I need advice pls (TW: Eating Disorder)

[jinnie3]

Hi, I am currently a year 10. Ever since the year 7 I had the "perfect" life. I had good grades, and had many skills. I also participated in many extracurricular school sports and I had got selected into the gifted and talented program for the high school I am currently in. However, ever since the end of pandemic I think my life had started to go down. I first quite the sport I did for 6 years, I was very promising first however I slowly couldn't carry on anymore. After that I think I went through of a phase of social anxiety and embarrassment of my own culture as I was a migrant. I think I felt embarrassed a lot of the times when my family and I went out in the public. So my mum decided t seek me a psychologist, however I think after 6 months of it I couldn't bring myself to say most of what I had felt and so they thought I had no more problems left. I think after that I got into a phase of depression, which may have been caused due to puberty. However I didn't seek help from my parents or anyone. Then everything became worse last year. Due to my background as a migrant who went to school that was mostly all "white", I had often been discriminated as well feeling different. I think a sort of image stuck to me. I had bad body image issues, which I think was quite common in kids these days. However, the end of last year I was diagnosed with Eating Disorder. Everything went down hill, because of my worsening relationship with my parents and me being unable to focus in school. During the past 2 years my parents' relationship and I became bad. I also slowly started to find school work draining, ever since the start of year 9. Now it's getting worse. I am often stuck feeling helpless, all the school work seems like an effort, I don't have any goals for what I want to do in the future and I am constantly struggling to accept my body after gaining fat due to re-feeding. I also currently have a psychologist but I still can't tell them how I really feel. My parents, recently, had given up their high expectations of me. My mum said she feel quite disappointed and has given up on me. I am currently thinking of quitting guitar that I have been learning for years. I've been getting into a lot of arguments with my parents and I hate my current self. I'm always trying to seeking change. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I am making my own life difficult. I don't want to ruin my own life.

[Sophie_M]

Hi jinnie3

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us here today. It takes a lot of courage to share your story publicly, being so honest and brave about your struggles and your journey in order to reach out for support - but we're really glad you have.

We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling so lost and confused. That can be such a painful place to be in and we want you to know that we hear you, and that we're sending you lots of kindness and support for your journey - and we just know that you will get some really supportive, non-judgemental advice from your peers here in the forums (if you can give it a bit of time for your post to be found and responded to).

We hope that you find some comfort here on the forums very soon. 

If you would like to talk to someone about your struggles, and to get some support faster, please don't hesitate to jump on the phone and call to speak with one of our BB counsellors on 1300 22 4636, or via our webchat service even (just click here). It's completely confidential, and we're here for you 24/7.

We also want you to know that there will also be others who read this post (but may not necessarily join in) who will feel less alone in their experiences knowing that someone else is experiencing something similar to what they are going through as well.

Please keep sharing your words on our forum, and join in on some other conversations and threads as well - you're very welcome here, and we're so glad you're here with us!

Kind regards

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi jinnie3,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it would be hard for you.

Anxiety can be hard to deal with and Im sorry that you felt embarrassed by being a migrant and your culture.

Please know that it doesn’t matter what we look like what matters is what’s inside of us…. We all have unique talents inside ourselves and this can be as simple as being kind.

The people who you felt discriminated by was a reflection of them and it wasn’t you.

I understand that you felt different but being different is great and unique try to embrace the beautiful person that you are.

Im sorry that you are dealing with a eating disorder I understand this would be hard.

Do you feel comfortable with your current psychologist or do you feel you would benefit from seeing a different one?

Just give yourself time you will eventually set new goals for your future it’s hard when we are going through a mental health condition it can be exhausting in itself.

Im sorry for what your mum said to you but I’m sure she loves you and wants the best for you.

I understand that you are seeking change, can I ask you what this looks like for you…

We are all capable of change it can be a life long journey to decide who we want to be and then try to evolve to that… but it’s possible

Hang in there, we are here to support you.