I feel too insecure in life

[Trish2]

So, after about 11 years or so, (I'm now 21) I only somehow just came to realise that I may have actually been bullied as a kid. I hung out with a pretty popular group at the time and I felt like I was the odd one out. I'd get made fun of and at times I think I was also physically hurt like I had a hard ball thrown at me (and being jumped on in a pool). At the time I never thought much of it because the adults would laugh it off and say we were having fun and for a long time, I believed it; but I came to realise that it's affected me well into my teenage years and even later which I never expected. I've been so insecure in many areas throughout almost my whole life because I've never felt like I was good or cool enough to hang out with people who may have been more like-minded to me than I would have thought. As a result, I think I've missed out on A LOT.

I've purposely avoided trying to make friends with those who actually seem really awesome simply because I didn't feel worthy enough or perhaps I was scared of getting rejected. I've got no clue where to go from here since it's been engraved in my mind that I'm not good enough from an early age and It's just crazy to think I only notice this now? I just feel so out of place in life and I'm worried there's not much I can do at this point to change things. I just felt like saying something about it and thanks for taking the time to read this ❤️

[smallwolf]

hello.

these are just my thoughts based on what you are written and things from my own life... as we are growing up, the things happening around us are normal, or at least we think they are. It is only later, after we may chat with others about their experiences and compare with our own we may see things differently. At one time teasing was playful, and now ... not so. Being constantly told you suck at something repeatedly does little for our self esteem.

Yet there are things that can be done and for myself it has been years with a psychologist. (There were other issues to deal with as well.)

That you have worked this out (or "only now" as you described it) is normal. It took me many more years. And now you also have a chance to do something about as well. Given your age a good starting point would be kidshelpline here ...

https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/bullying

they also have chat and help over the phone if that is your thing. If you also want to chat more here that would also be nice. After all, you are deserving of feeling good enough. Listening to you

[sbella02]

Hi Trish_@,

Thank you for your post. I understand your position, I have had friends in the past who would do this kind of thing and I accepted it as normal until I found a new normal, and realised that it was wrong.

I would recommend talking to somebody about this (a therapist, psychologist or helpline, as smallwolf has suggested). Sometimes talking to somebody can be a great way to consolidate your experiences and relieve yourself of any repressed emotion.

Your post really resonates with me as somebody who struggles with fleeting thoughts of inadequacy. In general, I've noticed that a lot of people have reservations when it comes to making friends or talking to new people, due to fear of failure or rejection. While humans are sociable creatures, we also tend to be nervous creatures as well. Particularly in situations where you and a group of other people are/have been in a similar position, like starting a new job or studying at university, it may be reassuring to learn that most people are feeling the same way and may even be shy to talk to you as well.

As always, it's important to remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and feeling like you're more than enough. If you happen to make friends with people who do not respect this, it's perfectly reasonable to end the friendship. There will always be people who are willing to support and accept you, it's just a matter of finding them.

I wish you all the best, and please feel free to get in touch with us again if you have more to talk about!

Kind regards, SB