am i a sociopath?

[bootleg_rascal]

so....

i'm a seventeen year old girl in year 12, and i can't help but feel there is something wrong with me mentally.

i am prone to really random outbursts of anger and helplessness, and i take my anger out on anyone i can. i often crave the attention of specific people, and if i don't have their full attention, i get inwardly angry and passive-aggressive. people at school have called me a sociopath because they think that i'm unable to show any signs of empathy but i don't think that is true, i just choose not to display the empathy that i feel. i can easily 'switch off' my emotions when i feel vulnerable and do that regularly so i just feel nothing. i hate feeling vulnerable, i hate feeling out of control and sometimes try to control the people around me. i hate commitment and i don't trust anyone at all, not even my parents or closest friends. if people compliment me, i am suspicious. as soon as i trust anyone, i push them as far away as possible- be it ghosting them online, avoiding them physically, etc. i DO NOT enjoy being touched when i'm not expecting it or from people i'm overly suspicious of, and i brace up when i get hugged. i especially hate my legs, neck and face being touched, and often hit or punch people out of reflex.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Love your name! Ok, my very first impression is that you have one big thing going for you- insight. Insight is invaluable as it sets you apart from others that have their own internal challenges but don't realise it- in fact some go all their lives without realizing their own misgivings.

Many people, even those without mental illness seek counseling during their lives for relationship breakdown and workplace stress for example. So seeking help here and professional help be is therapy or school social worker/counselor would really benefit you.

Young people are often inexperienced and they tend to place a "tag" on others. This gives them the higher ground, judgements or sorts, that is cruel. They will tag you a sociopath but their own behavior towards you does nothing to reach out to understand which is quite a contradiction don't you think?

You can google "traits of a sociopath" and read down the list. Sociopath is a word that assume pathological characteristics. You could have social anxiety that hides your true self among others...that sounds better than sociopath doesn't it? Most people have social anxiety growing up. They have more of a need to be accepted and liked. Teenagers tend to group together in a gang mentality.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-gang-mentality

Not everyone is suited to a gang mentality but when they are in a group it seems they all like it. Get them alone and its a totally different story, they are mostly likable people.

I do think, based on my own experiences, that you would benefit from anger management course or counseling. Seek out your doctor to address this. Have you mentioned this to your parents? Is there someone you trust you can talk to?

We also have a thread here called "do you like yourself". so there is where you can chat.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/do-you-like-yourself-your-thoughts-are-welcome#qk6JXnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Many young adults will read this thread and thankyou for posting it. It will help them.

TonyWK

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Bootleg_rascal,

Welcome to Beyond Blue, and well done for reaching out.

I would like to start by saying that I am by no means a professional, so there will be no diagnosis coming from me. However, I would like to suggest that if you are concerned, then perhaps some counseling may help? Is there something that has happened at some time which may have triggered your feelings of mistrust, and the discomfort of being touched when you're not expecting it? These are perhaps just some things to consider.

The other thing is that you are still quite young which means you are still going through so many changes. Your mind and your body will continue to grow and form for some time yet.

As for body image; we humans (and probably especially us women) tend to be our own worst critics. Our friends would never 'judge' us as harshly as we tend to judge ourselves. Human beings come in all manner of shapes sizes and colours too, but we all have that one thing in common at one point or another; we all think we're "different because ............"

Some people are just not as outwardly emotional as others, and that's absolutely fine. Whatever the case may be, remember this; you are the only one in this world who is qualified to be YOU!

Anyway, I don't know if that helps or not. I hope it does help at least a little. And remember, you can come back here to Beyond Blue to share with us any time you like. Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo