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Not Wanted

TheConfusedGoldfish
Community Member
I just felt like posting this here cause I just want to get this out. This last month has been the one of the worst in my life. Firstly when I thought that my life was going in the right direction I started dating for the the first time in a decade. But after got friend zoned after the second date. Then after that I got told I wasn’t successful for more jobs that I can count and no matter how I answer the selection criteria. Then on top I was clean from drugs for 8 years but relapsed from all the stress and got reckless to the point I had I pregnancy scare. I feel guilty all of this. It makes me feel not wanted. I hate myself.
9 Replies 9

PLA
Community Member
I'm so so sorry you are going through all of this. That is a lot to go through in such a short time and it must be so hard to process. I just thought I'd reply and say that I believe in you and I'm proud of you!

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi TheConfusedGoldfish,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry all of this has happened and that you feel the way you are feeling.

I believe that the things that are meant for you won’t pass you by.

Maybe the person you dated wasn’t the right person for you and the jobs you applied for weren’t the jobs for you.

Don’t give up because the right one for you could be just around the corner.

Im sorry you had a relapse but please remember that this doesn’t define who you are as a person.

Stand up tall and keep soldering on…….

You are wanted and loved more than you would ever know.

Banksy92
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi TheConfusedGoldfish,

I'm really sorry to hear you're dealing with so many challenges right now, I can sense you're hurting a lot and that is understandable.

Firstly, I just want to say 8 years sober is something to be extremely proud of, and while you may have had a slip up, remember that recovery is not linear and you have proven to yourself before you are strong enough to get back to where you want to be so you can do it again. Every time we fall we get stronger - and you are incredibly strong for all you have faced and achieved so far.

If you are comfortable sharing, could I ask if you have family or some close friends in your life for support right now?

That Other Guy
Community Member

I know what it's like to have an inner voice telling you that you're not good enough. But that voice is a liar. First of all, eight years sober is a hell of an achievement, and one mistake doesn't mean you've failed, it's just a bump in the road. Don't let it defeat you.

Second, the person you liked wanted to be your friend. Friends are also precious, can you perhaps navigate your feelings to accept that friendship and support?

There's no need to feel guilty, life is hard and we all have struggles. Be kind to yourself. It's up to you if you feel like dating. I dated for six months of last year, and I didn't have any terrible experiences, I mostly made friends, but I certainly found you need to push yourself out there and accept you will meet a number of people who aren't right for you before you meet someone who is. Then I randomly met someone I was insanely compatible with. I am a very strange person, if that can happen to me, it can happen to you.....

No matter what, you matter. You are wanted. You were 'friendzoned', that means someone likes you and wants to be your friend.

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

hi and welcome.

that sounds like a lot to go through in a short period of time and the feelings you expressed seem normal.

If I might be able to pose an alternate possibility on being friend zoned ... I wonder if it is possible the other person was not ready for any sort of relationship? It can easy to point the finger at ourselves?

anyway, I just want you to know I am listening if you want to chat some more.

I have my dad and one good friend that I trust. Trust doesn't come easy to me.

It's unclear how old you are, I was guessing 20s? But if you're close to your dad, that's pretty awesome. If you can tell him the things you've told us, that's a pretty special relationship. You don't need a LOT of friends, trust me, I'm 53 and I've NEVER had a lot of friends. You just need some good friends. You've obviously had a rough run. Just remind yourself that people love you, spend time with those people, and let yourself heal.

I'm glad to hear you've got a few people around you, I understand about the difficulties in trusting others. I am similar. Have you been able to chat with either your friend or dad about how you're feeling lately?