I have no excuse to feel this way
I have a roof over my head. A paid for car. Food whenever I force myself to make it or get it. A supportive family (albeit in other countries) and really good friends, who I avoid. I had a decent job but I quit in February and I'm living on my savings I wanted to use for something good in my life and odd work here and there. I enjoy company, when I force myself to get out the house.
When I eventually get into bed, I make myself go to sleep by imagining I'll never wake up again. I chain smoke. I do nothing. I don't speak to anyone because I feel guilty about not having a situation that could cause my self loathing. Everyone has way more drama than I do.
I went to a doctor two years ago, when I was still pretending to be a human being, and asked about help with this but he just gave me some mental health search pages from his printer.
Am I just a lazy dead weight?
I'm hoping to find direction in seeking help on here and wish you all a day that is kind to you!
Welcome to the forums. We can hear you’re in a really difficult place, but we're glad you could share this here. We know that it isn't easy, but sharing with people who can relate (like the lovely people on these forums) is a really good place to start on the journey towards feeling better.
We think it’s really important to speak to the GP about the way you’re feeling. There’s a bit of advice on how you can do that here. If you’re feeling like it might be hard to speak about, some people find writing it down to give or read to their health professional is helpful.
Please remember you can reach out to the Beyond Blue counsellors on 1300 22 4636. They can talk you through these difficult moments, and they’ll also help you to figure out how to get some more support. They’re also available on webchat, here. Other options are Lifeline on 13 11 14, or the Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467.
We can hear you’re feeling really hard on yourself, and maybe don’t feel like you have an excuse to feel the way you do. GravelRoad, you deserve to feel good, and you shouldn't have to feel like you're going through this without any help. We know it’s easier said than done, but there’s some advice for challenging these thoughts on the Beyond Blue website that you might find helpful, here: “when your inner critic is giving you a tough time”.
Please feel free to keep sharing. Many forum members may have experience with some of the challenges you mention, and we think they will find great value in your words. We’re sure we’ll hear from some of them here on your thread soon to offer their support and understanding.
Wellcome to our forums!
Im sorry you are feeling this way.
Its hard when we self loathe it tends to pull us down……….. please try to talk to yourself in a positive way and build yourself up….
Try to set small goals for the day and then try to achieve them…
Try to think of things you are grateful for….
You are important and if you are feeling this way you could see your gp and do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist.
Im here to chat