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Sammyliz
Community Member

Hi, I am 47 and just feel numb like I’m standing still and life is going on around me. My childhood wasn’t great I haven’t had contact with my mother since I left home at 15. Since then I have always lived my life by if anyone does me wrong I just walk away cut them out completely. I met my husband when I was 18 got married and started a family I was determined to create a life and family I had always dreamt of. I had 3 amazing kids and a great husband don’t get me wrong life was tuff financially and raising 3 kids but I felt my life was complete the in 2013 I found my husband whilst working overseas had been cheating for over 2 years was living a completely other life. That moment my world opened up right under my feet and I was completely gutted I was treading water with life I always imagined that if that happened to me I would leave but at that time I couldn’t cope with anything let alone starting life again we went to marriage counseling. Anyway 6 months into that when I was trying to find my feet we were told my 20 yr old son had a brain tumour the marriage was put on the back burning and now I had to find the strength to get through this with my son. In October 2014 we were told they could do no more and my son passed away in December I thought what was going in my marriage was the worst thing but No this was my worst nightmare. So today 6 yrs after my world came crashing down and 4 yrs after my son passed away I find my self wondering why I am here wondering how I am suppose to be happy or what would even make me happy I have withdrawn myself from the outside world completely I very really leave the house or see anyone. I just don’t want to live like this but my anxiety is so great I can’t change it.i often wonder why life would deal me 2 terrible things at once

4 Replies 4

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Sammyliz, my heart goes out to you for the loss of your son, please accept my sincere condolences, as this must be so difficult for you to even think about coping with.

Before this tragedy you found out that your husband has cheated on you while he was overseas, doesn't matter how good he is, the trust has been broken and the accumulation of these major events is causing social anxiety, although I can't diagnose you as I'm not qualified, only a professional can do this, however, if the same has happened to us then we can mention it.

When we withdraw from social life, even being able to leave the house, this is the exact opposite of what we need to do, unfortunately, we already know this, but going to see your doctor might be a good reason for you to leave the house.

Your doctor can give you a 'mental health care plan', which will entitle you to ten Medicare paid sessions,

I'm just sending this off to make contact with you and please accept my heartfelt sympathies on the loss of your son.

Take care.

Geoff.

Sammyliz
Community Member
Thanks Geoff, I have done the counceling and seen a Psychologist for a number of months in the past, I just can't get past that no matter what I do or who I talk to it's not going to bring my son back and I cant deal with that.

Birdy77
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Dear Sammyliz,

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious son.

Life has dealt you a terrible hand and it feels incredibly unfair.

I can't even imagine how difficult it all was especially with the one person you thought would be there for you and with you through heartache and pain, had broken your trust and was not the person you thought he was.

I can understand why you would want to retreat from the world and it's harsh treatment. Reaching out here is a small step towards the outside world though and I'm glad you've come here.

You mentioned you had 3 kids, do you have a good relationship with your other children? I am hoping that they are a support and source of love and care for you.

I just want you to know that you are not alone in this world, and i hope you can feel supported and encouraged here at beyondblue.

We care about you.

🌻birdy

Dannybaar
Community Member
Hi Sammy
First of all my deepest condolence for your loss.
It must be real tough for you.
This is am awesome group, keep in touch with the members
I am new to this group but your situation has shaken me up a bit. I have 2 kids of my own.
Only thing I can say is hang in there. Counselling is good it helps to release the deepest emotion.
I am so sorry for your loss. This much I can say you are in good hands I.e beyondblue.
D