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Don’t want to help myself

Community Member

Hi everyone

I am a 25 year old, work full time and live with my partner in a long term relationship.
I’m grateful for everything I have in life, but I just feel like I can’t cope.

I’ve been struggling with anxiety/depression, lately more than ever. I’m on medication and am seeing a psychologist. but Every time I feel like I’m doing better I just crash and it feels like a failure, and then I just spiral again.

I feel like I’m getting to the point where I feel too comfortable with this pattern and don’t know how/want to help myself anymore. I feel like I know what I need to do, I know my triggers, but i just can’t help myself and don’t have the motivation to get better because I know I’ll just end up here over and over again.

does anyone else feel this way?
Does anyone have any suggestions?

thanks in advance

7 Replies 7

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Avondale,

Welcome to our forums...

Having a partner, working full time and in a long term relationship. It really is a great step forward being grateful for these beautiful things..in your life..

You also say that you feel your getting too comfortable in your episodes of depression and anxiety....I think imo that your not very comfortably sitting in the phase you are in in your life....mental health wise..otherwise you wouldn’t be reaching out for help..at these wonderful forums..and I for one am so pleased that you did reach out...

Avondale....Please believe that things can change..with some faith within yourself and learning how to distract yourself from depressive and anxious thoughts you can move forward..,.and stay there..

Triggers that end up making us spiral downwards needs to be managed as soon as we recognise what’s happening...Music has wonderful calming effects on a triggered mind, if you listen to something that you can sing alone with...your thoughts are no longer on negativity..Our brains are very clever things...but not that clever that it can think on 2 things at once...That’s why distracting it away from triggers asap is so important...

Do you have hobbies or likes that consumes your mind into thinking about what your doing?...If so these are other ways of distracting your thoughts from negative to positive...

Avondale...Please don’t ever give up trying for a better life...it’s so well worth it..especially with the love and care of beautiful partner....Life can be good..

Here if you feel up to talking...You are not alone Dear Avondale....

My kindest thoughts with care..



Hey Avondale1234, 

Thanks for reaching out tonight on the Beyond Blue forums, 

We're sorry to hear about your struggle with anxiety and depression. We acknowledge how persistent and overwhelming it can be to live with these mental health challenges. We also understand how difficult it can be to keep seeking support even though it feels not much has improved. It's great that you've reached out to our forums tonight and we really hope some of our community members can talk through these thoughts and feelings with you. 

If you feel up to it, we'd also encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

Hi Grandy

firstly thanks so much for taking the time to respond and sorry for the delay

what you said about not being comfortable really resonated with me. I feel like I’m very used to this pattern and I’m stuck in it, but you’re correct that I do want to change deep down.

ive been trying to listen to music at work which has helped pull me out of negative thoughts. At home it’s a bit more difficult. I don’t feel like I have many hobbies anymore, I’ve been getting back into video games but sometimes I just don’t feel like doing anything and sit on the couch doing nothing. I am aware this doesn’t help me but I don’t know how to motivate myself to do anything else - I think this is what I mean by comfortable.
I will continue trying different things, I’m just exhausted and it’s causing problems in other areas of my life like my relationship.
I have happy times with friends and family and travelling, so I know life can be good. I think this past 2 years has been increasingly difficult, but as I said I’m willing to keep trying and I appreciate all of the advice and support out there.
thanks again

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Avondale1234

The cycles in depression can feel so incredibly cruel. It's like you just can't trust feeling better, which can feel depressing in itself. I feel for you so very much as you face the challenging cycles of depression.

Personally, I'm a self questioner. This is partly how I manage staying out of depression. I'm a sensitive gal so I'm prone to really feeling the downs and know I have to be careful in how I consciously manage not staying in them. I've learned to question everything I say and do. With 'say', this includes internal dialogue. As you'd know, internal dialogue can get pretty brutal. I left 15 years of depression behind me some time ago and there have been a poop load of questions since then 🙂

I'll share my own most mind altering life changing epiphany in the hope that it makes some difference and possibly helps you spot what's going on in the cycles. Challenges in life are never ending. You can always feel when you're in a new one or one that has come 'round in a repeating fashion. If you can't identify or resolve a challenge, the nature of it may be to bring you down until you work out what it's about. Once you work it out, you go up a level. It's like you graduate to a slightly higher level of consciousness or self awareness. Some challenges may take less than a day for me to work out, some take days and some have actually taken years.

I've found some challenges to be clear and some so unclear that they've just about done my head in, leaving me entering into what feels like the beginning of a depression. I'm familiar with that feeling, so I know when I'm beginning to enter back in. I may spend hours or days meditating on what the challenge could be so as to avoid fully going back into a depression. A little obsessive but such meditation/analysis proves revealing.

One of the least clear challenges I've ever faced involves the energy factor. Why don't I have it, what's drained it, why can't I 'charge up', who's exhausting me or not energising me, where and how do I get it? The list goes on. Basically, I've learned that if I don't have enough of the right kind, I'm stuffed mentally and physically. Incoming and outgoing channels are what connects me to life. On the odd occasion, I'll actually sleep for an entire weekend just to charge up. I've learned I need it and therefor see it as highly productive, not lazy.

Could you see yourself identifying and rising through each challenge you face, as opposed to being brought down by them?


Hi all

I hope you are well

I just wanted to get in touch again to see if anyone has experienced this and if you have any suggestions

lately I’ve been getting more strategies to try to calm myself down and cope with anxiety. But often as I said before, I just can’t do it. I feel like I freeze up and don’t want to help myself.

it’s like I know what I can do to help myself feel better, but I can’t bring myself to do it

I have a appointment with a psych tomorrow and I will definitely discuss this. I just thought I would ask

thank you

Community Member

Hi Avondale,

I think I kind of get what you mean to a certain extent.

I do think there’s something comfortable about “suffering”, if that’s the right word to use.

I’m sorry if this isn’t exactly what you’re talking about, but maybe a similar experience I’ve felt is being comfortable with feeling sad because when you don’t care about anything… well… you don’t care about anything. It’s easy to get lost in that feeling.

I used to have a certain type of anxiety for a long time without much change and after seeing a psychologist it sort of began to improve and though I was happier in general, I also felt weirdly scared. I think because it was different and uncomfortable and hard work sometimes.

I don’t know if any of this is what you’re talking about or makes sense.

I really hope you feel better. It’s okay to feel like you can’t cope. You aren’t alone. I imagine it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone while you’re still working through your own stuff. And I don’t think that this is a reason why you shouldn’t be in one, because then, I think, if being completely happy with yourself was requirement for being in a relationship, then nobody would ever get into one. Nobody has zero problems, after all.

Maybe it might be helpful to keep in sight where you came from and keep in mind you progress. I don’t think you can ever real “lose” progress because you’re always learning a little bit every time and… I don’t know… I believe that everything will turn out okay.

I think bringing up these kinds of thoughts with your psychologist is a good idea. Like Grandy said, I think you wouldn't be reaching out if you were completely comfortable.

I hope you’re feeling okay,

CB 🙂

I really relate to what your saying. I find that with life in general, I could do so many things better and have so many resources and people there to help me but I just don’t want too.
I look at people and wonder how they got where they are and want to be able to do what they can do except I just don’t want to do it. I can’t.