21 years old, never worked, finished highschool, dropped out of online course

[AngelWhite123]

Well I’m pathetic. 21 years old, haven’t done anything since highschool besides get my drivers license. Due to what I could only imagine is trauma from my past as a kid (im trans and was bullied a lot because of it) and a mixture of anxiety and depression (I’ve never been diagnosed) I’ve basically hidden away from the world, both terrified to join it yet desperate to be part of it.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it. I think so often about maybe I should just find an easy way out, to take the burden off my parents, to finally do something right.

I don’t know what kind of help, but I definitely need it.

[Sophie_M]

Hey AngelWhite123,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums,

We can hear that you feel really low at the moment and maybe are feeling quite negative towards yourself. We acknowledge how painful and demotivating that can be. From your post we can hear that you've achieved quite a bit, you've finished high school, been able to get your license, and had the courage to begin an online course. It also sounds like you've been through quite a bit, discovering your identity and recognising your experiences of anxiety and depression. 

Is there something you feel you should have achieved? Please know there is a lot of pressure placed on people your age but there is still so much time to learn about yourself and what makes you happy. 

We would recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 
It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided.

Headspace is another organisation we would recommend, they are specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/

Our support service is also trying to contact your privately. 

Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you
 

[Croix]

Dear AngelWhite123~

I'd like to welcome you here and also say I'm glad you have already met Sophie_M, who gives excellent advice - I particularly agree about the Kids Help Line

I did notice one thing about your post, you said "hidden away from the world, both terrified to join it yet desperate to be part of it. "

Really speaking that is both understandable due to the bullying - which leaves deep scars you may not even realize - and also good.

Yes I did say good. Good because you want to be part of the world, which is healthy and hopeful. You most certainly deserve to be part of it -and have a good life (even if you find that hard to believe at the moment.)

Good also becuse it is fear holding you back. Fear can be useful , if a sabre tooth tiger comes in your cave you head for the hills. It can also be a right nuisance -a rabbit frozen in headlights before the driver dips the lights and it hops away.

However fear can be overcome. No, not easy, partly becuse you don't know what to do, and partly becuse it may be too big a job for just one person. Still overcoming fear is why there were saber tooth hearth rugs.

I've felt it, it made me hide depression, anxiety and suicidality for a long time. Eventually I sought medical help and am now a different person.

So may I suggest your first step towards a fuller happier life is to go to a GP, and in an extended consultation explain how your life has been -then see what happens.It may well lead to treatment, as it did for me.

If the idea of a face to face talk is too much do what many do and write it all down first -then share the paper. It's a good way of doing things as you have plenty of time to get things set down right and the doctor has a complete list to work form.

Which reminds me, please do not make my mistake and leave things out. If you have been thinking of taking your life just say so, nothing terrible will happen. I left things too long and was harder to treat as a result.

I'd like to talk with you some more, in the meantime please think of the things in life you enjoy, make a list. Anything, from cake to racing cars, musical groups to reading books, whatever, no matter how small or big.

I look forward to hearing from you again

Croix

.

[NoPlateZone]

Hello AngelWHite123,

I saw your post on the forums and I wanted to give you some words that I was given at your age. Not that long ago, mind you haha. The way you're feeling is normal, it's hard to feel accomplished when you don't see the things you have already accomplished! Something someone once told me is that I need to look at what I've accomplished for my life not what I've accomplished compared to my fantasy. I believe you have accomplished a lot. You have completed high school, you got your drivers licence, you got through bullying, you've found your identity and you have lived for 2 decades! It's hard to stay in a course during this pandemic, let alone without it and not completing one is fine! I haven't completed many and same with my brother (around 3 uni degrees!), it's normal and you can always go back. If you don't know what you wanna do with your life, changing directions is a given 🙂

No one our age knows what their doing. I'm pretty sure no one really does and just stumbles through it hoping to find the next step. I still don't know what I'm doing with my life and I have no way of knowing where it's going either. It's scary, for sure! But as you say, you're desperate to live it because it's your life!

Taking the easy way out will never solve what you're thinking it will. It will only cause pain for the people who you love. I recommend if you need someone to talk to about your feelings tonight, definitely talk to someone through Kids Helpline, they take calls for people until age 25, or just tell someone you trust that's how you're feeling. I know I always feel like I'll just cause more worry for my mum if I ever tell her about my issues but she always makes the time to listen. So I trust her. If you have someone like that, it will help to open up.

The advice given by the other two people is completely valid and totally recommended!

If you feel uneasy about taking steps, if you have a GP or just a doctor you see sometimes, talk to them about it and they will help you. It can be intimidating asking for help but sometimes it's necessary and I believe that's the case for you.