help?

[anonnimus123]

im 15 and i have a guy friend whos 18. i might be starting to catch feelings but im not sure. so pretty much we talk a lot and i know hes having a hard time so i give up my time, risk getting in trouble (extremley strict controlling parents) but whenever im down it feels like he doesnt care and he doesnt do anything. there was a time when he used to care a lot but now im realising hes not the best friend i could have but for some reason im so attached so every little thing he does hurts me so much. i always wait for his replies and when he does i get soe xcited. i think hes down hes been rlly off lately like dry and says he wants to isolate himself but sometimes idk if he realises but the stuff he says amkes me feel so hurt and i get he might not want to talk but i only want to talk t him. ik that if he makes me feel bad i should stop but i cant. fyi this isnt a sexual realtionship at all ever.

Also for some reason even though i have good girl friends i prefer to be around guys but i dont want people to think the wrong thing

idk i just want some advice or something

[iamanxiety]

Hi anonymous,

nothing strange or abnormal in your feelings ,it's actually quite normal so don't stress about that part.

what concerns me is the age gap. 3 years means nothing when your in your 20s or 30s but at 15 it's quite significant I could understand your parents concerns if they found out.

I think you may have answered your own question in your statement. if it's a one sided friendship and you are getting no support from him it possibly may not be worth pursuing.

hope others have some good advice for you

Andrew

[Sophie_M]

Hey Annonniumus123,

This is Sophie from the moderation team. Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. I hope you're enjoying it so far! I just wanted to reach out and offer you some support and advice.

It sounds like you care a lot about this friend and that you have a strong connection to them. I can see why you're concerned given that you feel your friend is acting 'off'' and is becoming distant. However, in a situation like this, it might be best to give your friend some space but let them know you're there to talk and provide support if they need. The best thing to be is someone they can turn to if they need help but not to overwhelm them, particularly, if you feel they might not want to talk. It also sounds like your friend isn't being a supportive friend to you at the moment which might be another reason to spend some time apart and for you to reach out to other friends in your circle.

Similarly to iamanxiety, we are also concerned about the age gap between you and your friend. You've said that this is not a sexual relationship, however, have also said you're starting to catch feelings for him. We'd just like you to be aware that if this relationship was to become sexual, this would be illegal given your age and the difference in age between you. You might like to read up more about it here: https://yla.org.au/vic/topics/health-love-and-sex/sex/ 

If you'd like to speak to someone over the phone, we'd encourage you to reach out to Kidshelpline. Kids Helpline provides free and private counselling to young people up to age 25. You can talk to them about anything that’s affecting you at any time, day or night on 1800 55 1800.

We hope this advice has been helpful to you! and we hope to hear from you soon.

- Sophie