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I feel like my parents don’t understand

JustAnYtka
Community Member

This is just a bit of a rant.

I came out of my room to see my mum and watch some tv with her. Almost instantly she tells me I need to shower. I’m aware of that. I haven’t showered in ages, I physically cannot. Then I ask if there’s any popcorn left. She tells me I need to eat something healthy because I had cereal for dinner. It was nutrograin (idk how to spell it.) no, it’s not particularly healthy but it’s not as bad as coco puffs or something like that.
I really struggle with eating due to PDA, and she know that when I can eat, I do. When I can eat, I eat a safe food. But when I can eat, she tells me to eat healthier.
I know I don’t eat healthy. I know I don’t eat often and I know she’s trying to help but whenever I tell her that it makes it worse, she gets mad at me. When I walked back to my room tonight, she said angrily, “great, just great.”
My dad is similar. He says things like “you need to cut down on junk food,” when I’m having a small bowl of ice cream. He eats SO much junk food. Every night. We bought a box of ice creams (on sticks) the other day. They come in 6 packs. The next night I went to get one and there were none left. My mum and sister only had one each. That means he had four, in one night. I’m so sick and tired of them telling me not to do things that 1, I’m not doing and 2, they do.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post

Bee

8 Replies 8

lil quirky
Community Member

Hey Bee,

I’m no expert, but it seems your family is a bit toxic, clearly they know about your PDA, and I’m sure it can get frustrating at times, I relate to this as I am the eldest girl of 3 younger brothers, it can be really annoying and feel like you are trapped in this anxious little bubble and your stuck inside it, and can’t escape because you can’t like get out of your house, it’s annoying getting blamed for things you didn’t do and everyone else is doing, do you maybe have an escape place, do you have friends to talk to, do you go to school, some music you can close the door to your room plug headphones in and listen, or you could just chat on here if you need to vent, I’ll be here if you need to talk 🙂

Just hang in there, it’ll get easier, and if it doesn’t, talk to someone about this not just the online forums 🙂 I hope you found this helpful.

kind regards

-lil quirky

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi There, JustAnYika!

Thank you so much for sharing with the forum community - insight into our challenges can often help our members who may not yet realize why they are struggling. 

It does sound like home is an environment where struggles with PDA are not really supported at the moment. We are sorry to hear that it is really complicating things for you. Perhaps one thing that might be useful.... Could you share with us in the forums what YOUR intention around food is? If you could have anything in the world you want.... what would be the fantasy meal?! Feeling empowered within yourself is such a hard journey, we know. It may also be the only truly important one. Having a deep intention to be healthy, to be active, to travel, to enjoy a sport - it makes any and all of those things much harder to taint by other people's demands. 

We do hope that as you journey, you will build within yourself and for yourself your intentions and desires in a way you feel happy with!

Thank you for reaching out! We hope we will hear more from you when you can!

Regards,

Sophie M.

 

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Bee

Good on you for having the courage to be a part of the forum family 🙂

Its not up to us to judge your family as toxic. Im sorry for the way your family treat you especially whilst you are struggling with PDA

You have created an excellent thread topic and thankyou! You have nothing to apologize for as new members like yourself are highly valued on the Beyond Blue forums

The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you to post Bee

We really hope you can stick around! (when and if you choose to)

my kindest

Paul

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Bee, I'm sorry you are suffering from this, because the world is changing in all directions and sometimes the parents only care about what their 'children should be doing', rather than understanding why they can't and this is always a great concern.

What was done years ago, doesn't necessarily mean it should be carried out in today's environment, because the world alters as each generation is born.

Parents with bad habits should not condone their children from doing the same.

Not only do kids change, but their parents need to look at how the world is not like how it was when they were kids.

Take care.

Geoff.

JustAnYtka
Community Member

Thanks for your replies.

I agree in a way, that my family can be a bit toxic. But it’s also really confusing because most days my mum is amazing, really understanding and supportive, even about eating, but other days she’s like my original comment.

I’m homeschooled, but I do go to social groups at an amazing organisation for neurodivergent kids. I see my friends like twice a week for about 2 hours in total.
My ideal meal is probably pasta with cheese and ham (that’s been warmed in the microwave), it’s SO good. Most days that’s a safe food, but on hard days I physically cannot eat anything. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be sick even just by looking at food.

Thanks guys,

Bee

Hi Bee,

I have PDA too and can relate so hard. Every time your parents ask, they're adding to the problem. It can be really frustrating to get around, and on top of that there's the hypocrisy as well. That actually sounds horrible I'm really sorry you're going through that with your family.

Your reply where you mentioned being homeschooled clicked a lot of things in place, it means you'd be eating mostly at home. Where all the comments happen that prevent you from eating. Oh man... no wonder you're getting that sick feeling if food is surrounded by so much anxiety.

Like, leaving your room to get some popcorn is no big deal. But your mum had to demand you three times in a row- and on top of that, treated your PDA like it's some attitude thing. Yeah I can see why you had to rant a bit. Now I'm ranting too lol.

It can be annoying when people can't seem to change a few tiny things in their lives that would be of no difference to them, but would allow you to eat, shower, or do anything else. This is just in my opinion, don't need to take it, to me it looks like if they stopped commenting on your food, that would probably solve a lot of the problem. It is hard to eat with PDA alone, but I will just lay it out all out here...

In your first post, you said you don't eat often and don't eat healthy. Let's review the comments of your parents: your dad saying "you need to cut down on junk food". Well now you are going to avoid cutting down on junk food. Your mum saying "you need to eat something healthy". Now you are going to avoid eating, and avoid eating something healthy too. I know these are just one-off examples you gave, but that's the gist of it. On top of that, if you make a demand of yourself to eat food (by accident), you will have to avoid eating food. So, you're going about your whole day trying to not think of food so you can eat. However, you're homeschooled. Before you have a chance to calm down and think clearly from the previous comment, there is yet another comment about food. Is this right or am I absolutely off track? You don't have to answer by the way it's chill

I had a similar issue with cleaning my room, so I got myself a roomba. After that, my parents saw my room was clean enough and lost interest. Wish I could give you more advice on what to do, but you'd know your family best. I imagine anything that stops those comments might make things a bit easier. Like education, a new location, earphones, maybe something else to nag about instead...

Oh my goodness, you are absolutely right! I can relate to everything you said! Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it 🙂

❤️ Bee

Hi Bee,

No worries 🙂 you're not alone