Dealing with Loneliness

[September]

Hi! So this'll be my first post, and I'm just looking for some advice. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

So, just some background; I'm 16 y/o and currently going through Year 12 (and the studying is already killing me, as is expected). While I haven't been diagnosed by a professional yet my mum suspects I have some form of depression and/or anxiety (as she has both as well as bipolar disorder, and says I show the symptoms).

Probably my biggest issue at the moment is that I don't really have any friends, and I can't seem to make any. Last year I moved schools along with housing due to legal troubles with my family. Due to this I also lost contact with all of my old friends (aside from the occasional "hey, check this out" on Snapchat).

I never really managed to make any friends at my new school, and even online I've had no luck making friends. I'm very shy in-person, but I also suffer from the most horrifying personality trait of all; I'm a complete bore. I can never find the right words, or carry a conversation, even in subjects I'm interested or knowledgeable in.

For some odd reason, I've managed to find two friends in the past year in the weirdest places (a random chat room on a dumb site and an unpopular social media app), both girls around my age in Australia (different cities, unfortunately). Both eventually turned romantic, and a little after that nonexistent. Nowadays I have no one to talk to.

So asides from the lingering self-loathing from the above breakups as well as literally every other feeling that depression and loneliness entails, I'm pretty much a wreck at the moment. I'm failing my schoolwork (if I can even bother to show up to school half the days), my home life is unbearable (and I have nowhere to go to escape it) and I'm steadily becoming more and more empty and, what's really distressing to me, angry.

I've talked about visiting a professional to chat to with my mum, but there's numerous problems with that; I'm worried about the cost/travel (the place is a few suburbs away) and I've had issues with professionals in the past (most notably me being unable to be honest and open with them).

I have a myriad of other issues that I'm currently dealing with (although to call them "issues" makes me feel somewhat like ... well, a pussy), but this is the most pressing in my opinion. Wow, this was long. Thank you so much for even listening to what I have to say, it means so much to me.

[RobbieP]

Hey September,

Welome to BB forums.

This must be very overwhelming and fraustrating, I know what it's like to go through Yr 12 but believe it will go quick and it'll all be worth it in the end.

An important thing I uncovered was feeling not ok is ok, isn't doesn't make you a pussy or anything along them lines, I suffer from PTSD and once you understand that is ok and you can recover you can start your road to recovery.

BB website has amazing knowledge on there that can provide you with information that you want to know, also has a char centre to a online professional and a number.

My advice is try be active exercise, join a team sport that will release the pressure regarding your friends situation, you will be able to meet amazing people doing this, as my self during school I was in the same boat up until I started playing rugby league that really kicked off my life.

At any stage you feel anxious or not you're self you can do 'mindfulness' this allows you to relax and become aware of your situations if your in a anxious or overwhelmed start, mindfulness can also include meditation or any sort of brain activity. This allows you to think clearer and make better decisions

One more important note, Seeing professionals are ok and if you need to see more then one to find the right one then that's ok too! It's important to open up to professional as they don't judge and they need to understand what is going on in your head so they can create strategies to help you.

I hopeni have helped mate! Take care of yourself and BB forum members are always here!

[Starwolf]

Hi September, welcome to the forums.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us.

Being in year 12 means there is already a lot of pressure on you. Your Mum may be right, mental conditions can be genetic. I suggest you do the K10 test (in the Facts section, top left of this page) to give you a better idea of what you are up against. I would also highly recommend you have an open, honest talk with your school counselor. Rest assured those people are professionals who have heard it all before...and some more. No need to feel embarrassed. Counselors are there to help you but can only do so if they have a clear idea of what your situation is. No need to struggle alone.

Mental conditions are medical conditions. They should be treated as such. Being 16, you don't need parental approval to see a GP. You are entitled to your own Medicare card and could see a doctor in your own suburb.You may need to go on a mental health plan, including a number of subsidised sessions with a therapist.

Failed relationships take 2 people. So no need to shoulder ALL the blame. What happens in cyberworld is often a long shot away from reality. Getting to know someone online enough to engage in a relationship would be difficult...unless you can talk and interact face to face often.

Please keep in mind that there is no forming friendships without putting yourself out there. Is there an extra curricular activity you would be tempted to join ? Nothing like shared interests to break the ice. Your post shows that you are in fact articulate and have terrific insight. The inability to put it in words is obviously a matter of poor self-image and confidence. Counseling could help you with that. If face to face conversation is too daunting, why not put it all into writing like you have courageously done here and hand it over ?

Struggling alone in a difficult and complex situation doesn't make you a pussy. It takes guts. A lot more than for those dealing with average situations. Please give yourself the break you so much deserve... be kinder to yourself.

If you need to take time off to sort yourself out, it won't be the end of the world. My daughter did just that and successfully returned to school later as mature student. Your mental/emotional well-being is the priority.

Here for you.

[Emily9]

Hi there,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, it is the exact same for me except I have only just started high school.

Back in primary school I never really had friends, they all thought I was boring and pointless and that it was weird how I wasn't allowed to stay up late or watch the same things on tv and social media.

I have recently been diagnosed with anxiety, and I have been put on some medication that is supposed to help me, and I think it is.

I see a psychologist, psychiatrist and a school counsellor. My parents found out when I attempted to run away from home last year.

They then took me to my GP, which I think you should try, as they put me in to professional support.

I know the cost is a lot for professional support, but it helps me.

Another thing you should try is an app called Smiling Mind, it is a meditation app and it helps me relax.

I hope this helps and that you get help soon!

[LemonJnr]

Hi September,

I think the key to recovering from loneliness starts by meeting new people. You have to keep meeting people until you find someone who's also looking to be friends with you (i.e. you are comfortable being with them, have something in common, or just even something simple as just studying the same subject as you said you were going through year 12 HSC). This may sound tough knowing you said you were shy so I would recommend you first try take your mind off things because thinking too much can never be too healthy. You can do this by something simple as exercising or learning how to cook (maybe with your mum), going to a gym instead maybe, or joining a local club you may be interested in, have a look around your local area for clubs or ask around if you don't know any. It really is all about taking a few steps at a time.

Year 12 is just a phase in life.

Stay well mentally and keep yourself physically fit.

[Mark1234]

Hey, I used to go through a similar phase myself. I think since your in year 12 you should just study, finish your exams and then leave home. Then you can start a fresh new life meeting lots of new and interesting people. Just finish school and then live life to the fullest

[AnxSam]

Hi guys,

I'm going through a similar position as most of you are. I currently find myself feeling lonesome most of the time as well, although I do have a partner who supports me through my tough times and understands anxiety and depression herself.

I always feel alone when I'm not with her she supports me like a rock. I've lost plenty of friends in recent years have struggled to form proper friendships with people, even at work i work with people who i don't consider friends at all and its tough to go in and be 'fake' around others.

My closest mate suffers from depression and anxiety as well, however, he lives on the other side of town (almost an hours drive) so catching up, or having a beer or two is hard and I don't have anyone else!

I'm 26 years old working a job I hate (that's for another thread) around people I don't like nor have formed friendships over, find myself alone MOST of the time. I've always struggled in social events to make friends and keep friendships, I'm generally okay enough to go out but FAR TO SHY to talk to others and form relationships, so i guess that's my biggest concern as i approach my 30's