Feeling awful - dieting

[Unknown167]

Hi everyone. I’m new here.

I have had an awful day.

I was doing this diet for 4 weeks - lost a lot of weight and was feeling great. 

I recently lapsed on my diet and am feeling miserable and guilty… my family is putting a lot of pressure on me to lose weight - putting me down and calling me names.

I don’t know what to do. I am overweight and need to lose weight - I was making such progress but really messed things up. It is making my head spin just writing about this…

Thanks,

Unknown

[Croix]

Dear Unknown167~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a good place to be, full of people who are friendly and have had all sorts of experiences - including dieting.

You don't have to look far to find all sorts of views on dieting, simply use the search  spyglass at the top of every page for "dieting" here in the forum. You'll find over 100 hits to browse though.

Your story (not your family, just you) is a pretty common one as diets are extremely hard to keep on and every time one ceases it seem like a personal failure - which it is not.

I had to diet to go on a course, and lost a lot of weight using a hospital dietician to work out a menu for me. That was fine and I confidently got my clothes altered to fit the new slimmer me. Sadly once the course was over the motivation was gone, normal life took over again and my clothes no longer fitted:(

The main point is it was not my normal life and my natural weight came back. So you are fighting against how you would normally be. It's not impossible, however there is more damage done by having a relapse and blaming yourself than is good for you.

Can you accept that it is a bumpy road for just about everyone, and each time things go wrong it gives you experience. Something you can use the next time so things do not go quite as wrong again?

Also try not to micro-manage, try to look at the scales once every couple of months so it does not rule your life. The less worry and stress you have I'm sure the better you will go. It is the long term view you need most, not reactions to frequent checks.

I'm sorry about your family, they sound not only unkind but also on completely the wrong track. Every victory no matter how small sould be praised and encouraged, and every down supported with encouragement.

If you would like to say how you go that would be good, we would like to know how you go in your battle.

Croix

[indigo22]

Hello Unknown167,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your experience. Firstly, I want you to understand that doing something for someone other than yourself will not work because you are being forced to go against the grain. Secondly, diets don't usually work because they can become too restrictive and as you have already found, you can lose the momentum. I think you will find that a strategy that will work is changing your eating habits so that your intake is healthier on the whole but allows you the occasional treats or favorite things. Look at it as 90% healthy food like fruit, veg, nuts, plenty of water etc. and 10% of your favorite foods. Some moderate exercise like a daily walk or, if you prefer, an exercise bike, rowing machine or similar that you can do inside. Most importantly, you must decide that you want to do this for yourself and no one else if you want it to work. Your family sounds very unkind as Croix said, I am sure they are not perfect either, you just haven't sunk to their level of pointing out their faults as they have with you. It may be difficult but try not to let their words distract you from living life in the way it suits you to live. There is no need to be so hard on yourself, there are already others doing that. Instead, start with manageable goals and lose the weight slowly as that is the trick to keeping it off, be kind to yourself always, if you slip, there is always tomorrow to do better. Plus we are here to give you encouragement when you need it.

indigo22

[quirkywords]

Unknown, 

indigo and Croix have given you helpful suggestions from their experience. 
Motivation is hard if the diet can not be followed in your day to day life. 
Is losing weight what you want or what others want  for you.?

Do you like walking or other exercise.?
Moving can help mental health as well. 

[Croix]

Dear Unknown~

There have been some good points about what you want as against what other people want. I hope you are trying for you, not because you believe others who tend to be very negative.

One thing that is important is to lose the concept of failure, it simply does harm and is inaccurate anyway. A diet is a an extra and heavy load. If you had to carry suitcase down the road and had to stop from time to time you would not regard it as a failure, simply a natural pause to be expected.

Diets can be like that, and it is the long term progress that is the result. You are human, not super-person.

Croix

[therising]

Hi Unknown

Good for you, putting so much effort into becoming who you truly are, a habit forming legend. I know, easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up too much for briefly getting out of certain habits. A lot of different circumstances can lead us to break good habits we're in the process of developing. Am actually reading a book at the moment that relates to habit forming, 'Atomic Habits' by James Clear. A lot of interesting facts in there which can help explain why new habits can become challenging to develop and maintain.

As others have touched on here, it's definitely important to establish whether we're out to achieve for our self or we're doing it for others (aka 'people pleasing'). Personally, I'm a gal who's trying to lose weight for myself because my knees are screaming on occasion (through pain) 'IT'S DESTROYING US, TRYING TO SUPPORT THIS MUCH WEIGHT!'. I have very chatty knees 😅. Most parts of our body love us losing weight. Our lungs love us for it, making it easier for them to breathe. Our heart and vascular system love us for it and the list goes on. It really helps provide us with a lot more energy too. There'll definitely be a number of triggers that take us out of the habit briefly but as long as we get back into the habit of being our knee loving, lung loving, heart loving energy producing self that's what counts.

People...hmmm. They can be so triggering at times. While people used to set off my depressing inner dialogue, leading me to become incredibly down, I've learned to trust my feelings over time. If people's comments feel depressing, it's typically because they are. The challenge of calling people out can be a big challenge but one that we can rise to meet, through practice. When people say depressing things to me, these days I focus on channeling my inner cow. I can typically feel it coming to life through anger. Okay, so here it comes and then it may say 'You do know you're depressing at times'. That person or those people may insist 'No I'm not. You're just sensitive'. I smile when I say my response to this is 'Hell yeah, I'm sensitive. I'm sensitive enough to sense how depressing your comments are. If you're too insensitive to feel them, let me tell you what they feel like...'. My inner cow is a sassy one 😁.

I think family members can be rather insane at times, when it comes to the things they may say or do. Doesn't hurt to point their insanity out to them. Inspiration is a driving force, degradation as a form of 'motivation' is just downright insane in my opinion. Inspiration or degradation, I know which one I'd much prefer to feel. You got this, you can do it and you can love yourself for it, just like every part of you will love you for it.

[quirkywords]

Unknown 167

Just wondering how you feel about the comments and how you feel about yourself. 
Take care 

[Guest_1282]

Hey mate just do your best, find things that can be good and healthier at the same time e.g. sushi things like that. But probably the wrong guy here aha, have some moments myself also yeah just yeah gotta think about what matters to you health wise. Rather than others, also with just going from not liking exercise to finding a niche/things with that there. That you like, if that helps great if not have tried aha. All the best