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Listener not a talker

Alone77
Community Member

I've always been a good listener but now at 45 I'm starting to think it's not a good thing. Everyone I interact with seems to want to tell me their life story but at what point will someone ask me about mine? I just feel like I'm meant to listen to everyone else's problems but I don't know how to move the conversation to share issues I have but then I feel guilty that I should be there for my friends so I should be there to listen.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

 

I have a few comments to make about this. I'm a talker, even so I've noticed that I can mention say- my arthritis in my knee and the other person will say "I have a twinge in my shoulder I have to get looked at" then go on about that. It is very common and only empathetic people will focus on the topic you are mentioning. It is annoying so- it isnt you!

 

I think, going from experience, it is the type of company you keep. Even family members can be self centred so in terms of regular socialising I suggest you begin to select your close friends wisely, kinder more considerate types.

 

I have a friend that visits regularly and its 'all about him'. He doesnt ask questions, so in effect he is only visiting to break some news about his life. He comes around if he purchased another car and we look through it etc. We bought a new SUV and he wasnt interested in looking at all. 

 

So this self centred attitude is common. There is one thing you can do. When they shift the topic to themselves having not commented on what you said, get up and dont comment, start making the coffee etc. If they say "didnt you hear me reply "yes I did but you didnt comment on what I was saying so I assumed thats how conversations go with you... do you take sugar"? Eventually he/she might get the message.

 

TonyWK