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I am Kuchel and this is my story

Community Member


I will try to summarize everything in few paragraphs - 

I am kuchel. I suffer from depression time to time. Usually the depression with anxiety. I am a 9 to 5 working man. I have a family. I feel stagnated in the life. I feel everything has stopped for me. Things I used to enjoy before, I don't feel the same way. Sometimes, the depression get so bad that, I struggle to get out of it. It feel like a total darkness. At times I feel I am an audience. My life , day -to-day things becomes like a movie in front of me. It just plays and I cannot do anything to it.

I want to do something which I like , which I can challenge myself. But the employment situation is not good. Therefore I cannot leave this organization.

Sometimes I am very happy. I feel like I am in the clouds. However, the feeling quickly subsides and it becomes dark again.

That is me in short...


5 Replies 5

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Kuchel, Welcome to Beyond Blue forums

There is no mention of medication or therapy. Are you getting treatment.? If not then you should talk to your doctor.

Thats the first step. Then there are steps you can take that are really self help steps. They might include-

- a change in employer, a change in occupation, more rest, planning entertainment, getting family support, ridding yourself of destructive or toxic people, removing problems from your life etc. All these as examples could mean-

Having one planned day on the w/end for gardening or just rest/reading a book. planning a arvo at the movies, getting that family support, getting that toxic person out of your life even if it is a relative and renewing your car if your car is breaking down all the time.

Essentially you are to lower the stress in your life. Hope this helps.

Tony WK

Thanks for the post.

Sometimes that first step is a huge effort me. Sometime I feel that status qou is a kind of comfort zone for me. I am scared to take a step. But I think your idea is full of positivity. I will have to give it a go.

Community Member

Dear Kuchel. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I too am trying to shake my life up a little by getting a new job but it is a difficult market to crack at the moment. Somedays I am so so happy, other days I don't want to get out of bed. Because I was depressed for so long I was reluctant to let go of it, like you, it becomes the status quo. I let it define me and even though I was sad I felt safe there. I have tried psychologists, they don't work for me. But medication saved my life... although I am on BB because I feel it may be wearing off (or something else is going on with my head).

Are you financially stable enough that you can have a full shake up and take a lower paying role in a different industry, perhaps one you have always wanted to work in but didn't? Unfortunately I do not have that stability at the moment... but still i consider it because my job satisfaction affects my self worth and feelings so much. 

Community Member

Hi Ailin

Thanks for the post. It looks like your situation is very similar to mine. At the moment I am not yet secured financially. I am the first generation of expatriate in Australia. I work hard, very hard, like to try new things,
do things which is new.  I try to keep myself busy, but at one point of time the feelings of failure hits me. I get
this feeling of helplessness and then pure anger. Mostly the anger is on me.  I come from a family who see everything as a kind competition. When I was small, I was always compared to others. When I grew up, the sense of competition has engulfed me. I never feel satisfied. I am always pushing the boundary. I feel, how come I could not achieve (financial or otherwise), whereas others with similar effort is so financially well off.  At a certain point it drives me nuts. 
I don’t know what to do; I feel my hands are tied.  I am thinking of changing the profession. But without another income it will be impossible to take huge pay cut.  I have a master’s degree and recently finished a post graduate course. But I think the courses won’t help me to secure a better job. It looks like I have incurred more debt. This also contributes to my depression.

Let me know if your situation has improved.


Community Member

Hi Kuchel.

 I am sorry that you are having problems with depression and anxiety. 

It is definitely possible to recover from and prevail against depression and anxiety.

I strongly recommend talking to a doctor about your situation, because depending on your specific symptoms there are a range of options available to help you get better.

Secondly to this I also suggest considering what you can realistically do to make positive changes in your life, to make life more compatible with your emotional needs, because to a degree our emotions can reflect what we are experiencing around us.  It sounds obvious but some people have difficult making their own emotional needs a priority in their life.

I really wish you the very best, and thank you for introducing yourself.