Young people

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Eeep! When study is overwhelming! - Tips, ideas and coping strategies

replies: 51

Hi! Just thought I’d make a post with some tips for study. I know this is something we can all struggle with. These are all suggestions so feel free to take them or leave them! Hope they help! If you only remember one thing, let it be this: You are important. Your grades don’t define you. (support) Studying can feel isolating but know you’re not alone! Reach out – and find or make friends that can support you along the way. If you’re having trouble finding some friends, join some local communities or clubs! They have lots at Uni’s and even stuff like open days are great ways to meet new people and find out what’s happening. Study groups can also be a great way to meet people and stay motivated. Also remind yourself why you’re doing this; inspirational wallpapers or quotes can be super inspiring. Remember the saying about the oxygen mask? If you can’t take care of yourself first studying will be harder. You are important. You know the drill - water, food, exercise, sleep. Try to stay calm. Stuff that might be able to help include mindfulness, breathing exercises, colouring in, going for walks, journaling, listening to music… If you’re struggling – reach out. See a therapist. Talk to your student counsellor. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Also lots of Universities and TAFE offer disability services – which includes conditions like Depression and Anxiety. (study) Find the right study space for you. Maybe that’s in your room, or a coffee shop, or the library. Some people find that noise helps; other people not so much. If you like particular kinds of noise, you can find ‘coffee shop’ noise or ‘rain sounds’ to help concentrate. Make a plan. It helps to do it often so it becomes a habit. Anytime you get a due date, write it down. Maybe you could use a diary, planner, bullet journal or an app. I find the 30/30 App helpful - study for a bit and then break for a bit. You can also get add-on’s for your computer to block sites like Facebook if you find them too distracting. Find out what study technique works for you. Do you like cue cards? Mind maps? Colour coding? Does highlighting stuff help you remember? Charts, maps, diagrams? Recorded lectures? Goals! These are so important – not just writing down deadlines but rewarding yourself for meeting them. Even making smaller goals like ‘read two pages from a textbook’ can help. Break it down into bite size pieces, and don’t forget to reward yourself after!

NEW TO THIS FORUM? Please read this first

replies: 0

The Young People space is a sub-forum within the wider Beyond Blue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide members aged 25 and under a space to discuss anxiety, depression and other related life issues. If you are aged over 25, please be mindful that this forum is a space for younger people to connect and provide peer support for each other. 2. Content from this sub-forum is displayed on both the beyondblue and youthbeyondblue websites. 3. Please bear in mind that some members find content relating to suicide and/or self-harm distressing or triggering. If you would like to post on these topics, please do so in our Suicidal Thoughts and Self Harm section. Please see also our guidelines for making posts on this topic. Posts made here in the Young People sub-forum containing content relating to suicide and/or self-harm will be moved. 4. These forums are moderated, so your posts may not appear straightaway. Information on how our system works can be found here. Being familiar with our community rules can help ensure that your posts appear online as quickly as possible. 5. This is a peer support community, and to get the best out of being here we recommend that you 'give support to receive support'. More on how that works here.

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Always feel embarassed/ashamed of how I act at school

replies: 3

hi all, So lately I've always been feeling ashamed of how I act at school, more specifically stuff like overly putting myself down (which seems to annoy my classmates, who are all lovely people) and acting kinda stuck up and nerdy, but in a REALLY annoying and snotty way. It may sound weird that I'm observing this stuff but have not solved the problem already. You see, at school, I feel as though all of my actions are under a microscope, being looked at by both my peers and myself. I think I crack under the pressure of that mindset and I don't think about what I say/do when I'm around my peers. After school, I over-analyse my actions that day and cringe at what I've done, and start to freak out about how my classmates would view me. I fear that I've already created a crappy impression of myself to them, so they'll always see me as that cringy, annoying, stuck-up girl. Also, it seems that my classmates have kinda created an image for me, as a really nerdy, studious, "know-it-all" girl, and honestly I feel like I've moulded myself to fit that (at least during the time I'm at school, I seem to align myself with that "persona"). I also feel like at school I act way too dramatic, loud and over the top, and although I find myself funny, I know I annoy the crap out of my peers. At school, I act and talk somewhat impulsively and I just know that my classmates would talk about it with each other (they're all very observant, and I've been in conversations where they analyse other people's actions really closely, so it wouldn't be that unrealistic for them to be talking like that about me). This makes me kinda feel like an outcast, and I almost feel like I'm slipping down a mountain and can't grab on, because I constantly lose control of my actions. At times like these, I feel like isolating myself completely from my friends so I have no chance of embarrassing myself, but my psychologist (who I don't very often, and I have talked to on this issue but I would still like another perspective on it) has told me that this is a bad idea, which is fair, and she said that I should work harder to be close to + hang out with them all! I know that it's possible to control them and be more controlled in general, but I need some advice on it. Deep down I dream (ahah this sounds so cringy) of one day being like some of the year 12 girls at my school. They're graceful, kind, and calm, and although they're not perfect they just seem so in control of themselves and their image!

Should I seek another diagnosis?

replies: 4

Short and simple: I fear I might have ADHD. Maybe fear isn't the right word. I fear that me thinking I have ADHD is conceited. To clarify, I was diagnosed with depression. Can't say what it is exactly, since I don't remember. It was a while ago, more than a year at this point, and I haven't seen a 'professional' for more than half a year. While I'm sure asking for advice here isn't... great, well. I want to. Here's a lil rundown of my stupidity. I am currently facing three wonderful assignments. Two are exams, one is a proper project (that I can't even begin to unpack, I don't understand it and no one seems to be willing to actually help) So obviously, I come home and say that I'll work. Cue me looking at the clock, having done absolutely nothing, and its time to sleep. I can't even think straight typing this. I want to stop already and play a game or something. Same goes for things in class. I either stare at my screen blankly, or I stick my face into my phone trying to hide it. It's awful. I never get work done, and it becomes extra awful if someone I know is sitting with me because then they become my point to bounce from. I can't tell if it's the depression on its own, a possible anxiety disorder (I say possible, but I know for a fact that the intensity and frequency ain't normal) or if I really may have ADHD. As a side note, I only got diagnosed so recently because my family was sceptical of my struggles and I tried hiding it from them. Tl;dr, I suspect that my inability to focus or work may stem from more than just depression. Is it worth seeking out another diagnosis, or should I just chalk it up to depression?

Being the disappointment of the family

replies: 4

Hey guys, I'm Tyrone (as you can see from my username), the last few days I've been feeling a hard wave of disappointment. I feel like I've embarrassed my parents for too long now, at this point I don't know what to do, since family came back from overseas - they've been a real tight arse on me, I'm no longer entitled to make my own decisions no more, no longer allowed to see friends, no longer allowed to socialise. I try my best not be so hard on myself, to show my siblings that I can continue walking on my own two feet, but I'm tired and it hurts trying to maintain a peaceful mind when the whole world has felt like it's turned against me. This year has taken a toll on me, I lost all my friends because someone spread rumours about me cheating on my ex girlfriend. Knowing that those things unfolded, I had people in my church confront me on stuff I didn't do; I ended up swallowing the hard pill and take the lie because I didn't want my ex to be part of all that stuff, she went through enough hearing those things from other people. A few months after all the incidents happened, I would cry myself to sleep because I couldn't stand the pain no more. I've always been one to watch out for those people, but as soon as I needed them - they all turned against me, family and friends. I kinda wish the pain and suffering would stop, I'm really tired fighting to be a better person when all these things are still on my back.

Am I in the wrong for this?

replies: 6

This is my first ever forum post and I'm not great at expressing situations so forgive me if it sounds like i'm being dramatic! So i have this online friend, lets call him Brad, who goes to one of my irl friend's schools. I've known him for about a year and recently he created an instagram groupchat with two of my school friends and I. Last night he asked a pretty random question, "Is anyone here a furry?". Now I myself am not a furry nor do I have anything against them, but I was well aware of how he felt towards them. My other two friends responded no as well and one of them asked "why?". Brad responds with "they are a mistake in our society, a plague". This is where the argument kicked off and he got a lot more violent from this point on. He continued to express why he hates them (which consisted of mostly extreme exaggerations and 'facts' that had no statistics). My friend and I provided points to try and get him to reconsider his view and stop being so aggressive, he constantly ignored them by saying 'they made no sense' (he's done this in multiple other arguments in the past as well) and sent multiple anti-furry memes (pretty harsh ones, at that) despite the subject of our conversation. His arguments were extremely violent and were making everyone uncomfortable. He admitted that his views were extremely harmful but claimed it didn't matter because it was "his opinion". I understand people are entitled to their opinion, but only when they can actually argue for it, which he definitely couldn't. The conversation quickly moved from that topic and went to the subject of accepting that not everyone has the same interests, but he quickly assumed the same closed-minded opinions that he had before. He acts like he's all noble because they're 'his views' and he 'stands for them'. He said he wouldn't change them, and I see this as willingly being stubborn and closed-minded. We never insulted him, but he insulted us. Brad later left the server and blocked both me and my friends. Despite blocking me, he went to discord this morning and sent me a whole paragraph, yet again insulting me, swearing at me, and comparing me to his ex gf and her friends. He ended up blaming the argument on me for 'finally figuring out that he was a negative person'. I responded to him, he said ok and blocked me. I've been thinking and now i'm wondering if i'm actually in the wrong??

Bi Muslim with a drug habit, toxicish friends

replies: 2

Hi this is my (21 M) first forum post so idk if I’ve already broken any rules with the spicy title but it true and I’ve got a list now so I’ll take it one by one bi- tbh I don’t even know what I am (definitely lean closer to gay) and I’ve been told that’s okay but like it’s still annoying not being straight because everything would be so much easier but hey that’s life and I’ve kinda learnt to deal with this thing and just decided that if I can’t find a girl who I can love for real for real I’ll just stay single out of family/community requirements and that’s okay for now Muslim - I’ll start by saying I’m not a great Muslim i don’t pray I drink I smoke I lie and I have gay hookups BUT I love my religion so much the love compassion and power built into it combined with the knowledge and energy I receive from it from it is unparalleled religion has always been a path back to stasis for whenever I feel overwhelmed however it is hard being gay and Muslim as those paths have zero space for overlap drug habit- I smoke weed socially on a daily basis and have done for the past 2 years It started after I received a undeserved fail on a uni subject and developed into an escape from reality. I have subsequently failed my last 3 semesters as I spend most of my spare time smoking with my friends. I see weed as a double edged sword on one hand it helps me escape a lot of the anxiety of my sexuality which is so very nice however this escape becomes too comfortable and it takes away from my productivity and self improvement toxicish friends- while I consider myself an introvert I have been told the opposite by enough people to know better. I have a decent amount of friends from all walks of life however they’re not all as accessible or entertaining as my oldest friends from my private Muslim high school who I see and smoke with on a daily basis and while I genuinely love and care for these boys as my own brothers I know that they’re not great for my mental health as I’m being called gay slurs “as banter” however I know these boys care about me as long as they think I’m straight. And when we’re all chill and happy together I feel at home with them. However there was an incident where I was recently accidentally outed to one of the boys by a mutual friend who I’ve come out too this spread the news to the whole group and caused strife however I was ‘tested’ and reconvinced them of my ‘straightness’ after a ‘spontaneous’ brothel trip, this is where I lost my virginity...

Parents are too strict and won't listen to me

replies: 2

Hi everyone, just a little context; I'm 15 and I'm the oldest sibling of 3, and I live with my mum and her partner (not my dad). I'm just finishing yr 10 and plan on going to uni which I'm working towards rn aswell. My mum and her partner are really harsh on the kids in my family, and I feel like especially me. She is always setting rules and boundaries that I think are completely out of line and are really unreasonable. It's too much for me to handle and I don't know what to do because they just take everything away from me because they think it's the right thing to do. I already get my devices taken off of me every night after dinner, even if I have homework or an assignment to finish and they often confiscate them for days at a time. I'm not allowed to talk to my friends most of the time and most nights I end up crying in my room because they get angry and say really mean stuff to me (e.g. make points regarding me being a failure, eating disorders, fat shaming, cussing at me etc.), and I don't have anyone to talk to. They keep on insisting that I am a horrible kid and need to be grounded all of the time. I am a really good student and work hard all the time, and I also participate in activities outside of school that all important and they have stopped me going to them too. So far they have written a 3 page "contract" that has a bunch of really unfair rules and made me sign it (if I didn't then I wouldn't be allowed my phone or see any of my friends outside of school ever). They recently grounded me for a month and won't tell me why, and also took my bedroom door off it hinges because "they haven't got anything else to take but my privacy". They've given me a long list of things to do so I can get my door put back on but I'm struggling and I don't believe that any of this is the right thing to do. I've tried talking to them before about how I think their rules are too strict and unrealistic but they keep ignoring me and won't respect my opinion. They also plan on getting a family control app which gives them access to everything on my phone and I dont know what to do because I feel kind of violated by the way they keep taking away my freedom and privacy. And im not trying to make excuses but I am definitely not the worst behaved kid, and I do not think that I deserve the punishment they've given me. I'm so done with all the crap they dish out and I don't want to be feeling hurt or violated by my own family or crying all the time. Any help? Thanks

Worried about my future career options

replies: 1

I'm almost 22, currently in my second year going on to my third next and final year next year in a bachelor of communication advertising university degree. Trying to pick my classes for next year I have had many doubts this year on my overall course. I worry a lot about the jobs out there available in advertising, specifically where they are available. As I live a bit more inland and in the country side, it feels as if all the advertising roles are available outside of Melbourne and other large cities. My boyfriend and I don't tend to like the city and would prefer to live out of it, I have considered the possibility of living closer to the city but outside of the city, but housing prices seem so high where I have been looking. I worry that I will get nothing out of the bachelor and that I should have done a tafe course that will give me a specific qualification or skill that is more needed in the job market such as an engineer or a electrician. So many people tell me that I shouldn't worry about it because the job market is hard in any area and I just need to give it a go, but I just can't help worrying that what I'm doing is a waste of time. I really don't mind where I end up working, wither that's in administration or sales, all I want is a stable job that has the possibility of working up overtime to earn a higher salary, that has a base salary of around or over 50k a year. I have considered talking to someone and seeing if my university offers career counselling advice, but I feel like I don't have a clear career in mind for them to help me get into, they may not know what to tell me. Has anyone been through this or have any advice for me? I just want to be able to feel like I have some sort of a plan or multiple plans as a safety net, and I hate feeling like my current course is a waste of time, especially when they always emphasize the importance or networking and how so many people just say that its who you know that gets you into a job a lot of the time.

Feeling lost with life

replies: 1

Hi, I suppose I am looking for some guidance. For the last 9 years i have felt like i have lost myself. Long story short, I developed an eating disorder when i was very very young. During this time I lost my best friend. We use to do everything together, always hang out on weekends etc.. Although sometimes, she wasn't exactly what others would call a best friend as she would often verbally abuse me and just be plain nasty i.e. tell me i couldn't hang with other people, force me to eat servings after servings of cake because i was skinnier than her and she wanted to make me fat, make me roll in mud etc. After our fallout, I moved schools within the same town and couldn't make friends, so i decided to focus on school and my grades, even on weekends i would spend the day doing homework. Consequently, with the lack of social interaction i developed social anxiety. I then moved towns and again schools, this time i became friendly with a group of people but i still didn't consider any as true friends as we would never hang out aside from school and i would always felt left out and couldn't relate. Again, i also focused on my grades and struggled to talk to people. At both new schools, people would often laugh at me and say things behind my back, things like that i was the devil or that i would just come home and stare at a wall all day. By my last year in high school i was truly recovered from my eating disorder and once I finished school and got my first proper job, it only lasted a month because my boss would verbally abuse me. So i spend my gap year staying inside the house. I then moved 600 km away from my family into the city to start university, hoping to start fresh, be a new person, and make friends. A year later, I changed degree as I was unsatisfied into a new degree that i still feel unsatisfied with but I'm still sticking with it. My plan to start fresh hasn't been going well, i can't make friends no matter how hard I try, nothing interest me anymore, I just sit at home in a house i rent by myself all day doing university work and just feel like I don't have a life. I've always felt that I was destined to do something great, but now I don't believe in this. My younger brother often tells me that no offense the last person he would want to be is me because i don't have a life. I feel like I've never been the same since developing the eating disorder, like I've missed a big part of my life and that everyone is getting somewhere in life except me.

services or organizations to help with practical problems

replies: 2

Hi there, Are there any services or organizations that would be able to help with the below.... I want to find a tutor re find out what I don't know or help create revision plan from previous uni studies because of gaps in time in study. A parent tried to help me with it and talked with someone and they said they would get back to us after a certain day... and didn't Also in initial stages with other people re text and they said have a meeting to discuss it even though I stated I don't know where to start (in initial contact) My psychologist hasn't been any help in the matter. So I'm wondering if there's anyone out there who has psychological training with education who could help me what to write or say so I don't come across as distressed.

struggling with social anxiety post-lockdown

replies: 2

I'm from victoria and over the past few weeks, restrictions have been easing more and more. We're now able to see more people and there are less limits to what we can do and where we can go, which is great and i've been looking forward to this for months! But I feel like I'm still in lockdown. I haven't been going out very much. It's not because of fear of covid, it's more so due to anxiety about being out in public and socialising. I do have anxiety but previously have never really experienced social anxiety too badly.I love going out and socialising. But after how many months of lockdown, I feel so anxious about being seen, worried about saying something stupid or whatever. It doesn't really help that a couple days ago when I was at the shops with my mum and my brother's girlfriend, a strange middle aged guy approached me and asked for some of my hair and was complimenting my hair as he stroked my hair. It was very uncomfortable. As a young woman I have experienced uncomfortable and unwanted male attention before, but until now I had never experienced someone getting in my personal space like that. I'm 18 and I want to be going out and having fun but after that incident I feel more anxious about going out. I'm less anxious about going to my friends house, but when it comes to going to the shops or going to a restaurant, I can't get myself to do it. I feel miserable that after months of isolating, I'm still kinda isolating myself. I want to be able to go out and enjoy life. Recently I've also been feeling insecure and anxious about not being good enough (not being a good enough friend, not being good enough for the guy i like to like me back, etc). I was so excited about lockdown ending, I'm so confused where all this anxiety came from!

Eeep! When study is overwhelming! - Tips, ideas and coping strategies replies: 51

NEW TO THIS FORUM? Please read this first replies: 0

Always feel embarassed/ashamed of how I act at school replies: 3

Should I seek another diagnosis? replies: 4

Being the disappointment of the family replies: 4

Am I in the wrong for this? replies: 6

Bi Muslim with a drug habit, toxicish friends replies: 2

Parents are too strict and won't listen to me replies: 2

Worried about my future career options replies: 1

Feeling lost with life replies: 1

services or organizations to help with practical problems replies: 2

struggling with social anxiety post-lockdown replies: 2