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Imagined isolation or not?

Community Member

Hi everyone !

hindsight is a wonderful thing hey people's? I should have done this or I should have done that kind of thoughts pass through my head at times and I wonder if I would have been different if I'd made other choices and been in a different position in life. I perceive myself as lonely in a crowded room too often to count, and it frustrates me how one minute I can be happy with the way I'm relaxed on my own, then go on a downer as if everyone has abandoned me just because at that moment I am alone while everyone gets on with their life without me. Then I blame myself....it must be me right? Then I feel mad and want to pull away even further from people. I don't socialise in person much at all, mainly one on one on phone and internet. So am I really as isolated as I feel ? Or the isolation is more a state of mind?

Thanks for hearing me...

13 Replies 13

Hello Forward

Can you remember how you started this thread? There is a drop down menu under Get Support on the home page. Click on the Online Forums and it takes you to the list of forums. Decide which forum you want to post in and click on that. On the right hand side near the top of the page there is a blue box marked New Threads. Click on that and you can start to write in the boxes provided. If you want to browse the forums simply click on a forum you think may be good to read and go ahead. Join in conversations where you have something to say.

It's a shame when we get put off by MH professional whose style does not suit us. Sometimes we do need to shop around to find someone we can 'click' with. That first psychiatrist for me was good for several years. What I wanted most was to feel safe and understood. I was lucky that happened first time round. I did get private insurance and he did send me to hospital at one point. I spent a week there. It was good because I just relaxed and let the staff look after me. The night before I was due to go home I had a massive panic attack. Horrible. Nurses were quite concerned but it ended OK.

I had a similar argument about raking up the past. I said it had happened and I could not change it so why talk about it. Sound familiar? Eventually I realised that past events shape our current thinking and actions. When you get upset/afraid/worried about something, try to remember when you experienced this feeling in the past. What was it all about? Who hurt you in some way? This is the sort of thing the psych wants you to describe. Current distress may well be a spin-off from the past event as you go through it all again. Your brain is connecting the two events and you are reacting now as you did then even when you do not realise it.

So understanding what happened in the past can help us understand what is happening now and we can start to manage ourselves. This is when the healing starts. It can be hard and painful as I found out. Please ask the psychologist or psychiatrist you see to explain all this. If I have one grouch about the psychiatrist I saw it was because he was hopeless at explanations. If I asked for clarification he would repeat his first explanation word for word. Aargh!


Hello Mary !

First, Thanks for reminding me the steps to post.

Second, I've been over the past so many times over the years that it's time to move on. But I understand what you say and how relevant the past can be.

Third, had to giggle about your grouchy...I hear your frustration. Happens to me at times too lol

Hope you are having a good weekend. I'm busy mostly reading a story that keeps making me smile and laugh out loud, and at a good pace..no boring bits lol

Forward only xx

Lovely to hear from your Forward and to know you are laughing. It's good for the body to chuckle.

Love the photo of chocka. Is that short for chocolate? Pity the picture is sideways. Can you turn it once to the right?

CBT is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's the most common form of therapy used I think. I disliked it because it made me think how I could change a situation or thought and at times I did not want to change. Silly? Yes but we can easily feel like that. It also made me recognise what I was doing that was unproductive. So it could be a bit painful and I felt it knocked my self confidence.

However, it is a good therapy if only for the reasons above. Naming our reactions and seeing how events go wrong can be a great help. How much anger did I feel, how stupid, did I feel I was right in situations, how could I change it next time? It's surprising how many time we do the same thing which means we can learn to do better. Why when we are depressed we appear to be uninterested in getting well I don't really understand. I do know it seems such a huge mountain to climb and I was frequently convinced I did not have the stamina to reach the top. Oh dear, the obstacles we put in our own way.

With patience and persistence a good psych can help you move forward, even when we don't want to move. "I know my pigsty and I want to stay here" was the feeling at times. If antidepressants work even a little it can help us to feel more able to move on. And that's the whole point of meds. They do not 'cure' you, only help you to become more stable and able to work on your own recovery.

I may not be able to answer you after today for the next week. I am going to Melbourne on Tuesday and will return the following Monday. I think I will need a day to deal with all the emails that will pile up when I return. Please stay safe and continue posting here. Keep laughing. The world looks better from that viewpoint.


Dear Mary,

I understood a lot of what you said and could feel myself ironically going " why do I have to change" and "I'm comfortable in my own pigsty" lol beyondblue advert is on lol it's a life changer for me ! There should be a special award to recognise it fills a very important gap in the lives of many in our country.

In a happy place today. Saw mum and got some groceries this morning.

Chocka was NOT in happy place when I abandoned him, but all was forgiven when I came home and gave him a lambstrip lol

Be safe in your travels to Melbourne and look forward to your return in a week!

Big hugs !