How do I tell my friends I am depressed when they almost always ignore me?

[Angel5]

I have been depressed for almost a year now and don't have anyone to talk to. My friends always ignore and leave me out. I always feel so alone. I know they will understand because some of the have also had the same issue but I still can't bring myself to tell them. 

[the_dogs_know_me]

Greetings!

First of all, I'm sorry to hear your friends are that way, and that you're suffering with depression. If I may ask, have you been diagnosed, or do you suspect you're depressed? Either way, the feeling is horrible, and talking about it can always help and incredible amount. I've always had the exact same issue you do, opening up simply isn't easy. To begin with, talking to an adult (if you haven't already) about the way you feel can be helpful as they can provide you with advice about it, as well as help you cope and become better at opening up. Is there anyone at all who knows how you feel? You may not necessarily begin with your friends, even if you may feel you want to tell them most. And perhaps you are closer to one of your friends than the others. One on one conversations in an isolated setting is far easier than just breaking it to a group. You also need to make sure you have plenty of time to talk and some privacy, and that you trust your friend. It's good that you feel they will understand, and although its sad they may have similar issues, it might make it easier to relate to each other.

 Sorry for all the questions, I think you'll need to provide more information for a better response.

In any case, good luck, I hope all goes well and that you feel better. Remember, there are plenty of phone services where you can talk to a counsellor for free at any time in complete privacy if you want to talk through your problems and get help :3

[SeanM92]

Hey there,

I hear what your saying with finding it hard to talk to people about it even when it might be something you want the most, but i also see you mentioned at the end that your finding it hard to bring yourself to tell them.
Depression is a terrible thing but something you should know that is almost everyone in their life suffer from it at some stage, the one thing you should keep in mind is that you are never alone, as you said yourself, some of your friends have had the same issue. 

You made a great step in coming here as there are plenty of people who are willing to hear your out, but something to keep in mind is that, just like you, some people find it hard to talk about it, sometimes it makes them feel weak or anxious to suffer from depression and they may end up hiding away from other people who want to talk about it. while it may be difficult, talking to those people that you know have suffered or are still suffering may just help you both out, so you both know your not alone in this, they may have a strategy to cope that may work for you or even help each other through this time in your life's.

If you don't feel that that works out  then there is always counselling as an option, its confidential and welcoming and in most cases its free, while its not always available or a possibility depending on your lifestyle or family arrangements, it may be something to look at if your concerned about it

All in all, its important to remember your not alone, your not the only person to feel that way and others can help you, sometimes its easy and sometimes its hard, but seeing that you had the will to come and post your message shows me you have a strong will and you can pull through.

Hope you feel better soon. 😃

[Narniakid]

Hi there Angel!

I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Despite you saying your friends are struggling with similar issues, it sounds like you're a little scared as to how they might react. Don't be scared - if they're decent and caring people, they will understand and support you. If, for some reason, they do react negatively, then that just shows that they aren't really your true friends, and they aren't worth having around anyway; you deserve the best, and you need a support network of people that genuinely care. 

You say they understand what you're going through, as they have similar issues, however they have been excluding you for about a year now. It's a big call to make, but maybe it's time to have a fish around the friendship pond. Just this year, I made a big decision to cut out all the negative people in my life who were dragging me down and making me feel worse than I needed to. One of those people was my best friend of five years. When I cut them out, I thought I would fall deeper into my depression, but oddly enough, the opposite thing happened - I found myself some new friends that actually supported me and made time for me, and I started to focus more on getting better and working harder in my studies, rather than always feeling anxious about whether my friends were going to invite me to something or not.

It's a big step, I know, but something to think about. I cannot stress enough about having supportive and caring people in your life, and focusing on you, making time for yourself. Have a read around the BB website for some resources that you may find helpful. 

I definitely think you should tell your friends, because it sounds like it's been going on for too long, and they may not even be aware that they're upsetting you.

Stay strong and positive, and let me know how it goes!

Crystal

[Tizlak]

Hi Angel,I'm sorry to hear that you don't have anyone to talk to. I know that you don;t know me but about 11 months ago I was in the same boat as you. I would always just want to run over to a friends house knock on the door and start crying on their shoulder, but I was always so ashamed in my emotions and so scared that they would judge me and hate me for it so i just kept to myself, and was never invited anywhere and always felt so alone.This all changed when I noticed one of my close mates started acting quite distant and estranged from our group of friends and he would never come out or hang out with us. It was then I realized that I was never not invited anywhere, i was actually secluding myself away from people and making myself from everyone for fear of judgement. It was then that I choice to message my friend and let him know he was acting strange and exactly like me and tell him about my mental health issues and it turned out he had the same problems. It was one of if not the  most confronting and frightening experience for me to send the message as i thought he would tell everyone and the world would ridicule me, but that never happened, and the more people i tell ive never had a negative response. I know for me the reality of the situation was that most of the time when i felt like my friends were not there for me or ignoring me, it was all just a construct that i had created in my mind. When i did start telling my friends I noticed i mainly got three responses, one was an empathetic friend who would not understand but try there hardest to help, another was a friend who had the same issues and could help you through it, and the third to my surprise was usually a shocked friend saying "Really ive never even noticed you were down!". And thats the thing a lot of people won't notice you are depressed until you speak up.In Summary what i'm trying to say is speaking out is an extremely hard thing to do, but the first step is always the hardest but it is more than worthwhile and once you've told your friends you'll always think back to why you never did it earlier! Hope it all works out and good luck!:)-Tizlak

[shad0wings]

Hi Angel!

What you're going through sounds extremely tough to deal with. Have you talked to your family (parents and/or siblings) about what you're feeling? It always helps to talk to other people about what you're going through in hard times. 

Also, try not to view depression as an "issue", more so, it is an illness that many, many people deal with - especially young people like you! Depression is an illness, and just like any illness it needs to be treated properly and with the right amount of care. Unlike other illnesses however, you are able to help yourself and do something about it! Be strong and sit down with your friends and explain to them what you are feeling, how you are feeling isolated and alone. I assure you, your friends are more caring then you think - especially considering some of them, as you said, have gone through similar things. That Angel, is even more of a reason to be able to speak to them about it. Knowing people who have gone through some form of depression is a great benefit! 

Angel, you are a strong, strong individual and we all know you can do it! Once it's over you will feel 10x better.

And don't forget, posting on this forum is a step in itself to becoming more confident - it takes guts! 

You Can Do It!! 😄

~ Taylor

[Sandyrah]

First of all, I want to say thanks for being brave enough to speak out, even if it is on an online forum. You've come to the right place. Second of all, let me introduce myself. I'm 25. I play tennis & write poetry. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 1 when I was 14. Been in hospital 4 times. In total I have spent 6 months of my life in a psychiatric ward. I have had 12 rounds of ECT shock therapy on me because no medication worked to get rid of my psychosis and mania. I have had clinical and bipolar depressive, mixed episodes, & anxiety/panic attacks. All from a young age. So I've been there. I'm still struggling day to day. But I'm not here to talk about myself or my problems. I'm here to try to help you, to give you advice, clarity. So you know you are not alone. Even if you do not have anyone to physically speak to, or you may not yet have the strength or courage to want to speak to a family member, a psychologist/counsellor/social worker/friend... just be proud of yourself for even posting on a forum like this. I used to have no such forums back when I was a teenager. They were not as common, infact I still to this day struggle with expressing my emotions. I used to write in a diary/journal every single day during my depression (it was especially hard coming out of a psych ward and being on lots of sedating medication) I felt like I had lost all my friends, and that my family had turned away from me. They didn't understand me. No one understood my feelings. So I just wrote about them. Granted, some of the entries are very, very dark, but at least I did not keep them bottled up inside. Reading through the entries every now & again makes me realise how far I have come and that better days are definitely ahead. If your friends ignore you, don't be mad at them. They simply may not understand enough to listen or even sympathise with your feelings. If you don't feel comfortable going to see a doctor to get a referral for a mental health care plan (if you feel speaking to a trained professional would help) then try speaking up to the friends you think will care, or understand. It's a starting point. Maybe bring it up casually, and say that you are trying to get some advice for a friend. That may ease the burden it puts on yourself by saying it's advice for a loved one. Try that as a starting point to engage in the conversation about depression. See where it goes. Let me know how you go. 

Sandra

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Angel! (Love the name BTW 🙂 ).

Thank youuu for messaging us at the online forums.  I'm so sorry that things are really tough right now.   Depression has this big tendency to feel like the ocean and just swallow us up!  I know when I was depressed I felt very alone; I had nobody to talk to and I didn't have a very big support network.  I also felt like nobody cared.  I also like you felt very ignored! But know that there is a way out 🙂 and a big part of finding that way out is taking a scary step forward and reaching out for help.

You know what? It’s OK if you can’t tell your friends just yet; it’s a pretty private thing and it can be scary not knowing how they will react.  The fact that your friends have been through some similar stuff can sometimes make it easier – like they might know how you feel, but it’s still okay if you’re not ready to share.

One thing that really helped me feel less alone is talking to somebody; and sometimes that can be your friend, but other times it might just be a therapist, family or family friend.  Headspace even has free online counselling sessions that you can do (if going to see a therapist is a bit scary it can be a good way to start).

If you are ready to tell your friends, then that’s okay too – it is a bit scary, but telling them can also help bring you closer together.  Some of my closest friends right now are only there because we can open up to each other.  But know that you are never alone, and there is a way out.