First job struggling to cope because of anxiety

GG15Rose · ‎22-06-2015

Hi, I'm 16 years old soon to turn 17 and I would love if anyone here could help me! I have recently gotten a job as my parents have asked me too. I know I need one and I also don't mind he idea of earning my own money. Although, this new job I have is causing me lots of anxiety. I have been woken up by panic attacks and I struggle to convince my self to walk into the job. It is a one on one environment and I have received no proper training. I get very scared that I will do the wrong thing and I am very afraid to serve customers as I fear I will mess up the order as there are many products I do not know. There is a lot of pressure from the boss who I am frequently working with in a one on one environment. The anxiety building up to the day I have to work and before I walk in is getting worse with each shift. I feel sick in my stomach and it puts me in tears. I think the right thing to do is quit the job and find another that is more suitable for me, one that is more structured and has proper training. This anxiety is affecting my daily life and thinking about it makes me feel really sick. I have to tell my parents and I fear they will be mad so I was just hoping maybe someone could tell me whether I am doing the right thing or not?

Angela_Faye · ‎22-06-2015

HI GG15Rose - sounds like it has been quite drastic change for you. Understand that any new job is extremely stressful situation. I too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and starting a new job is extremely confronting.

I am wondering if you have anyone at your work or if you can discuss this with your parents. Don't feel like a failure. You can only do what you can. Anxiety has a way of making us feel physically ill, and sometimes it would be easy to walk away.

Ask yourself whether the job is necessity and worth pushing through these feelings. I have been at my new job for over 3 months and it still sometimes feels awkward. It does get better though. If I could, I would discuss with your parents, they may be more forgiving than you realise. Take care, Angela.

morgs29 · ‎23-06-2015

Hi GG15Rose,

I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with such confronting feelings, it sounds like a really tough time. Only you can know what is the right thing for you, and I can imagine it's hard to know what that is when your parents are putting you under pressure about your job.

My advice would be to speak to your parents about how this job is making you feel, if you can. Perhaps let them know that it's not that you don't want to work, but that this job is really overwhelming - especially without the ability to receive proper training. It also sounds like the feelings you have when you go to work are really debilitating. Is looking for other work an option? Are you able to take some leave and think through what you might do next? If you were able to choose other, more suitable work, what do you think it would look like?

The emotions we feel with anxiety can be exhausting. I too have had anxiety since I was a teenager and it can be tough, especially when we aren't able to talk to those closest to us about how it makes us feel. Remember, you can chat online here at BeyondBlue or call the helpline if you need to speak to someone.

Know that you are not alone in this and that this is a safe community that you can keep coming back to when you need support.

Make sure you remember to look after yourself in ways that make you feel good and help you deal with your anxiety, especially during this difficult time. Best of luck!

Morgan

Narniakid · ‎23-06-2015

Hi there GG15Rose!

I felt exactly the same when I first got my job. Are you a casual, part-time or full time? Being in the situation you're in, I'd only work one or two shifts a week - when I first started, I found I really had to hype myself up for the whole week and tell myself that it's only half a day at work that I have to get through. Keep telling yourself that you CAN do this! It doesn't matter if you make a mistake - I work in retail, a particular stressful business, and even my own managers make mistakes - we all do. Your boss isn't going to scream and yell at you if you make a mistake, because chances are, they've made the same one before.

I strongly advise approaching your boss and saying that you're struggling with a couple of things, and ask if you can have some extra help. You'll not only be able to work more efficiently and feel more useful at work (and therefore less anxious), your boss will be impressed at the initiative you've taken to improve.

Starting any job is scary, especially your first job, so remember all the employees you're surrounded by have been through the exact process. Believe in yourself, accept that you may make mistakes, learn from them, and work as hard as you can. I promise it will get better with every shift you work!

Chin up and hang in there!

Crystal

GG15Rose · ‎24-06-2015

Hi Angela,

I talked to my parents. They don't believe my anxiety is bad. They yelled and said I need to harden up because all things in life are hard and you can't just give up. But I have worked in other environments before (work experience) and have not had anxiety like this.

I feel like when I ask my boss for help he gets frustrated and doesn't explain in any better, it makes me feel even more stressed.

I spent all day telling myself that I can do it, that it's no big deal but as soon is it got closer to the time I had to work I felt nauseous and couldn't finish my lunch and then my chest started to tighten. I didn't talk myself into it - just the thought of working was freaking me out and I'm not sure if that's okay.

Most my shifts are only 1 hour and a half (I know it's such little time) but I have a four hour shift coming up (my first long one) and I'm trying so hard to forget about it and tell myself that it's all going to be fine but it keeps creeping in and making me anxious.

I know my parents told me that they don't want me to quit but I'm struggling. And I want to keep going but it's so hard to get through the day when I know i have work.

Thank your reply but it honestly helps so much!

GG15Rose · ‎24-06-2015

Hi Crystal!

I work part-time. I only usually do two shifts a week after school and only for an hour and a half. I've tried not to think about it until the day because it stresses me out so much. But on the day I get to the point where I'm going to throw up. All day today (I had a shift - which was cancelled) I tried not to think of it but all of a sudden it would creep into my thoughts and I would get a massive wave of nausea. Especially towards the end of the day when my shift was drawing closer I felt my chest start to tighten. The relief when I got a message saying my shift was canceled was astronomical.

I tell myself that it's okay to make mistakes but I still second guess my decisions. I don't want to make a mistake because when I first started my boss said that he wants someone committed while working and that he fired two girls who he felt were not doing good enough. I try so hard to not think about it but he makes me feel really uncomfortable and pressured. I do ask a lot of questions but everytime I ask one I feel like it down grades me even more. As its a one on one workplace when I work there's no one else who can help me while I'm working as it's only me and the boss.

I don't know how to deal with these feelings and I really feel like the best thing to do is quit but my parents don't approve. Is it okay to quit anyway?

Thank you so much for all your advice - it means a lot.

GG15Rose · ‎24-06-2015

Hi Morgan,

I've talked to my parents now and they don't understand nor approve. They don't want me to be jobless at any point so looking for another job is definitely one on the agenda and I'm definitely applying for places with structure and training as this experience has taught me that I can't handle the uncertainty. But I can't keep going with this job in the meantime. Especially because my mum is leaving for two weeks and if I have an anxiety attack during the night I won't be able to calm myself and that really scares me. My mum listened and will let me quit but my dad was not happy and is very disappointed. They don't understand and I don't want to disappoint them but I know quitting will resolve all this anxiety. I hate feeling like this and with VCE and so much more going on I'm on the brink and i don't want to have any more attacks, especially when there's no one around me.

thankyou so much for your advice. It's been extremely helpful.

morgs29 · ‎25-06-2015

I'm glad you found the advice helpful! I'm sorry to hear your dad wasn't as understanding as you wanted him to be. It can be really hard when our families put pressure on us to be a certain way, but just remember you know yourself better than anybody.

I know the feelings of disappointment are awful, though just remember their expectations are based on feelings you have that they don't understand as well as you do.

Remember to reach out as much as you need during this time and that it took a lot of courage to speak to your parents.

Take care,

Narniakid · ‎25-06-2015

Hi GG15Rose and thank you for your reply, I am glad you found my advice helpful.

It doesn't sound like your boss is very open or accepting to your condition, so I suggest applying for other part tine jobs and when you get an offer, quit your current one. It is so much easier to find a job if you are already employed, so try and stick out the next couple of shifts and apply for lots and lots jobs in the meantime.

Lori · ‎27-06-2015

Hi GG15Rose!

I'm sorry to hear that your having a bad experience with your first job. Your first ever jobs can be really scary and daunting, it definitely doesn't help when your boss inst treating you nicely and that they didn't give you proper training. As much as you want to quit try and hold on, talk to your boss, see if you can get some proper training explain your position your in and tell him you are worried about making mistakes.

It's normal to experience high level's of anxiety in these position's, but always remember you are only human and we all make mistakes. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and to speak up when your struggling, it's how we learn.

I think if your boss isn't going to support you and give you the training you need, and your anxiety is worse, and your parents aren't being understanding i would definitely suggest searching for a new job. No one deserves to be treated badly in the workplace.

Well done to you for getting your first job, and to sticking with it even though it hasn't been a good experience. Keep your head up and keep pushing through hopefully you will get a better job real soon. Stay strong!

- Lori