I hate school, I'm writing this because I feel like I can't talk to anyone anymore

[MacJS]

I never thought I would want to drop out of school, and I'm only 14. School is getting harder and harder and I'm not talking about the work, I'm naturally smart and I'm a really good student. I'm just so sick of school, it makes me wanna die everyday. I feel like I'm wasting my youth by going to school until I turn 18, I hate my teachers and I hate everybody. I used to LOVE school, I use to be excited to go to school everyday until last year, I don't really know why I think and act like this now.
I guess I've lost movtivation and don't know what I'm doing anymore, I also think I'm not really allowed to think like this since I'm only 14. I don't know what I wanna do with my life either or what direction I wanna go. I want to do certain things but my insecurity makes me feel like I won't be good enough. I feel like my friends hate me and I think I got a real problem going on and I'm not 100% sure on what to do about it.
I'm starting to become real rude to my teachers and authorities and not paying attention in class anymore, I feel like if I continue doing this I'm ultimately gonna turn out to be a lazy person with no life or job when I'm older. I always feel tired and agitated, I'm unorganised and I just want to disappear, not die but disappear.
Thanks for reading, I would love to hear other people's opinions and tips on what to do

[Sophie_M]

Dear MacJS,

You say you're not 100% sure what to do with these feelings. We think by showing such bravery in sharing this with us here today you've taken an admirable first step. We want you to know you've come to a safe and non-judgmental place where users give and receive support based on their own mental health journeys.

Please know there is always help available to you. The qualified mental health professionals at our support service are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. You might also like to discuss these issues with our friends at Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. Knowing that sometimes it is easier to type than it is to talk about these things, they also offer round-the-clock webchat via: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

Welcome to our forums community. We're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need. Please check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Matchy69]

Hi MacJS it is really great for you to come on here to reach out on here. Your post sounded very much like my 16y.o daughter.She use to like going to school and get good marks up to about last year where she started hate going and it became hard getting her to go. I have had chats to her about it and asked her if their was some reason why but says everything is OK at school but just hates going.I have chats with the school like the guidence officer, school nurse and Deputy principle. We have at the moment a plan in place where she goes to school in the morning and does the first session and then comes home and gets slowly extended.It has been working at the moment.She wants to be a vet nurse and that is her goal to finish school and do further study to achieve her goal.

I was wondering if anything has changed at school or at home for you and if their is other things you like doing that you don't anymore.

Take care,

Mark.

[White_Rose]

Dear MacJS

Hello and welcome to the forum. As Sophie has said it's brave thing to write your first post and you have done this very well. Sadly I don't have a magic cure. I once asked my doctor to wave her magic wand and she said the batteries were flat. Ah well.

Please do not think I am patronizing when I say this is a difficult time for you. No longer a child but not yet an adult. Plus everything that goes with being 14. Contacting the Kids Helpline may be very helpful. They help people aged 5 - 25. Have a look around their web site. Sophie has posted a link for you.

I see you like school but these days not the teachers. Do you think it's possible to concentrate on your lessons only instead of 'seeing' the teachers? I know when something happens to me and I am likely to get upset I find something to do that needs my full attention. No room for the other stuff. This may be a way to get your school work done and show your talents while relegating those things that trouble you to the background.

This is a time to learn as much as you can. Not because of any future career or to say you are clever. It's to give you a wide range of knowledge and skills that will help you find your way in the world. This is your time to learn. I hesitate to say much about your friends. From my point of view, school friendships have been a source of support and comfort. I still have strong ties to three of my school friends. You cannot change your friends, only yourself. If your friendships drift apart it is as much the responsibility of your friends as it is yours. Be the best friend you can be and leave the decisions about continuing these friendships to your current friends. Life has a way of sorting out these difficulties without us hitting our heads against a brick wall.

Trying to forecast what the future holds when you leave school is a bit premature. Be the best all round student and you will find the future will handle itself. You have a few more years at school to accomplish this. Then it will be time to make decisions.

If you would like to continue posting here you are most welcome. I will be looking out for your posts.

Mary

[MacJS]

Nothing is going on at home, it's just at school. I mean sometimes I just sit and cry at home, because I feel as if my life is so repetitive and nothing is exciting anymore. There's nothing to do at home, the only thing I have for entertainment is my tv and laptop. I tried doing a sport but that failed because the closest training club to me is sooo far away and my school only does football, basketball and netball for sports.

I guess I'm also sick of people feeling pity for me, a lot of my friends say my life is so boring and would hate to be me and things like that. Which it does hurt my feelings, and I also say a lot deprecating jokes but then say I'm kidding. I don't really think my friends notice or care to be honest.

I used to love doing art as a passion like drawing, but I don't do it nearly as much as I used to because school has just been so much and I'm a big procrastinator (which I am trying to fix) I am trying to get back into art but it's kind of hard.

[White_Rose]

Hello MacJS

However passionate you are about doing something it can be difficult to actually do it when you feel sad and depressed. It feels like a huge weight pressing down on your shoulders stopping you from even getting out of your chair. What do your friends do when they are not at school that makes their lives so interesting? I wonder if they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

It is unpleasant when friends make unkind remarks. Rather than join in making fun of yourself perhaps you can simply ignore the comments. No one will continue to say unkind things if they do not get a reaction. By making remarks about yourself you are, in effect, giving them permission to say these things.

Perhaps you can tell them of something you are proud of or have done well. Your art may be the key to this. I enjoy embroidery and am happy to show off my work. There are other things I am not good at so I do not mention them in general. I not good with technical things like computers and need my children to show me what to do. So what! No one is good at everything. I know how I feel when someone makes fun of my abilities and I imagine it to be similar to your hurt. I do sometimes make a comment but not one that sounds as though I am agreeing with them.

Focus on what you can change and where you can excel. The other stuff can wait.

Mary

[rororo]

Hi MacJS,

I know it's been a while since you've posted this, so hopefully you're in a better place mentally now. But, from experience, depressive episodes can last for years. I can relate to feeling that life is repetitive and thinking nothing brings excitement or happiness. It sounds like you're experiencing depression, but I'm not a licensed professional, so don't just take my word for it. I've felt this too, and I've been able to lift my head up from the dark cloud, so if it's any consolation, take that as a reminder that you can get through it.

Your friends didn't seem like the kind, funny people you deserve in your life, with the way they make fun of you. Sometimes it's joking, but it gets too far and too personal. I hope you've learnt to let go of their toxicity. Maybe this is contributing to why you hate going to school - you don't want to talk to them, or maybe just their face can tick you off. It is the same with your teachers, you don't want to go to school because otherwise you have to talk to them. Even spending time in their presence is draining and irritating. 

It's good that you were trying to fix your procrastination habits. Were your parents aware of your procrastination issues and depressed feeling? Parents can often help by gently guiding you to a healthier path. It has been three years - you're around 17 now, so maybe you don't rely on your parents as much, or don't want to ask them for help. I hope you remember that your parents are here to help, because in their mind, you will always be their baby, whether you're 7, 17 or 70, and they are always happy when you are happy. 

It's understandable that the sports you can realistically do aren't appealing to you, but trying something different like that doesn't hurt anyone. Physical activity is good for your body and mind, so doing simple solo workouts at home, or at a gym if possible, can help you mentally. I hope you were able to reignite your passion for drawing since your post. I'm sorry if I sound like a boomer when saying this, but watching tv and staying on your laptop could be damaging you and possibly your perception of your own life. Having a 'dopamine detox' and staying away from screens like those can help you feel balanced and content with your own life. The sudden drop you feel when you look away makes you worse than before you started watching. I know this from experience. 

There will always be periods in your life where you feel like a pile of dirty laundry personified, but there will also be times where you feel thrilled and euphoric. There will be times where you feel calm and clean. There will be times where you feel nothing at all (this kind of numb is common in people with depression or anxiety. The two are pretty closely linked too, so if you feel symptoms of one, you can feel symptoms of another - just a quick sidenote.) But overall, humans aren't inherently happy. We are never naturally content, so we always need to seek ways to fill that 'gap' in our minds, the gap that pushes us to want more. 

Almost everyone will tell you life is hard, that you won't get what you want, that it's full of suffering. But it doesn't always need to be so painful. You can look forward, to a better tomorrow. I hope you're in a better place mentally now, and I hope you can look back at yourself from when you made this post with empathy and understanding, and whenever you feel this away again, you can remember you made it out once. If you're still in the midst of this same depressive episode, I hope you can find the spark within you and keep fighting against the world with all of your strength.

[balls69420]

same

[Guest_10980006]

Hey MacJS

i hear you and whilst I’m not walking the exact miles in your shoes right now, I feel we’ve shared and are sharing some similar steps. 

school is not a one size fits all model. The joint has the capacity to suck the life outta you. When you think about it from a higher perspective, it’s all a bit odd us humans forced to spend all these hours of our waking lives within these places, adhering to all these rules with all the these randoms … then we’re supposed to learn .. sometimes that can be a dislike for the place. It’s really not going to be a joy ride for everyone all of the time. 
like the real world, the big 12-year-apprenticeship (as they termed school in uni) has its ups and downs. You’re 14 - I commend you on your bravery and courage to speak up and out and be honest in the face of such a difficult uncertain time. 
schools can be gnarly places where nasty things take place. My 14 year old ride was not the most pleasant that’s for sure and I blame school as much as hormones in the creation of many challenges arising in the form of self dislike, extreme efforts to belong and feel accepted to name a few. 
you’re one of the most courageous 14 year olds I have heard. 
Im 41 and a teacher. So I feel like our situation, like our ages, are flipped 14/41 

same but different. 
it’s ok to feel what you’re feeling. Hold space for your feelings right now and know that as uncomfy and challenging as they are, such cracks is where the light is let in. 
keep sharing. Keep being in integrity. You’ll get through this rough set on the head and surf these big waves. Glassy offshore days await you. 
take care mate