Just feeling blue
im new here. Found this on beyond blue website. I’m 41 this year and have had episodes with anxiety and depression, mostly depression most of my life. I’m feeling so down and blue over the past 2 weeks, nothing and no one can cheer me up, my research seems to point at SAD as my condition tends to get worse during the colder months. I feel so drained of energy and emotions, I don’t feel like talking to or interacting with anyone, I keep having thoughts of regretting parent hood and find myself distancing from wife and 2 boys. All I do is just work long days and come home. I’m so sick of it. I have nothing left to give anymore, all I want to do is get under the blanket and hide all the time. I feel like I’m going nuts.. can anyone relate to this?
I'd rather have a messy house (hive of activity) than a perfectly clean house where I'm walking on eggshells. Actually, my husband's the one who likes a clean house and with him being home for another 4 weeks from work, he's getting a bit ranty about the state of things. We've got a bungalow in our back yard (aka man cave) which he comes out of just to complain about the state of things. My suggestion is that he comes out to interact with the kids, as opposed to complain to them. He'll huff and walk off. Nothing changes. Wondering if the state of the house is your wife's way of feeling in control, managing life.
I'm glad you feel you can be honest about the unfulfilling s****y side of parenthood. From a female perspective, I had little feeling for my kids and my husband until I made my way out of my depression. Believe it or not, it was actually my kids who raised me well above and beyond my depression. They gradually led me to become a better parent. Yes, they challenge me and support me to achievement. It can be hard to parent when we're not taught the most effective ways by our own parents. When generations of questionable parenting skills comes down the line to us, we can be left with a heck of a lot of questions. Unfortunately, one particularly destructive question comes into play, 'What's wrong with me (as a parent)?' I've been led over time to ask a number of questions which I hope helps:
- Do I have an effective amount of energy with which to effective raise my kids? If not, why?
- Am I a reasonable parent? Do I take notice of my kids reasons for why they think, speak and act the way they do? Far cry from the era of 'Children should be seen and not heard'. Do I give my kids good reasons for what I say and do or do I just rattle off a lot of the beliefs and practices my parents used? In other words, am I fully conscious
- Am I a good person and therefor should I demand recognition for this? If the answer is 'Yes, I'm a good and thoughtful person' then demands should be made in regard to recognition. We should not let folk take advantage of us
- Am I parenting alone, even though there is another parent in the house? In this case, the other parent must be challenged to step up, even if this challenge is outside their comfort zone. Constructive challenges are, by nature, outside our comfort zone. If they were inside, they wouldn't be life changing
The list goes on.
Scott, you are doing a spectacular job, under the circumstances 🙂
You are doing spectacularly well under the circumstances. Not sure whether you realise that you are far more tolerant than you used to be before kids. You are far more patient than you used to be before kids. You are far more conscious, you are far more resilient, far more thoughtful (in the way you manage and multitask) etc etc. You are far more than who you ever were.
I believe when we're pushed to our limits to become far more of something, we find the absolute height of our tolerance for whatever the issue is. While you have excelled (yes, you have displayed excellence) you face the height of your tolerance, the brink. I believe this is where others have to give back. For example, if your wife is managing mental health issues without professional help, now she may have to manage with it because you obviously can't tolerate her not managing. You are in a partnership. She owes you for all the ways in which you are managing your role as father and mother. If your kids are managing solely through you entertaining them, they may need to manage through finding some ways to entertain themselves. You get what I mean. Others need to manage while you face the exhausting brink of tolerance. It's only fair.
Again, you are excellent, more than you ever have been, thoughtful, brilliant, spectacular and so much more. You have come a long way, even though it may not feel like it. This is parenthood, the state of bettering our self, to be pushed to the limits of tolerance and know (without a doubt) that we could not have reached those incredible limits without our kids. Not many ever teach us as parents how we are shaped into better people by our kids.
Thank you the rising for the encouragement and more so for opening up. It must be tough for you to be going thru your own s$#t and yet find the heart to help others. It’s my birthday in 2 days time, in my mind the best present Is if I could be left alone for a day but it would be too much as my family would not understand this strange request. I’m gonna have to put up a front. I’m not able to feel happiness, never could for a long time already. I’m gonna tee up my GP get a mental Health plan signed up and see a psychologist. I’m hoping to get on meds. Don’t want to live like this anymore. Had a friend recently die of stomach cancer really added to my depression and at the same time gave me a wake up call. Life is too short. How are you coping with your own depression? How long have you had it?
I hope life carefully gifted you constructive food for thought on your birthday. This anniversary can often be a time of reflection.
I imagine the stress associated with keeping your job is deeply challenging. Wondering, if it does come down to great financial challenge, whether you're able to access part of your Super or your wife can access hers. Under the circumstances it may be a solution.
I've found 'Under the circumstances' to be significant. When we're exhausted, under the circumstances it can be impossible to function energetically. When we're feeling lost, under the circumstances it can feel impossible to find direction. As we evolve, our circumstances change. We can be beating our self up, feeling like we're 'failing' in some way whereas, in reality, we're doing our best to make sense of things under the circumstances, circumstances which dictate the need to gradually adapt. It may not feel like our best but it is. Our best will appear to alter as we graduate through a challenge or through our circumstances.
So glad you've graduated to looking for a co-manager in the way of mental health. Great professional guidance can make all the difference. When you hear folk say 'Life doesn't come with an instruction manual', there are professionals in life who have a kind of access to chapters of that so called manual when it comes to how things work. What I mean by this is if life is somewhat based on perception, a psychologist will hold some understanding of how perception works, based on their years of study and observation. A biologist will have chapters on how we work physically. Someone who's mastered understanding on how we work soulfully in certain ways, will hold chapters on how we interact with life on a natural level. I've spent some years enjoying researching how we tick on many levels. Life's 'instruction manual' is forever being added to or updated, in the most fascinating ways. Neuroplasticity points to our brain/mind's incredible ability to change and adapt. Epigenetics points to our amazing ability to alter our own DNA. Both were once believed impossible. Even science now acknowledges spirituality's credibility to a degree when it comes to us being energetic creatures.
Came out of my depression some years ago and have been researching the nature of life ever since. Within my 15 or so years in depression, there were many times where I believed it would be my life sentence. Goes to show, we can't always trust what we believe.
Hello the rising I can’t thank you enough for being a pillar of strength and encouragement for a total stranger I hope life returns blessings to you in many folds. Today is day 2 I’m on meds. It does not kick in so quickly so I’m not sure if it is placebo or not but as of 10 mins ago I felt the dark cloud lift so I’d better post during this window of sanity. I’ve see a GP and will see my psychologists soon. I know there are side effects to eating meds but what the heck, it beats drowning in this deliberating madness in my head. Taking the meds makes me yawn uncontrollably but again I’m convinced the gamble is worth it.
my financial position is not great but ok enough where I won’t be on the street immediately if i loose my job. I’m overly anxious and it’s giving me panic attacks. I can say this in my window of sanity. I have a combination of anxiety and depression.
wife is looking for more permanent work as kids are much older now. Im not going to read the news today as there is too much anxiety I get from reading all the bad things going on around in the world.
I’ve lost a good portion of my life to depression. I do not intend for this to be my life sentence. Thank you so much for sharing the amazing info and I’ve gotten strength from reading your encouraging words. I will find a way to make the black dog respect me though it prob will still be around.
There's a chance the meds may be working that quickly. Can remember being on a particular one during my depression which worked within days. I thought 'This can't possibly work that quickly' but it did. May sound a little simplistic but...you'll sense the difference not the sameness (that same dark feeling that's been going on for some time). I never had this relief or experience with other AD. I tend to look at finding the right AD as a bit of a 'mad scientist' thing, mixing chemistry (in a tablet) with the chemistry (in our body). When the right combo happens, BAMM. Perhaps more like a sad scientist than a mad one.
The yawning side effect is an interesting one. Typically, yawning is venting. Wondering what you're venting. We can yawn and stretch in the morning, venting the relaxation that's in our body as we begin to 'power up' for the day (bit like a cat that's just woken up). We can yawn as we relax the tension out of our body at the end of the day, before powering down to sleep. Another long release of breath (sighing) sees us venting tension/stress/disappointment. Every time we're releasing something, we're venting. From yawing through to pooping, we do vent a lot of what the body senses no purpose in holding onto 🙂
Good on you for letting go of the compulsion to read the news so much. It can be a hard thing to let go of. Bad news can be addictive and the media relies on this fact, which is why they keep churning out the same depressing stuff, keeping us hooked. Only new relevant information is relevant. Scott, I'm so easily triggered by the media when the love to give their covid death count. The thing that really triggers me is how they just have to specifically announce how many deaths are in aged care. I work in aged care and if the media could reveal what really goes on in facilities like ours, people would be stunned. We wear plastic face shields over surgical masks. Everyone's in desperate need of a good hand moisturiser, due to so much washing and sanitiser use. We have temperature checks. The building has been divided up so if something did get in it wouldn't spread throughout. All residents returning from outside the building face strict quarantine in their rooms for 14 days. The list goes on, as all recommended protocols are strictly adhered to, yet the media paints a picture of fear and carelessness. It does trigger me.
Regarding that black dog: In mastering the mind, we become master of the dog. Such mastery is gradual.