First Time Poster - Long Time Sufferer

[Jet08]

Hi All, thought it was time to reach out, put my hand up and say 'I'm tired, I'm not coping and I'm scared'. I have been diagnosed with major depression and just recently added anxiety to the list, I've been on different medications for 10 years but still struggle. I recently started a new job that is slowly progressing well, I have moved away from a farm that I thought was home for 11 years and I feel like my relationship has come to a natural end. I sent my partner a message early this morning, after not speaking to each other for over a week, I reached out to him and said that I was struggling and not coping - but got nothing back. In my head that tells me he just doesn't care. I am struggling financially and truth be told I have always struggled with money and not been smart over the years. I don't want much I just want security and contentment. I am just so tired, I have no energy or drive to do anything and I know that is part of depression but it's killing me inside. I want to active I want to move and I want to feel happy, I just don't know what to do to feel that way again. I guessed this was a good place to start. Thanks for listening/reading

[PamelaR]

Hi Jet08

A very warm welcome to our forums. So pleased you found your way here, and yes, it is a good place to start. Well done.

Depression and anxiety can be the pits can't they. I've lived with both for decades. Having said that, my life has been good. What I've found is finding ways to manage the down times. Not sure how you go, but identifying the triggers is a way I started to being better at managing those times. Usually, it something that triggers me, that sends me off into anxiety (which I never realised), the unmanaged anxiety always turned to depression. And so the cycle has gone on for decades. Now identifying those triggers helps to manage the anxiety before it becomes depression. Ha! I say. It helps, it doesn't stop me from getting anxiety or depression, just makes my journey a little easier.

It sounds like you have had a few changes in a very short time - started a new job, ended a relationship, financial difficulties. Not to mention what's happening in Australia with COVID. All these things are triggers for those of us with mental health conditions. You've come to a good place to know you're not alone.

There are many good posts throughout our forums that you might find useful. Do some searches using the search field at the top of the page. That's if you want to of course - no pressure.

Just a thought - are you seeing a health professional, e.g. psychologist? Might be helpful or you could phone or do some online chatting with one of the many services providers available, e.g. -

• Relationships Australia 1300 364 277
• Lifeline 13 11 14 or www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/Crisis-chat
• Beyond Blue Support Services 1300 224 636 or www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport (1pm-12am)

Kind regards

PamelaR

[quirkywords]

Jet

Welcome to the forum.Thanks for reaching out.

I think your partner does care but is confused.

I can relate to feeling tired.

Pamela has written a supportive and helpful reply.

We are listening to you and you are not alone.

[geoff]

Hello Jet, and also a warm welcome to the site.

We know exactly what you have told us and do feel so sorry that you have been put into a situation like this, especially moving away from a place you always thought would be home is devastating and many of us have been in the same position and understand your grief.

Whether your partner doesn't care or whether he too is suffering from some type of depression is not known but it's awful when you want to contact him but get no reply at all and leaves you wondering what is happening or how he actually feels and presuming an answer is only being made as you're tired, not coping and definitely scared of what may be the case.

We understand how frightening this is for you and realise you need a helping hand because there is much you are not sure of what to do because all you want is to feel happy and content, not only in life but also in your relationship, this may seem easy on the surface but not when you are caught in the middle of it.

Firstly if you are not happy with any of your doctors you may consider consulting another one, especially as the medication has not been of any help for you, just a suggestion and in your comment, there is much we want to assist you with, so can I ask if you are receiving any Centrelink benefits, to begin with and please take your time.

My best.

Geoff.

[Jet08]

Thank you for responding to my post, I really do appreciate it. Perhaps you may be able to point me in the right direction, I think I would very much benefit from talking to someone but at the moment money is so tight I cant get to a GP or psychologist as I have usually done in the past. What free short term services are available, I do hate asking for free help as I have always been able to pay for services myself and don't like being a burden on any service stream.

[Jet08]

Hi Geoff, thanks for reaching out. I think my partner does find it hard to help or show care when it comes to my depression and you are right I think he is suffering some level of depression but will not talk about it. With my medication I think it is the level I am on, a few months ago my GP - who is fantastic but is located in Canberra and now I have moved away I cannot get too. Lifted my dose to 75mg, it was my call as I just felt I wasn't coping during the decision process of moving and changing jobs. I feel like now I could go back to 35mg as this was working quite well. It's just financially I cant get to a new GP right now and that's a tough thing for me to say outloud, I don't like asking for handouts. I have never been on government assistance and not sure what assistance is out here for me, I don't have any children and have a full time job. Things just feel so overwhelming

[Jet08]

Thank you for listening and reaching out, it's so easy to feel alone and forget that there are people out there who do understand and are going through their own struggles. It's funny through this COVID business people have talked about how isolated they feel and I could never really relate, living on farms in the outback as I have done in the past I am used to isolation and having 4 dogs I never really travel anywhere as its difficult with the furbabies (especially when one doesn't like people very much). Isolation for me is when I feel like there is no one out there that can help, no one out there that actually cares or would be there if I put my hand up and asked for help. It's hard to get rid of those voices in your head at times, but I think these forums will help lighten my feeling of isolation.

[geoff]

Hello Jet, thanks for getting back to us and having 4 dogs on a farm is lovely, each one has their ability and if you're like me I can't go anywhere with my puppie.

I'm not a doctor so not qualified to say, however, when you were taking 35 mg could the situation have been different to what it was when you're taking 75 mg and not as stressful, and need to consider your general well being.

You can ask for a telehealth consultation if you like and the doctor can also offer you a 'mental health plan' which is available to anyone, this entitles you to 6 to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year to see a psychologist who may also do a telehealth session.

At the moment it's about getting you the help you need, rather than helping your partner because you need to have the strength to cope with him and if you aren't feeling well enough then it's going to affect you.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Jet08]

My furbabies are amazing in knowing when mum is not doing well, my red heeler (the one in my profile pic) will stay on the bed with me all day when I'm having a "bad day", and the Poodle will make me laugh when he gets the zoomies on and makes the 12 year old kelpie chase him.

I might get in touch with my GP in Canberra and do a telephone appointment, she has been amazing with my mental health over the years.

I know I don't have the capacity to help him and I am really not bothered with that, as harsh as that sounds I need to get me right first.

[geoff]

Hello Jet, you're right you have to look after yourself, you're not in a position to help him because you don't know where to start or even if that's what you want to do, so take care of yourself at the moment.

Your health is very important and your puppies would know how you are feeling, they always do, that's what so lovely about animals.

My best.

Geoff.