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New. Husband has chronic pain.

Community Member

Hi everyone. New to posting a thread here. It's abit nervewrecking to admit. Like a can of worms you don't want to open.

Im a mum of 2 (8 & 11). They're old enough to pick up when things aren't right. You can't pretend to them that things are ok. They know you're lying and so they ask you more questions. They're behaviours change when things at home aren't right.

My defacto husband has a back pain and other health conditions. I've fully supported him for over 10 years now. It's been a long time that my life has revolved around how he is going.

We moved to a rural property. It's off grid so we don't have alot of financial burden. But it is a lifestyle that has its own challenges. Many might think we're lucky. Yes, but it is very isolating.

I guess I'm just recognising that life isn't going how I thought it would be. I feel like a whinging ungrateful b**ch but for a long time I've been on a slow downward spiral. Most days I can't connect with my husband.

I don't know how to enjoy my life anymore. I can't seem to think straight anymore. I just keep pushing my feelings aside and getting on with getting through each day.

Is anyone else here a carer or a supportive partner to someone who has chronic pain?

I have seen a psychologist before. But I didn't feel like it really helped. I feel so alone and that no one really understands what I'm dealing with.

Thanks for listening.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Whereistherainbow,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being with us. For what it's worth, I'm glad that you were able to open that can of worms here.

I think what you're feeling makes total sense and I don't think you're alone in that. Being a carer (whether it's for chronic pain or mental health issues) forces you to create and shift your own identity. Where you were once so independent, now you have someone relying on you. Where there was once this balance of needs/wants, now it's imbalanced. It's not fair, for either of you, and I want you to have full permission to grieve or be angry or feel whatever you need to feel.

One resource that I want to recommend is Carers Australia. They have a forum specific to those who are caring for someone - https://carersaustralia.saneforums.org/t5/Carers-Forum/ct-p/carers-forum

I did a quick search on there for chronic pain and had a few threads pop up, so hopefully it can be a bit of an extra resource to let you know that you're not alone.

Hope this helps,