Newbie at large

Angela25 · ‎14-10-2019

I am very new to post on a forum. I haven’t done it before. For the first time in my life I am struggling with really bad anxiety and depression. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer. Had an operation to remove it and everything was looking good. Then in March my Lymph nodes popped up and I’ve been under diagnostic tests since then to see if I have Lymphoma. One specialist says yes and one says no! With my first cancer diagnosis they said no initially as well. Then it turn out to be cancer. The stress is literally changing who I am as a person. I no longer find joy in all the things I used to, reading, sewing, playing computer games, writing. I feel so scared and drained of energy all the time. I’ve seen my GP and we have some medication in the works and I start one on one counselling in a couple of days. But I just want to wake up and be me again.

SammyB · ‎15-10-2019

Hi Angela25, sending you a warm welcome. Reaching out on the forums can be quite daunting at first but I assure you it’s a safe and non-judgemental space to work through your current situation. I sense that your experience with cancer has left you on an emotional roller-coaster, especially since different specialists have come to different conclusions regarding your diagnosis.

I can understand how this level of stress has left you feeling like a different person, as stress can be very debilitating in a number of ways and have a large impact on your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. When you say that you feel like you have lost interest in many things that once brought you joy – this is a very common experience which many of us who’ve experienced a mental health issue can relate to. Maybe writing here can help you offload your thoughts and feelings and can be a place of support in between your counselling appointments? I’m sorry that you’re feeling so scared and overwhelmed at the moment, but we hear you and will be around to help you through this.

Sammy

Angela25 · ‎15-10-2019

SammyB said:Hi Angela25, sending you a warm welcome. Reaching out on the forums can be quite daunting at first but I assure you it’s a safe and non-judgemental space to work through your current situation. I sense that your experience with cancer has left you on an emotional roller-coaster, especially since different specialists have come to different conclusions regarding your diagnosis.

I can understand how this level of stress has left you feeling like a different person, as stress can be very debilitating in a number of ways and have a large impact on your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. When you say that you feel like you have lost interest in many things that once brought you joy – this is a very common experience which many of us who’ve experienced a mental health issue can relate to. Maybe writing here can help you offload your thoughts and feelings and can be a place of support in between your counselling appointments? I’m sorry that you’re feeling so scared and overwhelmed at the moment, but we hear you and will be around to help you through this.

Sammy

Thank you for your reply Sammy. I am very socially isolated at the moment, so some validation as feedback is great. Unfortunately, I am not having such a great day today and really feel at the end of my coping ability.

SammyB · ‎15-10-2019

Sorry to hear that you're not having the greatest day today Angela. What have you been doing so far to cope with these low moments?

Sammy

Angela25 · ‎16-10-2019

Mostly I spent the day in bed. I just felt so awful. I did spend some time with my husband out in the sun, while he was digging the garden beds. That probably took about an hour. It did feel nice to be out in the sun. But underlying that feeling was this heavy black cloud that I just couldn't seem to relieve myself from. I didn't sleep all the time, but I did have my eyes closed and kept my mind blank, although I could feel my heart racing and the anxiety pressing on my chest. I think I can honestly say, its my worst day yet. I have a couple of appointments today, one is with my GP, so hopefully she and I can come up with a plan.

Alana_H · ‎16-10-2019

Hi Angela,

Welcome to the forums! I'm really sorry you are going through this stress again, especially after you've already got through so much. I think that its perfectly reasonable to have some negative feelings around the new potential diagnosis, especially when you are stuck in limbo.

Going to the GP and a counsellor is definitely a wise move, together they should be able to give you some strategies that can help you manage that black cloud. Sometimes with illness and stress lasting for so long our body can go into a heightened state (anxiety), which can lead to this exhaustion (depression). It sounds like you have some good things in place, i.e. being in your garden. But I wonder if you have tried mindfulness before? Mindfulness is about training you brain to let negative and anxious thoughts pass, instead of getting stuck in ruminating on them. It can give our brains and body a rest and also give you greater power to calm your mind and control what you want to think about. It might be something you can start while waiting for your counselling session. There is an App you can download called Smiling Minds https://www.smilingmind.com.au/ that can teach you how to do it.

I hope your appointment with the GP went well today and feel free to pop back in here to let us know how you're going.

Alana_H

Angela25 · ‎16-10-2019

Thank you Alana. My GP started me on antidepressants and I have my first one on one counselling session on Friday. I have heard of mindfulness but I must admit I have not really looked into it. I will check out your link though. I have tried listening to “relaxing” music when I am feeling particularly anxious. It’s interesting that you say that about the long term effects of stress as the councillor at the Cancer Council said the same thing to me. I am willing to give everything a go because I really hate the way I’m feeling like such a burden to my family and friends, who are all being very supportive to me right now, even though most of them live far away from me. Thank you for your post, I found it it very useful.

Alana_H · ‎23-10-2019

Hi Angela,

Checking in on how your first counselling session went? And also if you have given mindfulness a go? I think that you are taking really proactive steps to make the changes you want and that thats great! There will definitely be good days and bad days but keep working for how you want your life to be in the future. Sometimes I think about the things I want for myself in the future and work backwards from there to make little goals. Like a basic one is I want to be able to run 5k, so I'm trying to job for 30 seconds on my walk and extend that. I know this is a basic example but I do find it helpful.

Anyway feel free to let us know how you are:)

Alana_H

Angela25 · ‎23-10-2019

My counselling session went great unfortunately I have to wait 1month to see her again, but after that it’s fortnightly. I feel since I’ve been taking the antidepressants worse. All I want to do is lay in bed all day, but I can’t sleep. My GP did say if I was struggling to come back before my next appt. which is in 1month and she would review what is happening. Do I count this as struggling I haven’t been on the antidepressants quite a week yet, but I feel really so despondent and not sure how much more I can take. Worried Ange