I just feel Done

[No_nickname]

Hi,

First time posting here, and I just wanted to get something off my chest, or maybe out of my heart. I feel like there is not really anyone in my life to tell them what I really feel. There is the making my parents worry, my husband who will tell me He understands and make it about him, and if He doesn’t do that, He will tell me how to fix it. I don’t feel I have really close friends, and with out getting into it. I guess I just feel they don’t care, or have their own issues and don’t need mine.

Anyway, I just feel done with it all, Covid, my job, my direct client, my manager, my employees, the bullshit the pops up all the time, having to tell grown ass me to put on a face mask, the lies, the people who think your stupid. Just everything.

I am sick of reading to much in to things, of feeling more other people then I will ever mean to them. Of getting anxious when dealing with people but having to act like nothing affects me.

Of feeling ugly and never pretty or good enough or smart enough. Of never being enough.

And knowing that the problem is me, in my head or being aware of it but unable to just stop.

I am sick of being afraid to go after what I want, to apply for other jobs, to change my relationship. To ask those friends what I truely mean to them. And why the hell am I afraid, things don’t work out in life, it’s not the end of the world and people can never say anything worse then what I say to myself.

So yeah, I just feel done

thanks for letting me get that out.

[Sophie_M]

Hey there

Thanks for reaching out tonight.

It sounds like you're feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and that the people around you are not really listening or even wanting to listen to how you're feeling. This must be a horrible feeling. We want you to know that you're not alone and there is a lot of support available.

We're concerned that may be thoughts of suicide or self harm may been happening for you now and we are sending a private message to check in with you. 

We hope you know that there is always support available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
 
If thoughts of self harm or suicide are in fact with you tonight, where you feel like acting on those thoughts, then this is an emergency, and you should call 000 immediately.
 

[No_nickname]

Thanks for checking in on my but I am ok in the regard, just feeling done with it all but not feeling done with life.

[therising]

Hi No_nickname

I'm so glad you gave yourself the freedom to come here and vent. Keeping so much in must be exhausting. Managing to tolerate other people's behaviours, your own thoughts (when there are so many of them), trying to please so many around you and managing so much more is exhausting. I imagine you're pretty much at the heights of exhaustion and tolerance and perhaps seriously fed up with having to manage so much.

Not sure if it will help but what I've found in recent times is...whenever I'm on the brink of returning to depression (which I've been free from for some years), I'm actually on the verge of having a new constructive aspect of myself come to life. Couple of examples

• My husband can be thoughtful at times by asking if I'm okay. When I've given myself the freedom to express how I really feel in the past, he's typically said either 'Oh, don't say that. I hate to hear that' (if I was expressing I was beginning to feel depressed) or 'You need to just get on with life and stop over thinking everything'. I could never quite put my finger on why these things used to trigger me so much until I fully embraced my intolerant sense of self. I'd been trying so hard to tolerate these things he'd say, for years. My intolerant sense of self sounds a little like 'Why are you tolerating him making this about what he doesn't want to hear?' and 'Why are you tolerating him insisting you 'just get on with things' when that's no solid plan when it comes to managing how you're thinking and feeling?'. So, you could say meeting with our intolerant sense of self means meeting with a sense of self that puts an end to what we shouldn't be tolerating
• When the wonderer or questioner in us come to life (again), you can feel it coming to life. It can feel far from comfortable at first. The reason I mention 'again' is because it was naturally there to begin with, until we were possibly conditioned to suppress it through directions beginning in childhood, such as 'Don't question me, just do as you're told!' and 'Never question a teacher' and 'Don't question your employer' etc. Not questioning can last a lifetime. We're conditioned to stop questioning. So, when this part comes back to life, we can be labelled as 'difficult' or 'challenging'. We just can't 'do as we're told' anymore without feeling the need to question just about everything and everyone questionable. Suddenly, you can wake up to the amount of folk who avoid giving you solid answers. This can be triggering