I Don't know where to start

[Ibra]

Hi guys.

I am a 22 year old male. I don't know where to start so I'll try list everything I can

My mum and dad were split when I was young, I don't remember much of my dad then, I don't remember much until i was about 10, and he moved back to Aus (he's from another country). Ever since I can remember me and my mum never got on, she was a drinker and would get very abusive, and I would often end up at my grandparents house where they lived about 5 minutes away. When I turned 13 I eventually moved in there permanently as it was just so bad. When she is sober she is very nice, possibly one of the nicest people you would come across, until she gets on the drink. Anyway when I was 15, 2 years after moving in my grandad who I adored passed away, from natural occurrence. I played soccer he took me to all my games and would watch games with me too. School wasn't great before that, and was even worse after, at this point it's me and my grandma living together. two years later at 17 school kicked me out for poor attendance, which I highly regret. I found a causal job to get me by, I was going OK, I always had mates and played sport, went to the gym once if not twice a day. In between all these years I would still get into arguments/get abused by my mum which would bring on massive stress where she would threaten to come around just to shout and scream, even my Nan copped it sometimes. So 17-20 I was still with my nan, had a few jobs, still was going out with friends, playing soccer etc, And unfortunately a year later she passed away. about a year prior to her passing, something must have happened to me, I just stopped going out with my friends, they would invite me out I would just ignore/make up any excuse not to. I ate my self into obesity and just did nothing. I still am like this, I don't go out, Keep in contact with my mates, but only via facebook. It's not healthy at my age. When my nan died a few months passed and mum moved in, it didn't last long. i got kicked out. I still have terrible recordings of the abuse on my phone, videos and videos. I moved to the city where I still live, But it's much the same, I'm always anxious, I don't go out, I just sit in my room and try to diet but I just cannot. The times I've been out with colleagues where I work I seem to get dizzy, I'm sure it's anxiety/stress. My dad tells me I must work on it, I must do this must do that, but he doesn't seem to understand it is tough! I could keep going but i've run out of characters.

[Ibra]

I really want to get out, travel with friends and do everything I should be doing at my age, but everything inside me is just shot, confidence, self esteem.....the list goes on. which leads me to not working on the main factor in all of this; my weight.

[Ebi]

Hi Ibra,

Welcome to the BB forum and well done for reaching out and telling your story. You explained so well the many things that have contributed to your current situation. I guess my big question is... Have you spoken to your GP? He/she is likely to be a good starting place for you to think about how things are going and what supports you might need. You can get a mental health care plan that allows you to access Medicare subsidized sessions with a psychologist. A psychologist might be helpful for tackling the anxiety and/or talking about some of the difficult experiences you've mentioned above... The difficult relationship with your mum, the grief over your grandparents.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your grandparents. They sound like they were loving and supportive of you. It's really hard that they're gone.

It sounds like you have identified an important part of your well-being that you want to work on... Your weight. Your GP might be a good source of information about how manage your weight in a healthy way.

Look forward to hearing back from you, Ebi