Hi Slackdog,
I feel your feelings of emptiness, confusion and loneliness through your words. It also sounds as though motivation is a struggle too. It sounds like things are very difficult for you right now...
I feel it’s really tricky when there’s a part of you that craves closeness (or else you wouldn’t feel lonely), but there’s another part of you that wants distance (e.g. your tendency to push people away). I think those conflicting feelings/needs can be very confusing and unsettling...
I think sometimes when a person is struggling with mental health issues that they sometimes push away the very thing (or people) that they need. But I feel this is not your “fault.” I think that’s just sometimes the course/nature of mental health issues and mental illness...
I understand that it might be confusing or frustrating that you have the tools to help yourself, but struggle to find the will (as you said). But again, I think that can also be part of mental health issues as it can really affect things like our motivation...
I think it’s because living with mental illness can take so much out of a person that sometimes it leaves little energy/motivation for other things. The irony is it’s often the things that we aren’t motivated to do are the very things that might be helpful in the long run...
So I think, and through no fault of your own, that’s what makes mental health issues so insidious and many of us can get stuck in these cycles...I really feel for you and hope maybe if you keep those things in mind, perhaps it will comfort you a little...
You can see if you like my little idea or not. But purely as a suggestion, I wonder if you might like to think of one thing that you think might help yourself e.g. see your GP or go for more walks or organise a weekly family night, etc. It doesn’t have to necessarily be those things as they’re just examples...
It’s just that sometimes I feel if we try to use too many tools too quickly (e.g. wanting to change many things in our lives, do this and that), it can be a little overwhelming. So I suppose I’m suggesting tackling a big issue in small pieces/chunks...
Good on you for reaching out. No pressure but if you feel like talking some more, it would be lovely to hear how things go...
Kindness and care,
Pepper
