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I Feel Like I Don't Deserve to be Depressed

Yes_And_No
Community Member

Hi Everyone, I have no idea if anybody is going to see this, but I've realised I need help. Sorry in advance if this seems more like a way to get this off of my chest instead of a cry for help or something. My life seems to be ideal, a fair few friends, loving parents, top grades at school, but I can't help but hate myself. I was born with a rare genetic condition which effects my appearance in a really negative way, and it makes me feel like I can never be as good as anyone else. I feel like I'll never be loved because of the way I was born, everyone around me is in a stable long term relationship, and I've never experienced the feeling of somebody outside of my family loving me. Everyone I've ever thought I loved has either left or is in a long lasting relationship with a person who's better than me. I feel trapped, like there is nobody I know who I can talk to, I don't bring it up with my parents because even if I bring up something minor I get back the standard "people have it so much worse than you, you should feel lucky that you're as privileged as you are". I have no friends who I can talk to because they either aren't people I trust with my insecurities, or they're going through something so much worse than I am that it would sound more like a complaint than a genuine attempt to get help. I've been considering suicide but I know that I'm too much of a coward to actually go through with it. And through all of this I'm thinking that I'm only doing this for attention, because I don't even have it half as bad as everyone else does, I'm angry with myself for being sad because I know that there are people who are going through worse than I am, and that I can only be thinking these things because everyone else is. Every time I do try to say something people will ask me if I'm OK and even if I say no I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to make them feel worse because they have to bear my problems as well. Somebody I know has attempted suicide on multiple occasions and I fear for her life because I feel like I'm not doing enough to help her, but I can't help her because I don't know how.

I'm sorry if this post feels like a mess, it's the first time I've made an effort to reach out to the wider community about my problems, Thanks for reading this, YAN.

5 Replies 5

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hello and welcome.

there is a lot going on in your post so I will try to limit myself to replying to 2 parts.

1. You said that others have it worse than you. I have said the same things on occasions. The reply I am given and pass onto you is that it does not matter what has or has not happened, when you feel low or empty or at the point where you are considering the worth of you life, it not matter. You are just as deserving of help or support as anyone else.

2. when people ask me how I am, i will reply that I am ok. I have said to my psych, and some others, that mood wise I live in a range of 4.5 to 5.5 out of 10. Never really happy or sad. Existing. I would like to feel better than that but .... Those who I have told accept my ok and don't probe. Sometimes there is no reason or trigger. Prior to "ok" I would say "meh". Unless you want to tell them, you don't have to anything.

My last bit is to ask what sort of help or support you are getting outside of the family? And you could always check out the kids help line (https://kidshelpline.com.au/) or chat or talk to them?

Listening to you

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello YAN, when you are suffering from any type of depression, it doesn't matter how anyone else is feeling, it's all about you, so you can't compare one person to another, others may feel awful but it's in a different situation and involving other circumstances, so you can't relate the two or more cases.

Trying to talk with other people, your friends, is a way to ask for help and a sincere friend would forget about their issues temporarily and listen to what you have to say, because talking with you might solve their own problems, but those who aren't interested are only concerned about themselves and may normally disappear.

Trying to help a friend who has tried to end their life is not an easy task because they have to trust you with all their heart and sincere sincerity, but because you aren't feeling well yourself this is difficult to do.

At times all it takes is just to sit with each other, nothing needs to be said but form a connection, a closeness where bit by bit you start to discuss problems of the world and then slowly begin on yourself or ask them a question, which will be tolerated since you have formed this closeness.

If, however, someone asks you 'how you are' you are entitled to say that you're struggling and then start off by saying something small, if they engage with you take it as far as you want.

As Smallwolf has said Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 may benefit you, but if you can please get back to us.

Geoff.

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Yes And No

My heart goes out to you as you struggle with how you're feeling life and your challenges at the moment. I'm so glad you came here, not only to vent how you're feeling but to also connect with people who can relate to how deeply challenging depression can be.

I believe our feelings are always very telling, which is why it's so important to address them/wonder about them. If you speak to anyone who's ever had to manage depression, most of them could easily relate to the most depressing statements typically offered by those who don't feel or haven't felt the impact of depression. You've already mentioned 2, 'Others have it worse than you' and 'You should be grateful for all you have'. I think these statements can be so depressing because they're 'Shut down' statements. You can feel yourself being shut down from opening up whenever someone gives one of these 'helpful pieces of advice' (not). That shutdown feeling kind of feels like heartbreak at times, a feeling in your chest.

A few other statements which might sound familiar

  • Your way too sensitive. You need to toughen up
  • You need to just get on with your life
  • You need to get over it

So incredibly triggering, such statements. If you're a super sensitive person, you won't just hear these statements, you'll also feel them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being so sensitive. In fact, this level of sensitivity gives you the ability to feel when someone's being depressing, stressful, inspiring etc. You can feel when someone's shutting you down or leading you to open up. In fact, you can feel far more than the average insensitive person. If you establish yourself as a highly effective 'feeler', this mindset can pay off. You can then begin to get a feel for what's right and what's wrong. You can get a feel for what may work and what won't, under the current circumstances. Keeping in mind, when circumstances change feelings change too. In other words, what you didn't feel would work then may work now.

Do you feel being able to relate to others who have the same genetic challenge could make some difference? Do you think finding open minded people who can fully relate to the potentially depressing side of it could provide you with the opportunity to freely speak about it? Do you imagine, within such a community, you'd discover people who've been able to constructively change their internal dialogue? Could you find some inspirational and constructive guides in this area, to help guide you through?

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Yes And No,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand it would be difficult for you to feel this way.

Its ok that you feel this way and it’s ok to ask for help.

Have you thought about talking to a gp in regards to the way you are feeling?

Your really not alone in this there are people who can help you through this.

Im here to chat to you 😊

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi yan

Thank u for reaching out and sharing how hard it is for u

Losing relationships is very hard at a young age

I hope u find support here, u have a lot to offer others, and sound smart and self aware

Privilege to me is not just wealth at all, but being loved and seen qnd cared for, and having a village....a team of support

Telling someone they are too privileged to be depressed is not supportive...