My mum is dying of cancer and Im so angry

[Red_m]

My mum (50) was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer out of nowhere 2 months ago.we were told 4-6m.shes been so strong and being her oldest child I have tried so hard to keep it together for her and my own family.i can't process any feelings going on. I've done the denial part and now that I understand our new reality I'm just so angry all the time with little to no triggers and not myself at all. I can't seem to talk to anyone about it cause I don't know what to say.but now that my reaction to knowing she will pass soon is affecting my own family I have booked a docs appt. My gut turns st the thought of her not being here. Then I feel bad knowing so many people have it worse and I should be grateful she's still here

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, Red.m, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We are so sorry to hear about your mums cancer diagnosis and the impact that it is having on you and your family. We are sorry that you are struggling with these difficult feelings. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
 
If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. You might also find some helpful information on the Cancer Council website that also offers counselling support.
 
We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
 

[geoff]

Hello Red.m, can I offer my deepest and sincere thoughts for your mum, as well as you and the family knowing of this shocking news.

Being the oldest puts a great deal of pressure on you, I am really so sorry, because you may have to tell or explain what is actually happening to those younger than you in a way that not only you can cope with, but for them to understand, a very sad and difficult task, where other members of the family may show some anger in shock, that's totally understandable.

We support you, the family and definitely your mum who may have questions all or any of you may want to ask and we certainly hope this does happen, not that our answers are knowledgable or not, we know that you certainly need our help and also those qualified.

How devastated you must feel but please come back to us.

My best.

Geoff.

[Matchy69]

Hi Red.m I am sorry for what you are going through with having a parent with cancer.I know what you are going through as I have lost both my parents to cancer and know how hard watching loved ones deteriate like that.My dad had lung cancer and my mum had ovarian cancer
The emotions you are experiencing are normal and I do understand about feeling angry.I have regrets now that I didn't spend more quality time with them and so many questions I wanted to ask them.I was angry and depressed and just locked myself inside for most of the time.Christmas is a sad time of the year for me as I lost mum Christmas day 7 years ago.
I just wanted you to know you are not alone for what you are going through and I am here if you need to talk.
Take care,
Mark.

[demonblaster]

Hi Red.m and everyone ☺

Good on you coming here where as you'd be seeing there's a great community of kind caring people helping eachother with support which is a tremendous help for getting through such terribly sad hard times.

I don't know if you're a hugger but if so take as many virtual ones here 🤗 as you'd like and feel strength in the energy you can draw from them.

Your dear Mum what a roar deal she and you all are going through and at such a young age.
Please extend my care and sorrow to her and your family including yourself.

Darl I learnt yrs ago that when we hear of a loved one which your dear Mum sounds so lovely or else so many wouldn't be hurting so much that we start grieving at that time.

Anger is one of a few stages that people may/not experience. It's not a good feeling is it hun but the stress is so high and this is so hard to fathom it needs to come out so the pain and I'd imagine you're not sleeping as well as you could adds to the already next level of stress.

Darl I think you're a very good older sibling to be trying to keep it together for everyone that'd be so hard on top of what you're going through.
I wonder if you're able to speak openly with your Mum and families telling them and an opening to all share your pain and to help support eachother.
Hard to do but could be of great comfort to eachother.
Holding in pain builds and creates more.

Please feel free at anytime to talk here because there's many people that understand and writing can be a great coping tool.

Hope to see you again here ⚘
The very best wishes sent to you all.

Your dear Mum by the sounds has a lot of love around her which is very powerful and consoling.

💗

[Kalgal]

Hi. I lost my mum to cancer 6 years ago and I REMEMBER THE ANGER. You just want to scream at something, but it's cancer and you can't punch it or scream at it. Yes, people are doing it tough, but this is your Mum and your family, so it's okay to be totally focused on them and yourself. I have no magic words to help you, but just tell her or even ask her things why you can. My Mum also died close to Xmas and whilst I let the family still celebrate Xmas, I chose not too, and just stayed at home. You do what is right for you, not what others tell you to do. All I can say is bless your mum and to you, one day at a time.

[Earthlyme]

I'm so sorry your going through this sad time, I know how you feel. My mom just got diagnosed with cancer, it's terminal 2 months ago and I'm so devistated n lost. I can't imagine my life without my Mumma in it, we took her home 3 weeks ago and she went down hill about a week ago so mum is in palliative care now, she just done 4 days straight of radiation therapy and it's hit her hard, I don't want to leave her but I know I have to stay strong in my health to be strong for her. She's so amazing and is allways worried about us, it breaks my heart into a zillion pieces. We just have to give her comfort,love and peace as much as we can. It's hard sometimes I just want to cry all the time, my heart breaks but no matter what I know one day soon she won't be hear so I'm just enjoying everyday and every moment with my precious Mumma. Please reply anytime you like. I'm allways here for you to listen and understand your sorrows n pain. I'm sorry about your Mumma. I'll pray for both our Mummas. Take care xo 🙏🏻♥️🕊️🌸💜🌻♥️

[mmMekitty]

Hello Earthlyme,

I'm so glad you have found the BB forums, & this particular thread, which yo, sadly, can relate to so closely.

It's so 'not right' to have your mom be diagnosed & now in palliative care, & whenever it is, it will be too soon to lose her.

Your heart feels like it's in a million pieces, but it will heal, & be where you will find your mom still lives.

I think cherishing the time you have with your mom is the most precious, & the best thing for both you & your mom. Talk, say everything you both need to say to each other. These words are very important. & if you cry, or if she does, allow that to happen. These tears are another way of saying how much you love each other.

My warmest, kindest thoughts to you & your mom,

❤️❤️❤️❤️,

mmMekitty

[Mark Z.]

Hi Red.m

Welcome to the forum.

I can tell that it's an extremely hard period for you, I'm so sorry. I pray that a miracle will happen.

I want to say that it's totally normal for you to have such reaction. We're all human, who wouldn't be heartbroken when facing with such a misfortune? You will be strong but you need to give yourself some time.

When you say you can't talk to anyone, it's a good decision to express your emotion here. We hear you.

It's also very right to see your doctor for your own mental health and your family.

I know it's extremely hard but I wish you will be able to gradually find some inner peace and spend as much as possible quality time with your mum. I believe you will not regret it.

Warmly,

Mark