I am a mid 30s female and have high functioning anxiety and depression.
I lost my best friend to suicide just after finishing highschool which had a huge impact on me. I've never been able to make friends easily anyway, but after that whenever I find myself in a downward spiral, I push anyone who care about me away.
When my parents split, my father attempted to end his life numerous times. And on Xmas eve, both my parents attempted. As a result, I absolutely hate Christmas and happy family situations.
I have been bullied at work by people in managerial positions. I decided to stand up and make it heard, but all it did was shine a spotlight on me and my mental health issues as the "problem".
My partner and I of 14 years split up on new years eve. Mutual agreement, but still very heartbreaking.
I am constantly asked when I am going to have kids - Like it is a compulsory part of life. But after everything that life has thrown at me, why would I WANT to have a child? To pass on my mental illness and insecurities onto some poor kid... to please people who wanted to end their own lives at one point regardless of the effects it would have on their own children.... to bring a child into this messed up life of mine....
I cant even sort my own life out.
Back to the question, am I selfish for cursing the world and saying: Why me?
*note: yes I have seen psychologists and am taking prescription medications for all of my problems. I'm not suicidal. I just need to vent somewhere to someone. I live in QLD and have no family and no friends here, all I have is my cats - as wonderful as they are, venting to them just doesn't seem to have the same effect 🙂
Thanks for listening ♡
☆it's okay not to be okay
☆it's not weak to speak
