life crisis?

[Viormoon]

I feel like life was so much easier during Covid or in the hospital earlier this year, selfish enough to say while there are people living in distress and hopelessness. It was because I didn't have to adhere any expectations and was able to dive into my favourite hobbies. I realised the consequences.

During Highschool back around 2015 was when I was in year 10. I thought It was normal to feel depressed, to self-harm. It's not okay no matter how you look at it. But i didn't realise that fully a few years later, that I should've asked for professional help. School's have support systems that I didn't know could help me at the time because I thought I had to carry it myself. My closest friend at the time telling saw the cuts and supported me whenever she can.

Anyway, never thought to be diagnoses back then. After highschool, I started studying at tafe since I thought Uni seemed to overwhelming from the first day. Was that an act due to anxiety? But I had nightmares involving going to highschool and was relieved I was finally free (occurred during the start of 2020).

Recently I've taken on 3 casual jobs and attended 1 volunteer day.

Thoughts race in my head everyday resulting to extreme thoughts of: why am i even working? money doesn't seem satisfying anymore. i want a purpose in life. what are my goals even? is there even a place in this world that my career choices align with what i want to do instead being controlled by fear?

Did I take on 3 jobs because I feared societal expectations as others I've encountered have part-time jobs, not working in fast food.

Currently i am enrolled in cert iv in vet nursing as well but i dread it everyday. everytime i bring myself to study it. I don't think its because i find it difficult to learn, but cause im disinterested in the content. It makes me question if I should change my career pathway. Yet everyone seems to say its good to be disciplined to complete it so there's a backup option.

During my term 1 break last 2 weeks, I've been studying about mental health instead of vet nurse. procrastination much? Talked to my careers counsellor. said to be a teacher which was interesting.

Anyways, today i quit one of the jobs. Will try and bring myself to contact my gp to see a psychologist. but then again do i need to see one comes to mind, or am i just burnt out? do i have a mental illness or am i just overreacting. Is this what everyone experience or just me? is this black and white thinking?

What is wrong with me?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Viormoon, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting about your experiences. It is an incredibly brave thing to do to come and share your story with us and look for some support. Thank you for your courage! 

We are really sorry to hear that you are having a tough time with your study path at the moment. Starting down a journey of education can be a challenging time and there are some resources below that we think you find useful.

We also think it would be useful for you to talk to someone about how you are feeling. You can always call us on the Beyond Blue phoneline on 1300 22 4636. You can also call our friends at Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) who offer specialised support for young people under 25, they are wonderful and friendly. There are also a few threads you might find interesting below where other people are having similiar experiences to you.

Threads
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/feeling-unsure-of-studying-and-struggling-with-work-#qwqeinHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/doubts-about-what-i'm-doing-in-life---studying-dropout-work-#qv3YqnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/anxiety-and-studying-right-career-path#qvZCQXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[james1]

Hello Viormoon,

Welcome to the forums! It's really nice to meet you here and I hope you can find some answers or at least some help in working through your situation.

It sounds like there are so many questions going on in your mind and I can certainly understand the concern about possible mental illness, since you self-harmed in year 10. It seems like you are also unsure if a lot of these questions about your life in general are related to mental health or somehow just something you do.

I think it's a common question that gets asked, 'is my x behaviour because of x mental illness? what's wrong with me?" A GP or psychologist could certainly help you answer that question, so it's great that you are thinking about booking in a session.

From my own experience, your questions about your life in general are very common.

My sister is asking very similar questions about her life, and she seems to be around the same age as you. She's unsure about her career, and went back to uni, and now is unsure about what she's studying. It seems to be a very normal thing, especially as you go through different life stages, to question the purpose of everything you are doing or have done. Your priorities in life are changing, there are new pressures in life and new expectations.

It's altogether really stressful and there's really no 'right' way to do things. When I spoke to my sister about this very thing last week, I suggested that even if she didn't know what the right path was, the best she could do was try her best to find a path to commit to. Then, if that didn't work out, be flexible enough to change if it made sense. But more importantly, to keep talking to friends about her thoughts and choices and concerns, because they would likely be going through similar experiences.

So I don't know if there's anything you can do differently, and I really wish there was a simple answer to your question. I think the only concrete advice I can give is to speak to your close friends and family, and to a GP or counsellor if you find them helpful. But you're certainly not alone in this.

James

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome. At the moment I am just tagging your story so that I can reply in more detail tomorrow.

If I could ask you one question though ... Is there anything you are passionate about?

My son started Uni after year 12. And he dropped out after a few weeks. The course he was doing was not to his liking. Like you, he dreaded it. So mum and dad (that's me) chatted with him. He is nearly finished a cert IV in fitness and is a swimming coach. These are things he liked. If he wants to go to Uni or do further study he can do that later.

Secondly, I cannot comment on the mental illness in your post but you could look at the K10 test on the beyond blue web site here ...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety-and-depression-checklist-k10

Hope some of this helps.