Constantly Losing Friends
Does anyone ever feel like they don't belong anywhere in this world? I recently figured something out. That anyone who I consider as friends will eventually leave at one point in my life.
I have a friend who I consider as one of the "best ones" told me the other day about their birthday plans. Okay, let's call them x. So x was going to do 2 "parties", one with their "best friends" group and one with basically everyone. I'm not in the "best friends" group and of course no, I didn't feel left out because hey, it's not my business who you call "best friend".
But today, x posted on social media. The "best friends" group is apparently the new group of friends that x recently met a few weeks ago. This group is the "always dressed up nice in case I need to take photos" and "active" social media users who constantly update their posts so people know what's going on in their life.
DISCLAIMER: I'm NOT against these people, I know them in person too, I do and will take photos for them if they ask. I tried so hard to find a better way to describe them people but that's the best I can do so I apologies if it sounds offending.
I know I shouldn't feel left out, but I somehow do. Because I know for a fact that I'm different, I'm not one them, I'm nowhere close enough. I wear casual outfits and barely dress up unless I know that I need to (common sense). Although, most of the time when I do dress up, I'm the odd one in the group... I also take regular breaks from social media.
Another reason as well, why I felt that way is because this has happened to me a few times before. First, they slowly fade away, then they leave you, eventually. Without any explanations, what did I do wrong? What makes me not qualified enough to be one's friend?
A little background about myself, I had severe social anxiety that I finally overcame last year. I used to hide in the toilet's cubicle in big social gathering until someone comes to pick me up. I don't have many friends and once I consider them as "best friends", I mean it and it hurts so much when they leave out of the blue. The amount of times this has happened makes me think that I'm not worthy enough. I know I do but it seems like the world doesn't agree with me here?
Is it just me being selfish, thinking all about myself? Should I really feel left out?? What should I do? Does anyone ever feel this way? What do you do when you feel this way?
Hi there Omelleteee!
I think that what you are going through is perfectly normal. It’s okay to feel left out and jealous of other people, the dividing difference between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ is what you do with those feelings. What your friend did was in my opinion a bit inconsiderate, but everyone has their days.
I had the same problem as you, I would make friends with people, only to realise they didn’t really think of me in the same way. A good piece of advice from my parents was,
“Friends are here and now, friends are people in the present who make you feel happy and who you make feel happy. Friends are not forever sadly, as people change over time, all you can do is keep with the friends that want to stay and let go of the ones that don’t.”
At the moment, my best friend is kinda, leaving me behind too. I don’t have social media and she lives very far away and when I visited her she had changed so much, she wasn’t the person I had befriended. That’s a prime example of someone changing and the stable relationship slowly fading.
Social anxiety can be tough when you’re trying to make new friends, so I understand how a close friend leaving can affect how you feel a lot more than one of mine leaving. But, Your a hundred percent qualified to be someone’s friend, maybe just not theirs.
Now you could always wait for someone to come over and befriend you, but sometimes it doesn’t work very well, so every now and then, if you feel up to it, sit next to a new person or add a few comments to a conversation. That way it shows you interested and open to conversing and associating with them.
I wouldn’t be to angry at your friend, either. She is just changing and moving on.
Also by the way, dressing casual is super comfy and super cool right now! So not only is it practical, but where I am, it’s good fashion. I have to say I live in pjs and shorts paired with literally anything.
have a nice day!
I agree totally with Red.
Also friendships are fluid, they come and go.
But I’ve picked up on one thing in your post that isn’t fair on you- that you’re different. Who wants to be a sheep like others?
Be yourself and be more positive about being unique.
I had an acquaintance once, a guy that acted a little weird, he’d break out into singing songs every time a word fitted into a song he knew. Everyone thought he was so odd they stayed away. But because of this he was in the fringe of groups like me. I got to know him and he had an enormous heart. When he rang me one day and wished me happy birthday I knew he was a good friend, when he rang as my dad passed away it confirmed it.
Thise are the friendships you need and if that means none of your current friends appreciate you enough- find better ones.
You are doing nothing wrong
Hi there omlleteee. i can see were your coming from because i have a friend with social anxiety and i try to help him as much as possible but he goes home half way through the day. its not fair that people leave you out because your different.
your are doing nothing wrong and you need to be who you are and you just need to find the right people to be your friends.
Hi Red! Thank you so much for your advice, it's very helpful and I really appreciate it. I definitely am not angry or anything. I'm just a little upset knowing that our friendship isn't mutual.
And what your parents said reminds me of what my mum said when I was younger! Thanks again, I was so drowned into my own thoughts that I couldn't think of other things.
Your friend actually reminds me of myself. I don't "always" break out into singing songs every time a word fitted into a song I know but I occasionally do that AND only around those people that I am comfortable with. I also love doing crappy, stupid dance moves when I hear music playing in public but oh well, some of my friends actually thought that it's weird and were embarrassed walking/standing next to me... What's worst, my ex-partner was the same too. He'd yell at me and tell me to stop cause I looked "stupid". So I stopped, but not for long!!
I left his arrogant ass (pardon my french) and worked hard on accepting myself as who I really am. I really thought I nailed it and I looooveee who I am, how different, unique and original I am. But from times to times, there are times when I feel worthless and unwanted and I couldn't help it.