Are my friends jealous or just want to pick on me?

[Kiki207]

Hi everyone,

My friends seem to like calling me a twig. I am naturally skinny and don't gain much when I eat heaps. My friends call themselves fat and thick all the time (in text they say phat and thicc which really annoys me sometimes). I don't know if my friends are just jealous and calling me a twig is their way of expressing it or if they just want to pick on me.

The time this affected me most was when I was in music class. My friends and I were in a smaller practice room, and they weren't doing anything. I was just playing the cheap piano in the room, and I think my friends thought I was too busy concentrating on the music to listen to them. I wasn't concentrating on the music at all, but on their conversation. They were watching a video about anorexia and one of my friends, who made up twig and mainly says it, said "now that person's a twig!" And then she was quiet for a moment and said "no, kiki's twiggier"

That was 3 weeks ago and it still bothers me. I don't know why it gets to ne so much as I don't have anorexia and haven't been self conscious about my body before. I want to confront my friends but I don't know how. Any advice will be much appreciated.

xox

Kiki

[smallwolf]

Hi Kiki,

If this is something that bothers you, your friends should stop. So it is not cool in that respect.

If you feel you are becoming self conscious you could talk to your school counsellor.

I would also remember that if you did react, or try to get them to stop, your "friends" would say it more.

Can I ask whether you react at all what they say about you? I guess that I am suggesting that if you make it appear to them that it does not bother you they might stop. ie Don't give them the satisfaction. Whether it is jealousy or not I could not really say. You also said they call themselves fat. They may not know of the effect the words have on others.

Tim

[WhiteBear]

Hi Kiki207,

You know why they do it. They like the reaction they get out of you, and more likely the fact that you’re an easy target. They target the flaws that hurt the most and they can get away with it. It’s particularly difficult if they target a physical characteristic that you’re unable to change.
Ultimately, you have a choice. Either pull them to the side and ask them to stop, or treat the comments as insignificance and laugh. It’s how you feel about yourself inside. An acceptance of who you are. Everyone as aspects of themselves they would like to change, but the important thing is to appreciate and be grateful for all the good aspects of you. If you take a macro view that aspect your focusing on is actually quite small in comparison.

If the group dynamics is about making fun of each other, and you don’t like it. It might be best to find new friends. I learnt a long time ago, that it’s better to be happy with no friends, than hang around people that make you feel bad about yourself.

You have the power.

[Kiki207]

Tim,

Thank you for responding to me. At first, I tried to laugh it off with my friends and act as if it didnt bother me, even though it does greatly. Eventually, I couldn't hold it in and started showing negative reactions.

Judging from other things they say, I am led to believe that you are right in thinking that they mightn't know the effect words have on others.

Thank you for replying, I will take your advice in going to the school counsellor once holidays end.

xox

Kiki

[Kiki207]

WhiteBear,

Thank you for your reply. If I was to pull them aside and ask them to stop, how do you recommend me to do it? Should I just ask them to stop and that's it? Or should I explain why its making me upset? I've never really been comfortable with opening up to them because if I do they get competitive and try to be 'more depressed' than me.

"it’s better to be happy with no friends, than hang around people that make you feel bad about yourself."

This sentence really got to me. I've always been dependent on people in life, and I'm scared to be alone. But I'm also scared to see them. Do you think that, despite my dependency on company, I could be happy alone? I guess i could be, but I'm just scared of what they'll do behind my back.

I really just want a friend who gets and accepts me for who i am. How do I find that?

Xox

Kiki

[___this_goes_to_11]

i don't know man but it seems to me like they are self conscious of there bodies and they probably don't think it affects you too much. like everyone else said talk to them and if they play it up like it's a joke ditch their asses.

[Kiki207]

,,,this goes to 11,

Thank you for your reply. The only thing about ditching them is that I will be completely alone because my so called friends and I are already low in social status (in my school youre either high or low theres no in between) and if I leave them I won have anyone.

Although ive really found myself in these school holidays and I have realised that I will survive. As long as I have my family im fine. Tbh i will just be on here during breaks because the people here are nicer than everyone at school lol.

Xox

Kiki

[WhiteBear]

Hi Kiki207,

Sorry for the late reply. Only decided to go over some of my previous posts. What your going though is very similar to my life. I've always taken the criticism to heart. They always seem to know how to push the buttons. Target the areas that hurt the most. My weak points were different to you. I'm a 46 year old bisexual male. All my "friends" knew before I did. Being bi meant I had to choose a side, and thought I could hide who I was. Unfortunately, they also have weaknesses, but they like to have people around that they perceive as weaker. It's actually very primitive. It's completely fear based.

You don't have to face up to them. It may be pointless. I certainly had "friends" like that. I just decided to drift away from them. They no longer suited me. You ultimately have the power. Find people that make you happy. Unfortunately, you'll have to be happy first. Work on yourself. Hang around the right people with the right energies that suit you. Don't just choose people for the sake of companionship. This applies to any relationship.

I know this is difficult. It is certainly a challenge for me still. Negativity it so damaging. Don't give in to any form of fear. Take charge of your life.

Regards,

WB