I feel like everything is falling apart

[Bon_14]

I’m a first year uni student, and when I was in high school I was at a really low point and began seeing a psychologist. I was diagnosed with OCD, social anxiety and severe depression. Most of the sessions were CBT and helped me figure out what was going on with my mental health and helped me cope with it in the short term. After awhile I wasn’t feeling as bad as I was but I also didn’t really overcome it. I was seeing a psychologist through Headspace but he left to open up his own practice with not much warning and I couldn’t afford to follow him. The idea of transferring and getting to know a new psychologist also freaked me out so I just stopped. I was better than I was but I wasn’t great, I still had little mostivation, I had trouble interacting with people, and I constantly overthought everything and had bad relapses every few months. But it was mostly manageable. Recently I’ve been trying to better myself by eating better and working out more, and I’ve tried to make more of an effort with people, as I used to cancel plans/avoid going out.

I had a breakdown after my “friend” said some hurtful stuff making me feel bad about my social anxiety which screwed with me because I shouldn’t have to feel bad about that and I’ve been trying best. But it did make me realise how bad my mental health has been lately.

I was on uni break for a month and now I have no motivation and focus in my study, I have no motivation to get up in the mornings and usually sleep past 12pm, and at nights I can’t sleep, partly from overthinking and partly from having not been awake for very long. Everything just feels so hard and at times everything seems pointless. I’ve noticed my relationship getting affected as I’m often moody for no reason and easily getting upset. I don’t really know if I should talk to my boyfriend or family about what’s going on with me, or if I should see a psychologist again, which didn’t seem to help much last time. I just don’t know what will help me long term. I’m abit concerned to see a psychologist again partly because my last one sort of just left, partly because I can’t afford to see someone long term, and partly because I don’t want to have to go back to my GP to get another referral as last time I was told I should workout/join a gym even though I already played school sports and often worked out.

I don’t understand how I’ve been trying so hard but I’m also at one of my lowest points. I really just don’t know where to go from here.

[Alexlisa]

Hello Bob_14

Welcome to the forums ☺️ I’m glad you reached out here because it sounds like you’re having a pretty difficult time. From what you’ve said I feel like it’s probably a good idea that you try to see a psychologist again. Because you have a history of mental health issues it’s important to get help early so that any relapse will be less severe.

That’s really disappointing about the attitude of your doctor. Yes, exercise is useful for mental health, but to offer it as the solution isn’t fair to you when you’re there trying to get real help. Would you consider finding a GP you feel comfortable with? My GP is great with mental health. It took a while to find her, but it was so worth the effort.

You mentioned you’re at uni. Would you consider going to the uni psychology service to see someone? It means it will be free and also you shouldn’t need a referral from a doctor. When I was at uni I saw a psychologist regularly throughout the years I was there. It was a life saver because I too couldn’t afford to see someone privately.

I totally understand your hesitancy in wanting to start again with a new psychologist. Unfortunately this happens pretty often in my experience. Something that’s helped me is to ask your old psychologist to contact the new one to do a handover. Do you think that’s something you could ask for? Most psychologists are happy to do it if asked and I believe it’s a pretty common practice.

I can really hear in your post that you have a good awareness of what’s happening for you. You’re probably right with what you said about the sleeping - it’s difficult when you’re sleeping too much during the day. But sleeping too little or too much is a part of depression, so please don’t be too hard on yourself. It sounds like with the level of awareness that you have, you’re probably doing your best at the moment. But please think about seeing a psychologist again. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

Take care

Alexlisa

[Lozz__]

Hey Bon_14!

im a 3rd year uni student who has struggled through similar feelings and just want to let you know you are not alone!

Uni can be a daunting place, and it can feel like everyone is doing better than you. I’m here to tell you that’s not true, everyone struggles with motivation at some point, just some worse than others.

Like Alexlisa said, university counseling services can be really useful, and are often free! They can refer you to psychologists, and also help you apply for special consideration. I have also found getting in contact with disability support services helpful, and putting a learning plan in place in case things do get worse and you need help getting through study.

uni is one of the things in life that you can control, so make the most out of the services offered and use them to your advantage.

I have found joining clubs and societies helpful for making friends and building confidence. Especially in first year, everyone is new and scared, so use that to make a lecture buddy and keep each other accountable!

None of this is easy, but please try to remember you are not alone (even if it’s just helpful strangers on the internet)!

I hope this helps!

Lozz

[_bethy94]

Hi Bon_14,

Good on you for reaching out. You're definitely on the right track wanting to see a psychologist, albeit finding a new one feels like an inconvenience - it's worth the persistence when you get some regular sessions in again.

Uni can be a very daunting place when starting off. Nobody is 100% motivated 100% of the time, absolutely everyone has lapses in that regard (you wouldn't be human if you didn't!) it is totally normal. Fortunately universities recognise mental health in students and have free psychological services available - have you checked any of them out? Could be worth a try.

I would suggest discussing what you're experiencing with your boyfriend and family. Depression and the related conditions have a special ability to make you feel isolated. Feelings of isolation can be magnified if you're dealing with it all on your own. A listening, sympathetic ear can go a long way - just in making you feel less alone, even for the moment, and knowing people care. The people in your life will genuinely want to help you. Or if you have episodes where you want to be alone, you're sleeping a lot, you're moody etc, they will understand and give you the necessary support - in conjunction with your psychologist.

Feel free to keep us updated on your journey if you'd like. We care.

Best wishes