems like you're hoping to have some extra care and kindness in your life- particularly from a teacher you learned about through their blog. It sounds like you strongly relate to their experiences and are really keen to become friends with this teacher. I imagine it must be really disheartening and disappointing when you haven't received any response from them after finally reaching out to them. How long ago did you send the email? Perhaps like you've said, they may not have had a chance to check their emails yet.

You mentioned that you are after some warm care, I was wondering if you're able to also reach out to those around you? Friends, family and even the forum community here may be really helpful in having some support during these difficult times.

Please feel free to update us on how you're getting along, we're always here to listen.

[A sad boy]

Hi,

I am sorry that for some reasons I reply and updated this post in this time. And at the same time I want to make this post be seen by more people in this time -- I think that I have this strong feeling because I lack some care like his care for the students, and now I have this strong feeling again, but a little stronger. So I really want to express my grateful feeling to him, but so far I can not still contact him, which makes me sad.

I remembered that I sent the email in June, but I think that this will have no relationship with the time reason -- I think that now he may not look the email for some reasons, instead he may use some social network platforms. I had ever had the idea of contacting him with the SNS platform, but this is a little private characteristic, so I just gave up that idea.

I have this feeling because I think that I want to have chances to meet different people which I like and I can even have a relationship to be friends...because I really think that I can talk so many things to new people I meet in person, one to one and I may "enjoy" this. Compared to that I may have not so good feelings when I talk something in the virtual environment or the familiar environment. So I really want to have a chance to meet different people and get much experience when talking to them. And in fact, I really have such same experiences, which are not so convenient to talk more but I really get more treasured experience in that "meeting". I just want to have the second chance to have a new possibility.Maybe that is the reason I really want to have a chance to meet the strange person.

These are what I want to add to talk about my experiences and expression. I think that I have this strong feeling so much that sometime it affected my daily life(however now the effect was not so strong, but I still want to have a chance to talk to him so much if possible.) If I have something which to add, I will update in this post. I also hope more people can see this post because the feeling I meet is very strong and I do not know what to do next.

[Croix]

Dear A Sad Boy~

I guess I cant even start to talk about the people on-line that are so worrying you without referring your other posts, I think this concern is part of a larger problem.

Nobody should cry continuously with anxiety and particularly not have had thoughts of suicide about this, or any other matter.

I suspect there is a lot of pressure in your life, isolation without a roommate, being in Melbourne, away from your home, parents and other family and freinds, plus study, assignments and exams.

I think you were feeling bad as far back as April, at which time you were talking to a councilor who suggested breathing techniques. While they do have their place they are obviously ineffective for you.

I know you said you cannot tell to your family or freinds, only comfortable with strangers.

May I ask why you cannot tell your parents or other favorite family member how you have been feeling and look for advice, care and support?

It may come as a surprise that most parents will have the welfare of their children as their number one priority , and this is despite any sacrifices they may have made to help you get to a Melbourne Uni.

The councilor, which may be a Uni one, can only go so far, and the fact she changed so much when you told her of your suicidal thoghts is not a sign of someone who takes things calmly in their stride

For the moment I'll assume you are entitled to Medicare and would most strongly suggest you go see a GP, and in a long consultation say exactly how you have been feeling these last months. It can take some time, and can be frightening, particularly revealing you have thought of killing yourself, however without knowing what's wrong the correct treatment cannot be given.

To give you an idea why I say this is important, I had a mental health conditon which included depression and anxiety. As it got worse I used to worry to much about just a small number of things very intensively, then the suicidal thoughts started as it was so hard.

I too felt I could not talk to anyone, not only becuse most would not understand, but also in case I was forced to go to hospital (I was not but did go voluntarily later)

I did leave things too late and ended up in hospital, I'm an awful lot better now but it took a long time. If I had talked to a doctor earlier the problems would have been a lot less..

Would you like to say a little more about yourself?

Croix

and nobody shoud feel as isolated as you do wiht no support. I know that

[A sad boy]

Thank you for your answers Croix.

I guessed that you must have seen my previous post in the forum, and according to it you will post these contents. In fact, there are no DIRECT connections and relationships between these two things, and I am gradually going out the terrible conditions of the university and my families give me some new support. So this post is a totally new worried point and I may be at a loss in this point. I hope that you can understand with this.

However, I am also willing to answer you about some points you mentioned. First, I want to meet the strange person just because I like what he did and spoke, and his love in his post, which really moved me and I think that he is a very good person. I meet him just for more connections because it can be very meaningful for me. I have the same related experience in the past and I think it is good to meet new persons. So that is the reason why I really want to see him -- not relying on him completely, but just for more connections and talkings; or maybe building a good relationship each other.

Second, about the parents & friends, I need to explain that I can talk some other things with my families and friends -- but I will only talk about I think what they are really interested in -- because I think that some other things can not be told... If with the strange person, I will also not talk about all my things, but just talking the related topics, like my students life, which I think that he will be interested with topic.

Besides, as for the counsellors and the GP, I have tried to do them and I had done it for many times, but the bad experience prevented me from doing this again. One counsellor claimed that I have done too many times for the counselling so they do not let me join it anymore, and one experience with GP made me embarrassed and sad, which let me lose the confidence of the counselling. I do not want to see these results, but these really happened on myself. I want to counsel, but on the other hand it may not so useful to improve something.

These are what I want to explain according to what you mentioned. Again I want you to understand that these two posts have no direct connections and I just like that stranger and what he did -- just giving me many encouragement and moved things.

[sisu100]

Hi A sad boy,

Thank you for your update, it’s great to hear back from you. It’s really brave of you to continue sharing your story, and I’m sure many of the forum community here have been through some similar experiences. I can see that Croix has provided some kind words and sound advice, and hopefully others may pop by to share too.

I’m sorry to hear that you still haven’t received a response from the person yet. It sounds you both have a lot in common, and I can see that you have a very meaningful connection to him. From your post, it seems like you’re hoping to make some new friendships with different people who can relate and understand you. I know this is really difficult to do in the online environment with the current circumstances, but with restrictions easing, hopefully there will be more opportunities to meet new friends in person soon. You mentioned that you want to talk about some related topics with this person (like your student life). I wonder if your university may have some clubs or societies where you may be able to meet new people and explore things you’re interested in? I found this really helpful to meet new people who share similar hobbies and interests.

It takes a lot of courage to seek counselling. It can be a very vulnerable experience as you’re trusting a stranger with your most innermost feelings and thoughts. The job of counsellors and GP’s is to help and support you. I can see that they’ve gone and done the opposite and that’s not okay. You should never be made to feel embarrassed and sad and I’m sorry that’s happened to you. It can be so distressing and disappointing once you have a bad experience, and I can understand why it’s tainted your view on the entire process and system. I just wanted to say that there are some really good GP’s and counsellors out there, although I know it can be really tricky to find one’s that a good fit for you. If you feel it might be useful, Beyond Blue’s helpline on 1300 22 4636 can be a good place to start. I understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, so the helpline is available to talk through your feelings, or to get some help finding mental health support whenever you need.

Please feel free to post further whenever you’re up to it, we’re always here to listen.