feeling really out of place

Trish2 · ‎02-05-2020

Hey 🙂 I guess I just wanted to post here about how I've noticed recently that I've started to worry a lot about my future. Growing up, I've been forced to be responsible all the time and it's shaped my personality to not be as fun as I'd like. I can't really help it even though I want it to change. I feel as if I've missed out on so many fun things as I've already passed my teenage years. I haven't lost my virginity, I haven't gone overseas, I haven't gone anywhere nice with just my friends, I haven't really had a chance to go out at all. I've also felt trapped since I've been in a 7 month relationship and I've gotten hardly anything from it sexually speaking. It's stressing me out and I don't know how to cope. This coronavirus situation makes it worse too which kinda sucks 😕

missep123 · ‎02-05-2020

Hi Trish_@!

Sorry to hear that you've been worrying about your future. I have definitely been there as well. I really related to what you wrote about being responsible all the time. I think being responsible is a positive aspect! It also means you can be reliable, and people can count on you.

I know what you mean about feeling as though you missed out on things. I used to feel that way! I then realised that I could do things in my own way, in my own time. When I did end up going overseas, or go somewhere nice with friends it was really enjoyable when it did happen! The good news is that there is still time to do things your way.

With regards to your relationship, have you spoken to your partner about what you are wanting to get out of it (intimacy)?

Here for you!

Trish2 · ‎02-05-2020

Hey Missep! Perhaps maybe I should just be patient and allow these things to happen when they do. I really hope that they happen to me because I feel like I'm getting older and I don't wanna be stuck in a 9 to 5 without time to have fun at all in my life. With the relationship, I have spoken with her and I know why things aren't happening the way I'd like. I've tried to accept it and be supportive but it can stress me out when no progress has been made there so I think that's where the stress comes from.

missep123 · ‎03-05-2020

Hi Trish_@!

It is a great thing that you know that you want to do these things before you get fully stuck into working full time. I think it's very important to make time for these things. I have taken breaks here and there in my life before 'the next step' and travelled and things like that. Also while a lot of people were throwing parties for their 21st I went overseas with my best friends instead. Anything you want to do can be done your own way, in your own time. The good thing is that, although it may seem that a large proportion of people are doing things in a set order at the same time, life is flexible and I always told myself 'what's meant to be will be'.

I see, it is really great that you have spoken to her about these things. Communication is a very strong building block of relationships. Feeling stressed about no progress being made is a very human thing. For myself, when I feel pressured I try to do some meditation or mindfulness. Have you ever done these before?

Trish2 · ‎03-05-2020

Hey missep!

I actually have tried it quite a bit but I ended up stopping a couple of months ago! Perhaps I could try it again and maybe that'll help me out with my thoughts during this pandemic? Seems like a pretty good time to try it again 😄

I actually tried writing down how I felt just in general after last night and I found that it actually helped me calm down so hopefully that'll be a good start to manage everything I'm feeling in these difficult times.

smallwolf · ‎03-05-2020

Hi Trish - sounds like you have had some good ideas come your way. I also think in the current times issues we have can stay with us for longer than we like - there are less things to distract us or allow us to move on. I used to (and am again) working from home and when I have a problem it can be hard to let go of. With that said, with the help of my psychologist found a DBT technique called STOP to help stop the negative thoughts.

I am also a people pleaser which I looked on in negative terms, but my psychiatrist showed me the positive aspects of this. From your post I can see you feel as though you have missed a lot because of extra responsibilities. I would hope you would be able to find some positives here as well?

What are some things you would like to do that for you would be fun?

Tim

missep123 · ‎04-05-2020

Hi Trish_@,

Meditation/mindfulness is definitely a skill that takes time to develop, I've been on and off with it myself but when I do it I feel better for it!

I am so glad to hear that writing everything down helped you last night! This might be a new skill to add to your 'psychological toolbox'! smallwolf also mentioned the STOP technique which is a very useful one to perhaps look into. It has definitely helped me too!

Trish2 · ‎04-05-2020

Hi guys 🙂

I hadn't even heard of the STOP technique before but I'm glad you guys brought it up because I'll definitely try it out. Thanks so much!

Perhaps if I take some time out to consider all the good that came from my responsibilities it might hopefully make me feel better about my situation? I just hope that I'll be able to find a balance between being a fun person to be around and a responsible person.

For me, I'd really like to go out with friends more often than I did before lockdown (or perhaps even make new ones). I think generally speaking I'd just really like to spend more time with those in my life. I like being a part of experiences where I get to be around others as it's something that's always been a part of my life, and to see how much it's changed within the last 2-3 years, it makes me wish I could bring it back up to where it used to be. I know we can't yet go out but I'm glad that I can at least look forward to seeing anyone after it all. Going to bars/clubs is what I'd be most likely to do with them 🙂

missep123 · ‎06-05-2020

Trish_@

I totally get you, I am still finding the balance between being a fun person and being responsible. The feedback I have gotten from my friends and family is that they can always rely on me and still have fun!

I think thinking about all the good that came from your responsibilities is a great idea! Studies have also found that thinking about what you are grateful for can really help to boost wellbeing as well.

It sounds like you are hopeful about the future and that's a wonderful thing to see! It's a great feeling to look forward to something 🙂