Anxiety - Hot Flashes

[Mikaela_21]

All through my highschooling life, I've had anxiety someway. In grade 8 I wasn't that bad with my anxiety, I would go red with every presentation in front of the class but that was mainly it, I seemed fairly confident. I did get bullied from time to time by mainly popular kids and that would always make me angry and sad.

By now my anxiety has gotten bad. I'm in grade 10 and at first my confidence was at an all time high and I was not caring about what people thought about me until this one time in History, some girl was getting in trouble in front of me and everybody in the class was looking and then I started to go really really red. I wanted to run out of the class and right as I looked up as the teacher stopped yelling at the girl one of the really popular guys was looking at me and sort of smiling like; wtf is with her?? 😂. Ever since that moment in History, I've been avoiding that class.

My hot flashes are ruining my education and my life. I go red presenting something at school, or even when a teacher asks me a question or when any attention is drawn to or near me. I go red at the supermarket when walking out in the open or at the checkouts. I go red when seeing family like when I say hi when we first get there. I feel so angry and upset with myself that I can't stop doing this. I feel all panicky whenever I go red, my heart beats faster and I get shorter breaths and disconnected from the real world as I feel I'm standing in fire.

This feels weird but relieving to talk about my anxiety out in the open. Every night I pray to God about my anxiety, I'm not a religious person but it feels good to talk to somebody. I never talk about my emotions or feelings because of people and my family ignoring me or talking over me etc.. If I were confident I wouldn't ever ever eveeeer take it for granted I would be the happiest girl ever, seriously. I guess I'll never be that confident amazing datable girl, and I have to accept that... 😢😔

[Jacko777]

Hi Mikaela_21,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time with this. I reckon there will be some things you can do about this, I know I also used to suffer from this. Have you talked to your school counselor?

I shall tell you what works for me. I don't care what people think about me anymore! I decide whether I am a good person, I can look at myself, be truthful and know. So no matter how much I am judged by others, it makes no difference, their judgment of me is a reflection of them, not me.

Being angry and upset will not help you, it is in these moments that you want to find peace and happiness, definitely a good time to try some slow breathing, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out, not deep, tell yourself that you don't care if you are blushing, you don't care what people think, they certainly aren't giving it as much thought as you think they are. With practice this mindset has made a difference for me.

Pray to the spark of God within you, tell yourself that you are strong, you are not easily disturbed by the thought of others. Don't accept anything less than what your true self deserves, you will be the happiest girl ever.

Jack

[Narniakid]

Hi Mikaela_21 and welcome to BB!

One of the techniques that has helped me calm myself when hot flushes come is breathing patterns - breathe in for 5 seconds, breathe out for 10. Have a play around and see what works for you. The best part about breathing exercises is nobody can tell you're even doing them, so they're perfect for class! I also try to sip water if I feel the anxiety coming, and I'll draw swirly patterns in the back of my book. I've also heard chewing gum can be helpful too.

Ask your school councellor or advisor to see if you have any special passes or break times available to you for when you're feeling anxious. My school's welfare system was pretty good, as there were a number of anxious and depressed students in my grade, and we were allowed to leave class and go and work in a specialised staffroom with the welfare teachers, who were trained in dealing with depressed and anxious students. I also recommend applying for special provisions for your HSC and any other exams - you'll need a doctors certificate or a note from your GP or psychologist, but it's worth it; the exams can go for up to 4 hours, and the tension and stress can feel overwhelming - they're put you in a separate room away from the other students, so you can concentrate better, and you'll be able to take breaks whenever you need.

I also try to pretend that I am confident if I am feeling insecure about the people I'm around or the situation I'm in - often enough, it works. Just pretend that you don't care what the lady at the checkout thinks of you, and soon enough, you won't. We're all human, we all get anxious, we all embarrass ourselves at one point - it doesn't make us any less of a fantastic person, which I know you are.

Chin up and stay strong!

Crystal

[SeanM92]

Hey there,

After reading your post it seems you have quite the issue with anxiety and your bodies reaction to it :P. Everyone has little differences and reactions, it's what helps makes us unique. When we get embarrassed about these things sometimes other people can seem like they are being judgmental which only makes it worse, something i found that helped alot of people is when we get embaressed about something or something happens that makes us anxious, own it. when you saw the young man look at you  and smile, you could have just waved and smiled back, its harmless, leaves no reason for retaliation and well, makes light of a stressful situation. for another example, if you fell over and people laugh you could respond with "that part of the ground needed a hug" or as you said, when your leaving the shops, you could tell the cashier to have a lovely day, well that works more in the you get to leave your place of anxiety and bidding them well wishes and fair well ( It may help you cope because people with a positive opinion makes you feel less stressed around them, i know that one from experiance)
Alot of anxiety issues can be helped with how we respond to the issue itself, and the more you put it into action, the easier it gets.
This worked for me through 9 years of school. If you want the ability to talk to someone (as you mentioned when you said you like to pray though your not religious) you could look into seeing your school counselor which can offer many options on how to help, and its good to let him know encase something severe ever happened while in school. You could always see a youth counselor outside of school as well who may be able to work with your school in facilitating your anxiety and helping you cope.

I know you can get past this, just remember, alot of anxiety issues can be helped with how we respond to the issue itself, take the fear out of it and its gone 
I wish you well and if you ever need more help or just a friendly ear, your always welcome here on the forums 
take care.

[shad0wings]

Hey Mikaela!

First of all, you seem like a really sweet, young woman. It sucks that you having been experiencing these kinds of situations without receiving any help. I went through a similar thing, waiting to do my speech at school for an assignment I felt nauseous, hot, short breaths and a lack of concentration. I couldn't even have a conversation with anyone while I was feeling like this. I'm getting that you are experiencing this exact thing. 

As many other people have said in reply to your post, breathing techniques are essential in dealing with hot flushes of anxiety. I recently found this newly-made app by ReachOut called "Breathe" - it measures your heart rate and has a simple breathing exercise. Trust me it is so handy and it definitely works. I've used it multiple times already.

Other than that, see your school counsellor who can help you deal with those kinds of situations. If you are not comfortable with seeing them, try a teacher you trust. Another tactic is to approach your family and stand up for yourself - I know you will experience anxiety while you do this, but use breathing techniques and shout if you have to get their attention. As their daughter/sibling, your health will always be their priority.

Best of Luck! 

~ Taylor

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Mikaela_21,

Thanks for reaching out to us! I’m sorry that you are going through some anxiety at the moment and I really want to be able to help.  

Does your school have a counsellor there?  Sometimes talking to someone can help a lot and they can give you lots of tips and ideas; like deep breathing, meditating or apps (like the ReachOut Breathe).  They also might be able to work with your teachers to help create a bit of an action plan for when you start to feel a bit anxious; maybe you could step out of the room and take a few big deep breaths, or go sit down somewhere calm for a while so that it doesn’t get so bad.  

It’s important to remember that there’s nothing stopping you from being that ‘confident amazing datable girl’.  Just because you feel anxious now doesn’t mean that that won’t be you someday.  You are already amazing, and even confident people suffer from anxiety too – mostly they just learn how to manage it better.  

Next time you are feeling a bit anxious, try and imagine what you would do if you were this ‘confident girl’.  What’s the worst that can happen?  I know that that’s a scary thought but it’s often imagining the worst that makes our anxiety too hard to bear.  If the worst that can happen is people look at you then you’ve already had that done already – so you know what it’s like.  People won’t look forever; just think if you saw someone who went red in the face – what would you think about them?  

You can definitely get on top of this.  You are already on the right track by messaging us and just take it one little moment at a time.  

Good luck 🙂