FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

First time here

Yellowpelican
Community Member

Hi there

I don't really know where to begin as this is a new thing for me as I've been told growing up to keep things to myself but here we go.

I'm in my 20's and have a full time job and also studying to further myself in my career. But the last few we I don't have the motivation to go to work or keep up with my studies and the only thoughts in my head are I'm so tired, just stop with studies, you can't do it. And in the last week or two at work it has just been crazy in a rush to get stuff done and blame seems to get put on me rather than equally through the team.

Also another thing, I've never been comfortable talking around money with anyone (even my partner) but that's all she seems to care about at the moment and every bit of money I spend on myself for the house she loses her mind over.

It might not seem like much but to me it's alot and it's just to much some days

4 Replies 4

Harlow88
Community Member

Hi Yellowpelican,

It sounds like you’re having a hard time right now. Full time work plus studies is very difficult, but remember how hard you’ve worked and how amazing it is.

When things get a bit too much for me I book in to my gp and get a referral for a counsellor, would this be something you’d consider? I found the first time that it was very helpful and I felt a big relief, things came out that I didn’t know were issues!

Have a think about it maybe?

As for your partner, can you have a chat with her and find out where you both stand with financial views?

Money is a tricky one but if you’re both on the same page it might be a good idea to see where you’re both at so you can hopefully come to a compromise.

Hope this is helpful, and welcome to beyond blue. Everyone here have been so helpful to me, I hope you find what you’re looking for here 🙂

tranzcrybe
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Burning the candle at both ends, my friend, and it seems your partner feels like something akin to a blowtorch burning you right at the centre. I see how this could feel overwhelming. What is your motivation - family, bigger house, status? Your age gives you the strength to achieve all of these things, but you are currently feeling defeated by overbearing peers and partner and you desperately seek reassurance in your own abilities where little is to be found.
You work for income, study for advancement (and better income), of which partner hopefully has a vested interest in building a solid foundation for both of you.
Does she work also? If so, then spend as you please as she would respond in kind - two people living their own lives...together; if not, then consider that your earnings are effectively subsidised by her contribution in the home and any impulsive spending is actually deducting her wages - your money is very much her money if you follow my thinking.
Keeping a budget can reveal any holes in your savings 'bucket'. A dollar saved here and there can amount to thousands off your mortgage in years to come - your partner might understand this better than you at the moment.
Partnership in life is no different to that in business - you need to be accountable. The fact that you are the breadwinner does not make you authority over how money is spent (Equally, if partner works, the same thing applies).
Recognising this and being fiscally responsible should lead to more harmonious and supportive lives together. No need to be stingy, but remember you are now a family unit with all that entails (and your partner needs that assurance very much).
Security often implies compromise and planning your finances and long term goals together should garner the support you desire. However, I do think we all suffer the strain around this time of year, and as things settle down in the months to come, you can get your thoughts back into focus again.

Isabella_
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Yellowpelican,

Welcome to the forums 🙂 For someone who has been told to keep things to yourself growing up, I'm really glad that you've come here to open up.. I know it isn't easy.

The forums are a safe place for you to share, connect with people going through similar things, and just to let things off your chest and feel heard. We're all here to listen and have a chat when you need it.

I hope you come to know that regardless of whether you think your problems are big/small.. They all matter. Things build up, pile on top of each other and get too much, and it's more than okay if you're struggling because of that. When we have things on our mind deep down and aren't in a good place, seemingly smaller things can set us off.

From what I've read.. What you're going through doesn't sound small to me.

You're a hard worker with a lot on your plate, and you're under a lot of pressure at work, with studies and at home.. It sounds like you're really burnt out and exhausted and lately you haven't been in the headspace to juggle everything. It's near impossible to demand constant high performance when you're under that much stress..

When you're constantly on the go, keeping things together and bottling them up for so long, it seems to catch up to the point where your mind is too exhausted to keep up with simple things.. And in my mind that's more than natural. We can only take so much..

From what you've written, it sounds like things between you and your partner are tense too.. Having blame put solely on you at work rather than the whole team is even more weight to carry.

It sounds like you're second guessing your ability to keep up with your studies.. Do you feel that it's unrealistic with everything going on to balance the two? Is it coming from a place of disappointment where you feel like you're too stressed to cope at the moment, and do you believe it's possible for you to make it work when you're in a better place mentally?

You mentioned that your partner loses her mind over the money your spending.. Would you be comfortable sharing more about that?

Working full time while studying is a huge commitment.. It's amazing that you're doing that and furthering yourself in your career. I asked a few questions but don't feel pressured to answer if you aren't comfortable.. Share as little or as much as you'd like.

I'm here for a chat when you need it and I'd love to learn more about what's going on for you.

I hope you're taking care ❤️

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Yellowpelican, at your age it's not easy to decide what is your best option, work, study, improvements on the house and please your partner and it's difficult to please everyone all at the same time but you can't, so list your priorities, and if your study is last on your list, then consider deferring it until a later date.

Sometimes work experience can carry more weight than a qualification, only because the company may do their business another way than what you have been trained for.

Try and set a budget for the house that will appease your partner and can I ask if this is a joint venture together or just your house.

At the moment there seems to be much that's dragging you down and making you so tired, that's totally understandable, so your list of options is very important.

You can contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or by web chat and online counselling, these people are trained counsellors and dress in casual clothes, which tends to make people feel more relaxed.

Would like to hear back from you.

Geoff.