i can't do school anymore

[Pale]

So just some background. I'm a year 11 student doing distance education. I moved from a normal school because I wasn't completing the work and usually wasn't going to class due to mental issues. Still not entirely sure what I'm officially diagnosed with but I think it's depression. Also ASD but I doubt that for some reason.

Now I'm doing senior over three years instead of two with only four subjects a year. Thing is, I can't even do that. I did okay last term; my grades were good. But now everything seems so pointless and I feel terrible all the time. I can barely get out of bed, so doing a massive history assignment seems futile. I miss my friends every day.

I'm so behind in my work. I never study anymore or complete my homework. I was given all of these second chances to do well and I don't even try because it seems impossible. Beginning to feel like I'm not fit to live in this world that values productivity so much when I'm so useless and lazy. I just want it all to stop.

Thanks for listening.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Pale,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us and telling us about how you're feeling right now. We're sorry you're going through such a difficult time just now.

Our Support Service is reaching out to you via email as we are worried about you.

Please know there is always help available to you. As you are working towards completing secondary school, you might find some of the information here helpful - https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/do-something-about-it/surviving-year-12. We'd encourage you to reach out to our friends at Kids Helpline who are available by phone on 1800 55 1800 and webchat at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 24/7.

Please check in and let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Aaronsis]

Hello Pale

Welcome and I am so pleased you have found yourself here to get some support at a time when you are feeling so defeated. Year 11 is not easy and to boot you are at home and missing your friends. I am so glad you have reached out here to get some support and some comfort.

Sophie M has given you some numbers that you can call if you feel you would prefer to chat it over the phone, Kids Helpline are so very wonderful.

Do you have some things that you do that make you feel happy? Some things that you do that make you feel good about you? I can hear that you are missing the interaction with your friends and is it possible that you are able to connect with them, do houseparty or even just chat with them to keep you connected with your friends.

Maybe you might even reconsider that you would like to go back to school? Is this an option for you?

I would like to chat to you some more, if you would like to share some more of your story here and how you are feeling. Great to meet you Pale.

Hugs

Sarah

[Pale]

Hi thank you so much for the response.

There are some things that make me happy. I like my cat. I like going outside. I play video games. I talk to my friends online sometimes but I feel bad texting them because I don't want to annoy people.

I'm not sure if going back to school is an option given my subject arrangements for senior over 3 years. And I don't know if I can change that at this point because I'm already in term 2. My parents probably wouldn't allow me to anyways because last year my functioning was a lot better doing distance ed. It wasn't even my choice to leave school. It was my parents'.

Basically I'm just giving up at this point and I don't know what to do. There's not much to my story really... I just don't understand what's wrong with me and why I can't just do what everyone else can do. Other people seem to do things and achieve things and for me simply existing is hard and takes effort.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Pale

It is great to chat to you again, while I hear what you are saying, that it is hard at the moment, we here can help you with ways in which you can perhaps turn your day around to make some changes so that you can start to feel a little better.

It is hard at the moment with isolation, however, reach out to your friends, text, they will let you know if you are being a pest, which I am sure you are not. Mostly this is what we are all doing at the moment and I know if I can get to the texts I will reply and have a chat, if not I will get to it soon, but I know my friends are reaching out to me and that makes me feel good, can I suggest that if we all were kind of worried about texting our friends no one would text, and we would all be in silence. Also another thing I wanted to suggest to you, just because your friends "seem" this way... "why I can't just do what everyone else can do. Other people seem to do things and achieve things and for me simply existing is hard and takes effort." Might they say the same about you? What I mean by that is that just because we all "seem" to be fine does not mean we are....the mask that people wear to hide how they are really feeling and coping is a very good one sometimes. You just don't know...in you reaching out to get some connections with your friends you might be helping a friend feel important and feel cared for.

I am so happy to hear that you love playing with your cat, I have three so know very well the joy they bring, and the naughtiness too...being outside is wonderful and video games are a great distraction. I am happy to hear that you do have some things that you enjoy doing. Maybe you can "treat" yourself if you like and when you have say done an hour of study, it lets you have 30 mins on your games, this way you don't feel like you are wasting time on your games, you have earned a reward, you can enjoy your game more and get your study done. It is hard to muster up some motivation but some little rewards you set yourself might help too....like "I am going to finish this task and when I do I am going to watch this movie with some popcorn and enjoy it". Just an idea but I think you know what I mean.

It is an unusual time so we do need to do some self care just to feel like we are ok, in times of isolation and when things are not as they usually are.

I am so pleased you are here to chat, that you can get some of this off your chest, I find writing so helpful.

Hugs

Sarah