Moved to a new town and really alone

[Hanna3]

Hi, I'm in my early 60s and not well off, I recently made a big move to an inland town from the coast and am finding it cliquey and really hard to get to know anyone. I live alone with my dog who has separation anxiety so it is hard to leave him alone at home for long, which limits what I can do. I am really homesick for the easy-going lifestyle near the sea but thought a cooler climate would suit me better as I don't cope with heat well, but it's been really hot here and bad drought. I didn't expect such heat but everyone tells me it's got worse in the last couple of years and I don't have aircon, so am stuck inside the house alone a lot. I am in public housing so it's an old fibro place with no insulation.

I have friends who live a long way away but as soon as I mention to them I am feeling lonely they don't want to talk and I feel very let down, as one of them had a lot of family problems and I always let her talk a long time and tried to give her some support, now I need it there is none back. I've tried joining things like a choir and a book club but only met once before they finished for the Christmas/New Year and don't go back until February. Due to the dog's anxiety I try not to leave him alone during the day, we walk in the park a lot but you don't run into the same people often - this town is quite big, where I lived before was very small and you had a lot of acquaintances as you kept running into the same people.

Anyway I feel like I've made a huge mistake, I thought there would be more for me to do here than where I lived before but in fact it's worse, I have no family, and no friends to talk to. Hoping there is some support here as I feel lonely enough to curl up on the floor - I don't have the money to move back and anyway the wait for Housing would be years. Feel like I've made a huge mess of my life and my poor little dog seems depressed and lonely too. Thanks for any support.

[Birdy77]

Dear Hanna3,

You have come to the right place - there are many kind people here who understand the depths of loneliness, and i hope you find this a friendly and supportive place.

I can inderstand that feeling of "oh no, i think I've made a huge mistake". I've thought that myself more than ince since i made a move to a new area. I do have my partner with me, so it's a bit different to being on your own completely like you are, but i do understand, believe me.

I actually curled up on the floor yesterday for a few minutes, and it was quite comforting. Especially when my two dogs came and curled up against me. It's ok to curl up when you need to. Allow yourself.

It's really good to hear that you've gone and joined the book club and the choir - bad time of year though to start with things closing for the holidays.

Are you interested in doing some voluntary work or something like that? Over the Christmas break there might be elderly folk who have nobody to visit them ... if there is a Neighbourhood Centre in your town, they often have groups that regularaly gather, and also volunteering opportunities.

I just wanted to say hello and welcome you.

You can join in on any discussions that take your interest.

Thanks for being here.

🌻birdy

[Hanna3]

Thanks Birdy my trouble is the extreme heat we are experiencing here and my elderly dog who isn't coping and also has severe separation anxiety - I don't have air conditioning and my fibro home gets like an oven - we are getting temperatures around 40 degrees for days on end and I don't dare leave him alone as he gets very sick from the heat and I have to keep spraying him down. He's happy in the car but in these temperatures I can't take him with me. I would go to the neighbourhood centre about volunteering but I can't go there during the day and leave my dog - and with volunteering I'd have to take my little dog too, or leave him alone at home which I can't do.

It's ironic that my beloved dog is my only companion but also means it's very difficult for me to get to things other than things on at night when it's cooled down.

I also feel like I'm not in a good space for volunteering at the moment I am so down myself I don't feel like I'd be much use. Also I'd need a police check which would take time and I think money and it's almost Christmas. So almost everything in this town is closing down for the Christmas and school holidays.

[Birdy77]

Hello Hanna,

Wowee, that is hot. It must be very trying, having it like that day after day.

I understand about needing to stay home with your beloved doggy. I would be doing the same, spraying him down and trying to keep him a bit comfortable. Do you have a pedastal fan? Last summer i needed to keep one of my hens in the laundry for a while because she was sick, and it was so darn hot. I put a bowl of ice cubes in front of the pedastal fan and it seemed to cool the air down for her, don't know if you've tried that before, your doggy might like it.

This time of year can be very difficult - I hope, though, that you can maybe try to just float through this time of holidays and whatnot, and know that this period will pass in a few weeks, and things will hopefully get easier?

Do you have hobbies or things you like to do that you could do at home during this time (hopefully in front of the fan)? I had a goal to read 50 books this year, and I'm only up to 47, so I'm going to try squeezing in the last 3 before Dec 31. Do you like reading?

I understand, you feel too low yourself, to feel like volunteering. I get it. I don't think the police checks will cost you any money. When/if you feel up to it, i know that some nursing homes will allow you to take a gentle dog to visit lonely residents, like pet therapy ... so that could be something you could think about for later maybe?

It must feel frustrating having left the coast because of the heat, and now it's like an oven out there in your new town. I recently made a face pillow out of a scrap of fabric and filled it with rice - i keep it in the freezer and when it's really hot, it's nice to lay down and put the cool, weighted pillow on my eyes or forehead and it cools down your whole body.

I am jabbering on with fluffy content right now, i guess i just hope you feel some friendliness and support here. Even if I have only given you tips for keeping yourself and your doggy (and any passing hens) cool.

Be good to yourself. A pat for your furry friend from me. I hope you can both keep a little bit cool today.

Feel free to join in on any discusions you like, and there is a Social Zone if you feel like just chatting with others.

🌻birdy

[Hanna3]

Thanks so much Birdy you are being very kind messaging me. I just met an acquaintance I met at church for a coffee and she seems a friendly lady, although busy with three children (divorced) and younger than me it was nice to chat to someone for a while. Then when I get home alone again I feel lonely! I also have to worry about poor Sam my dog being in the carpark (underground with water and car windows down but still it's not great).

Yes like you I am a great reader and have a pile of books from the local library here which is very good. What sort do you like? Have you read anything really good lately I'm always up for recommendations! I also enjoy really good movies so have borrowed some DVDs to get me through the holiday season!

Yes I realize this will be a quiet couple of months and we have a dreadful heatwave coming this way, by mid next week I think we will be over 40 degrees and this fibro house heats up like an oven, so I will have to stay in and care for my dog as he suffers badly from heat. If I didn't have him I could ride out the heat by spending a couple of hours in the library reading or shopping centre café (aircon both places) but I with heat like we are going to have he is going to need careful watching - he's not young and was very sick just before we moved here and I adore him.

I'm still working out how to navigate this site - what is your situation Birdie? And yes I'd love Sam to be a therapy dog in a retirement home/aged care facility, I think they have to pass some tests for that but again that's off until into next year now.

I joined a local church and went the last week to the small Saturday evening service as I figured a new person is more noticeable in a small group, they were very welcoming but I think all have their own circle of friends, but at least it is at night when I can take Sam in the car safely, and it helps just to be with people for a while. I'm not hugely religious but the peace is nice and it gets me with people for an hour.

I guess it's just a difficult time of year - by end February we should be headed fairly quickly into cooler weather people tell me, so I guess it's just ride it out as best we can until then. Thanks so much for your support!

[Forever_Hopeful]

Hi Hanna 🙂 Getting online and reaching out for help is a good start. I find talking to people helps me feel less lonely no matter where they are in the world. It's hard starting over in a new place, but sounds like you're giving it a good try! I grew up in a smaller town, I can understand the feeling of being an outsider when everyone else seems to know each other. I work in aged care, you may find that you don't have to have your dog become a therapy dog. If he is well behaved, your local facility may let you bring him in as a volunteer. Old people absolutely love when animals come to visit. The only other thing I would suggest is getting on facebook (if you aren't already) and joining a local community group on there to get a feel of what is going on in your town. You may find more events that offer opportunities to socialise.

[Hanna3]

Thanks Hopeful my little dog absolutely loves people and I would love to take him into an aged care home - I thought they had to be especially qualified. Yes he's well behaved and sweet natured so maybe I'll ask around after Christmas and see if I can take him into an aged care facility around here - that would be so satisfying! And Sam is a bit lonely here so seeing people would cheer up my dog and the old folks.

I've had a look for local meetup groups but they don't seem to happen here. But I'll definitely look into taking Sam to visit lonely old folk after Christmas!

[Birdy77]

Dear Hanna (and hi ForeverHopeful),

I am so pleased to hear you met up with the woman from church. Who knows, that might turn into a friendship. Nice to get out and chatting with another person for a while anyway.

Did you go back last night to the church service? It sounds like a nice, peaceful thung to do that may lead to a friendship or two - & cooler in the evening for Sam.

Yep, i think this holiday/summer period is just something to ride out as best you can, & know that it will pass. So glad you're stocked up with books and dvds! Our local library is very well stocked with movies and tv series now, i think moreso because the last remaining Civic Video hire shop closed down recently, so they've stocked up, catering for those of us who are old-school dvd users! It's great.

Do you use the GoodReads app? I like it to keep track of what I've read, & also to get recommendations. My taste in books is pretty eclectic i would say, I'm not sure how to describe my taste. I recently enjoyed Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman (a very quick and easy read), and another one i can think of that i liked was We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler; Heroes of the Frontier by Dave Eggers; i liked Cedar Valley by Holly Throsby and i am reading Grapes of Wrath at the moment and am going to re-read The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society which i remember enjoying years ago.

What sorts of books do you like?

I watched a pretty good movie the other night called Instant Family, based on a true story about a foster family. I can watch the movie What We Did On Our Holiday over & over, so sweet. Do you have any goodies in your dvd pile? I have the new Lion King to watch.

Yes it can take a bit of time to get used to navigating the forums, but you're doing well, i see you supporting others already, you're fitting right in.

I've been here a couple of years, i find it very supportive with many gentle and compassionate people here. I joined when i was in a pretty low ebb. I seem to go up and down with anxiety & depression. Like you, i moved to a new area not that long ago, & i kind of fell in a bit of a heap once we got here - building myself back up i guess, with hiccups along the way.

I hope you and Sam are keeping cool today, give him a squirt from the spray bottle from me.

🌻birdy

[Hanna3]

Thanks Birdy nice to hear from you! I'm just back from sitting in the park with Sam (shady trees and a bit of a breeze) but now it's heating up. I'm dreading this week we're getting into the 40s with no aircon! I went to a new writing group yesterday at the library (left sam alone for an hour!) - they meet once a month but not sure if it's my thing or not... by the time I got home poor Sam was frantic, I got ready for church and took him to the park, realised it was way too hot to leave him in the car even in shade, and I felt tired so we just strolled around the park and went home - I honestly didn't feel great by then and didn't feel I could cope with an hour in church. I think days of heat and smoke are making us both a bit weary.

Yes the lady I met up with and I got on really well and she recommended a couple of books to me. On called The Erratics (I forget the author a French name) was astonishing, an autobiography about her crazy mother in Canada (the author lives in Sydney) - it won a couple of major awards and I could hardly put it down. I loved the Guernsy book you mentioned. Another lovely writer is Mary Lawson if you can get hold of The Other Side of the Bridge if you like family sagas.

Last night I watched Bohemian Rhapsody (saw it at the movies) just for the music! I like all different types of movies - for light entertainment Chocolat is good, A Few Good Men, Three Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri was amazing but not for the faint-hearted. Anything with Judy Dench and Maggie Smith is always good!

Taking a rest break now in front of the fan I feel quite nauseated after being in heat even though there was a breeze - I think I need to drink more maybe.

I've run into several people who have holidayed where I moved from and they all say how beautiful it is and how they'd love to live there and I'm feeling so homesick I wish they wouldn't say it, it makes me feel worse!

Another fun movie I liked - just light entertainment - was Victoria and Abdul but recommended it to a friend who didn't like it - I enjoyed it.

Sundays are very quiet here everything closes down at 3pm - it's another thing I have to get used to. In a coastal town they catered for the tourists and things stayed open longer this time of year. Interesting that you had some difficulty after moving too.

Hope it's cooler where you are! Cheers!

[Moonstruck]

Nice to meet you Hanna3....wish it was under more pleasant circumstances than the dreadful heat and lead up to Xmas.

I can well sympathise with you wanting to go back to the coastal town. Each year the heat has gotten worse and worse (and I do live by the coast)...this is the first year I decided to "treat" myself with some kind of air conditioning...

our hottest months now seem to be Jan, Feb and even well into March (it's in mid 30s these days, usually doesn't make it to the 40s though, thank God)....it's unbearable and I feel quite ill....just terrible. Not a dry heat....our humidity becomes severe, being close to the coast.

Could you afford perhaps a portable type of air conditioning? I don't know if you have any larger stores where you are....but air con is becoming a necessity for me now...not a luxury as it once seemed.

You seem so low I really feel for you...is there absolutely no possibility of your moving back to your coastal place? I am glad you are taking good care of Sam too....his adjustment to the excessive heat must be worrying for you. He is lucky to have such a loving owner.

Perhaps it will take some time to form some connections with people at church, but do keep going along. I would be lost without my collection of movies to "escape" to sometimes when life seems so hard.....I love Chocolat and Billboards Ebbing Missouri and the two Dames too...there are some brilliant ones around. (don't get me started , I'll never stop.) What kind of movies do you like?

Wishing you both all good things that you so deserve....your friends on Forum will always be "not far away"......much love...Moonstruck x