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Gay son

Cheersdad
Community Member
My 13 year old son has just told us he’s gay, although not a surprise to hear him say it was still a shock. We were calm and had a little chat about it, we just want to support him but not push to hard. It’s a thing we know very little about and are unsure how to handle it. We love him dearly and want him to be happy, but can’t help worrying,any advice would be much appreciated. Tia
9 Replies 9

Guest_206
Community Member

Dear Cheersdad,

It's so heartening to hear that you love your son dearly and want him to be happy. I also hear that you are new to this and are worrying for him, which is completely understandable. Have you heard of PFLAG - Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays? It might help if you check them out as they might be able to provide you with some information and support.

I just want to thank you so much for supporting your son and loving him for who he is.

Xg

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Cheersdad,

I am glad to hear you are looking to be supportive! I would suggest just accepting him as he is and not changing how you interact with him 🙂 Nothing has changed, only that he has told you who he chooses to love instead of keeping it a secret - he is still the same person and your son.

It can be worrying for a parent to think about how the rest of the world responds to the LGBTQI+ community, but times are changing & I am sure the best thing for him right now would to feel supported and loved the same as he has always been.

Stay supportive,

Jaz.

Learn to Fly
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Cheersdad

Thank you for your beautiful post and welcome to this forum.

It is very understanding you have been worried about your son and it’s great you reached out here to this always supportive and understanding community.

I understand you worrying, however, I would like to talk about few very, very important things that stand out from your post:

You say you that love your son dearly and every single word in your post supports it.

As nervous and worrying as you have been, you welcomed the news calmly and being accepting.

Another thing that speaks volumes about what a great parents and family you are is the actual act of your son telling you that he was gay. How trusting, loving and believing he must be in you Guys as parents, to be sure that you were going to react as you did: calmly, accepting and working out the rest because you love him.

There are so many young people out there who are petrified to come out in front of their parents. Parents might be the last ones to learn. Denying the truth about their children. Denying love and support that’s is absolutely vital for those young persons to then bravely face the world on their own.

You as parents, and your family should be so proud of yourselves.

Having said this, I have no doubt how nervous and worried you must be. But I truly believe you Guys have the most important and powerful foundations to work the things out. You love and respect each other and the rest will eventually fall into right places. Your son was honest with you Guys. How about being honest with him and admitting your worries, admitting this is completely new territory for you but reassuring him about your love and support.
I really believe you’ve got this. Just give yourself some time to get used to these news. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel uncertain and be willing to work on this together.

Mark Z.
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Cheersdad,

Welcome to the forum!

You must be a very kind father. I can tell that it's really not easy for your son to tell you he's a gay. Not all kids can be so open to their parents. He must have deep trust on you. Considering this, I would suggest you to give him as mush as possible love, respect and support, also leave him some private space in his life.

I agree with Guest_206, obtaining knowledge to this group of people will help you stop from worrying or being panic.

All the best to you and your son!

Mark

Thanks for that, slowly getting sorted just want to be there for him.

Cheersdad
Community Member
Thanks for the advice jaz, bit of a learning curve but we’ll get there.👍

chadicha
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hey! You sound like a truly loving, caring father who wants to be there best to support his son. I understand it can be a hard pill to swallow, particularly if you do not agree with or are unsure about his choices (which your allowed to feel). It can be hard when the world seems to be changing so quickly and all of a sudden, your own son is apart of what is happening in the outside world. The best thing you can do, is to just love him the same way you always have. Educating yourself, asking your son questions in ways you can support him personally is important to show you care but end of the day what is most important is loving your son just as who he is inside, and he will learn, grow, evolve and mature over the years. It is so important to also tell him no matter what sexual choices, or any other life choices you make (even if i dont agree with it), i will still always love you for who you are because those things aren't you.

Thanks we Just want to be there anytime we’re needed,it meant the world that he could tell me and hopefully our closeness will continue. I don’t personally know anything about gay community so it should be a learning curve for all of us. He said nothing changed we just carry on as before, we are very much a live and let live family so I’m sure we’ll be fine. Thanks again

Thank you for your response Cheersdad. You are so right about the learning curve. In your family you can all count and on each other and this will help a lot.
Please remember you can always come back to this forum and chat. Thinking of you Guys.