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Hello?... is this thing on?

_anon_
Community Member

Hello all,

So this is the first time I have ever written anything about my situation... Or whatever you call it. 

I guess you could say I've read all the FAQ's, I've seen all of the blog posts. Read a bunch of self help mumbo jumbo and the like and I guess I'm on here to look for some real world / real life examples of beating depression without all the fluffy meditation / love yourself / change your outlook nonsense which honestly does shit balls for me.

I most recently resonated with an article I found on google called "10 signs of walking depression" on one of the many occasions I wake up sit at my home office desk and decide to express my current mood in google search term format.

It never helps. Basically I just leave reading things like... "mmmHmmm yup that sounds like me. Man I'm depressed... Oh well I guess that means nothing useful can come of me today" ... and so I do nothing useful... Eat bad, mope about lay around find the odd burst of fleeting motivation after a coffee and then... Nothing again.

 I've been dealing with depression for a large majority of my life and it came on most noticeably in High School when I would find myself thinking bad thoughts just to make myself feel sad and then would even self harm in a lame attempt to hurt / kill myself without ever having the balls to actually do it.

I'm now 30 years old. And on the exterior most would say I'm a smart successful man. I drive a nice car, I live in a nice place, I've got a good corporate career and I'm pretty good at what I do. I don't love it. But I'm good at it. But then again I don't know what I love. I don't think I'd know what I'm passionate about if it came up and bit me on the ass at this stage in my life because everything I thought I "LOVED" or really enjoyed doing just seems ... "meh / kinda fun" now.

 Anyway I really hoped this wouldn't turn into a rant but it looks like it has. And I guess I already know what will come of the post...

I'm expecting a lot of replies or none of similar vain, which I don't know what I'll do with. A lot of .. "I hear ya buddy, but hey just hang in there alright. It gets better.. I've been there... It starts with a smile..." or some BS, that makes me go.. Great I'm not alone, but I'm still broken.

I guess I should also add I've gone to therapy which to me was a waste of time and nothing can shake this feeling I wake up with the majority of my days.

{C}

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

3 Replies 3

Simona
Community Member

hello : )

I don't mean it to sound like a cliché but I'm genuinely sorry you are so unhappy.

Hopefully more seasoned peeps will pitch in and welcome you - I am pretty shy but thought to say hello because i see you have been hanging up here for while now.

I don't get depressed much myself really - my moods vary between anxious or incredibly happy and hyper.  I'm mostly chipper though 🙂    if i could blow some chipper your way i would - life is too short to be sad 

: )

 

Narniakid
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey _anon_, welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out to us.

I am sorry to hear you're feeling this way despite some previous sessions with a therapist. Unfortunately, quite often it takes a few different tries before you find a psychologist who you're comfortable with/is actually helpful. I tried about 4 or 5 before I found the right one, but I've been seeing her for 6 years now and I've made remarkable progress.

Have you visited your GP for a professional diagnosis? That's usually the best place to start, and from there they can give you a range of treatment options, including medication. 

We are always here to listen to you and point you in the right direction, and it's great to hear you've had a read of the forums. Keep us posted.

Crystal

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

dear _anon_, you are no different to what other people think when in depression, because when they are told ' it will get better' it's in one ear and out the other, it can be annoying and rather boring, true and I felt the same, but to drop all of this nonsense, they're right.

We get to a stage where our mind is turned off, always thinking 'how could anybody tell me what to do and certainly what to think', and that's where the problem begins, because we don't believe what they say nor do we trust what they say, and just because there have been so many attempts for people to try and help me, have all ended in vain, so now all my attempts have stopped.

So is this good or bad, well this depends on whether or not you want to bellow out your frustration or accept the fact that you do need help.

No one can force you to seek help, because if this happens it would be pointless, and you have read an article on depression, but this isn't the only article on depression, there are hundreds of books, online help books and there has to be one that resonates with you.

It's no different than taking antidepressants, you have to be lucky for the first one to have any affect on you, so you go through the list that your doctor gives you to try, and eventually you get the one that works.

So you have two choices here, stay as you are or get the help that you need, and this will mean persuasiveness, but you have to remember that depression is stronger to what anybody thinks, it will beat you before you can beat it, unless you get treatment. Geoff.