I feel like my depression is ruining my relationship with my boyfriend.

[Luka-chan]

My boyfriend was the one who wanted me to get diagnosed with depression so I could get help.

My boyfriend was the one who always made me take my medication even though it tastes disgusting.

My boyfriend was the one who would look after me when I felt like I was too weak to keep going.

My boyfriend is my rock and one of my only reasons that I'm still here.

Lately, my depression has been getting more persistent, and has been making everyone around me distance themselves because they're worried I'm a ticking time bomb of misery.

My depression has always been particularly harsh on my boyfriend, it's alway telling me that he secretly hates me and wants to leave me, but this has been getting worse. When I get in a bad spot, I can't see what I'm doing or hear what I'm saying. My depression has been making me say horrible things to him and treat him poorly, and I'm terrified that my apologies aren't enough to show him that I really don't mean it.

What can I do to show him that I love him more than anything else, and I wouldn't be letting my depression do all this if I could control it.

​​I love him so much, and it would be the end of me if he started to distance himself from me too.

[mrkd1991]

Keep fighting, keep trying. Some days we all fall down, and we force our selves to get back up again.

A lot of people are a bit "funny" about mental health, some think distancing themselves will actually help you (usually wrong).

Your boyfriend is right beside you, as long as you don't give up, he won't give up.

[Zeal]

Hi Luka,

I'm sorry to hear your depression is severely impacting your life, and your relationship with your boyfriend. He sounds really supportive and understanding. I agree with the fact that your boyfriend is unlikely to give up on you if you keep trying to break down the walls of depression. It's great that you love him so much, and want to get better for both of you.

When you are having more stable days or periods, do small things for your boyfriend. This could be rubbing his shoulders, complimenting him, buying him his favourite snack, or letting him pick a movie to watch. Small things add up, and can make all the difference.

Keep seeing your psychologist. If you feel you make some form of progress during a session, you could mention this to your boyfriend. This will help him know you are working through the illness and will make him feel happy and proud of you. If you regress, you can be honest. All your boyfriend can ask of you is that you do your personal best.

I hope you continue to work through your depression, with your boyfriend's help.

Take care,

SM

[melly06]

This is me, this is me, this is me. I could not identify with you more Luka.

I love my boyfriend entirely but when I have a breakdown, I say awful things that I don't even remember once I have calmed down.

I take my depression out on him, although I know he is my number one supporter. 

I guess... I am just here to say you are not alone, and I understand how you are feeling. Depression is all-consuming, and it doesn't leave love alone.

[Luka-chan]

I'm so glad that someone else is in the same situation Melly06. You don't understand how pleased I am to hear it.

Thank you for understanding. I wish you and your boyfriend good luck. ❤️

[Narniakid]

Hi Luka-chan!

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down, however your boyfriend sounds extremely supportive and understanding - hold onto him, and remember that your negative thoughts are just reactions to fear, and fear is, more often than not, nothing but a figment of our imaginations.

A couple of tips regarding your situation:

- Communication is extremely important: if you're going to bring something up, even something positive, do it in person. Over the phone or messenger, things can be misunderstood, and people are subconsciously prone to saying things they normally wouldn't because of the screen they're hiding behind.

- Any problems, whatever aspect of your life they relate to, don't try and figure them out when you're upset. The logical part of the brain doesn't respond when your emotions are in overdrive, so wait until you feel calmer.

- Make sure your boyfriend and yourself have enough time away from each other: this was an issue my own partner and I dealt with, because as a depression sufferer myself, I thought that every minute I spent with him would be a minute I wasn't feeling depressed. However too much time together, between any human being of any relationship, eventually leads to conflict - something will tick one of you off. I cannot stress enough how important "me-time" is. Take one or two nights a week off to stay at home away from each other and spend that time doing something you love; watching movies, playing video games, doing art, or even just spending some time with your family. It'll make a big difference.

I also suggest having a read of the resources on depression here on BB, and get your boyfriend to have a look at the information for carers of depression sufferers.

Love what you have now, cherish those around you, acknowledge the past, and worry less about the future because it hasn't even happened yet.

Crystal

[Neil_1]

Hi there Luka

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanks heaps for coming here and providing your post.

You’ve received some awesome responses of late and I hope that these have help you out a bit.

You know when I first read your post, my first thought was to say:

Go and print this out and then sit with your boyfriend and either let him read it while you’re there or you read it to him.   But now I’m thinking, why not print it all out, complete with all the wonderful responses.  That way, beside you reading and learning different options, it will give your boyfriend some knowledge about how you’re feeling (all in a completely positive way) and it may in turn help him to understand a bit more.

And remember, we’re always here, so please feel free to respond back whenever you feel like it.

Neil