Do I need medication? Forever?

[Blueaqua]

My experience of medication was limited to an episode of depression during a hard time. I was dealing with unemployment, difficult home situation and relocating from overseas. Once things were back on track I was able to stop medication.

Then following the birth of my first child I was insanely anxious. Nightmares and agoraphobia. Too frightened to go outside for a walk, had fears of a car coming up the footpath and hitting the pram. Somehow muddled through and it settled down 5 months post birth.

When my second child came via an emergency c-section and having a toddler to care for too, this time I medicated for anxiety. I tried coming off it after a year and ended up a blubbering suicidal mess. My GP put me in a different medication which worked well, COVID came and he upped it. Higher dose led to BAD side effects. I’ve been weening myself off s-l-o-w-l-y since then.

Now down to the lowest dose and feel like my head is full of cotton wool. I feel down and trapped. But realise that recently I’ve experienced miscarriage, income loss, moving interstate, and VIC lockdowns. The restrictions do my head in. Not ideal scenarios. But life never is. So how do I know if my feelings are valid or if I need meds?

I just don’t want to be on it forever.

[mocha delight]

First I’d like to say blueaqua I’m sorry for all you’ve been through & I may of not been through all that or even half but I just want you to know if you ever need to chat I’m here for you plus I’m a good listener 🤗 and second I’m not sure if what you were on or not was a antidepressant or something else but maybe talk to your go how the last medication was making you feel/think and possibly talk about one that doesn’t make you go numb or feel numb. Mum was with me for when I talked about my issues & got my first & only so far antidepressant prescription and we both didn’t want me to prescribed one that makes you feel numb & nor do we believe in medication like that nor taking something like that. Which I’m glad I got a great gp that respects my opinions in all things health related to me so she didn’t prescribe me one like that.

[therising]

Hi Blueaqua

You're an absolute star (truly brilliant) in regard to how you've managed the overwhelming challenges that have come your way over time. It can be incredibly hard and potentially depressing, managing certain challenges, especially those that are new to us.

I believe, when we're highly sensitive, we are sensitive to the potential for every challenge to either raise us or bring us down. I escaped my depression more than 15 years ago and have managed not going back in, in a variety of ways, yet some challenges have had me on the brink (with a sense of fear and hopelessness). I knew lock down (round 2) here in Melbourne would seriously test me. I manage myself through excitement, creating breaks from those I live with, managing the household finances based on a predictable income (now all over the place), managing to add ventures to my life (adventuring) and the list goes on. This lock down has challenged the way I manage to stay out of a depression. It's definitely tested us all in thinking outside the square.

I can relate to the overwhelming challenges that can come with miscarriage and life after becoming a mum. They're mind altering life changing challenges that no one fully understands unless they've experienced the stress and sadness that can come with them. Part of that stress involves the pressure to perform 'normally'. Hard to do while you're experiencing these challenges through:

Mind: The thoughts that come to mind in relation to feeling like 'a failure' and as feeling worth less than what you were before are deeply taxing. The thoughts that have you feeling like you just can't raise yourself, no matter how hard you try, can mess with your identity - I am hopeless (without hope)

Body: The biology/chemistry that comes with depression is deeply impacting, enough to change our perception and our energy levels

Spirit: When raising our spirits feels like an impossible full time job, we can be left feeling spiritually exhausted (we just can't feel life or connect to it)

Yes, I'm a mind/body/spirit gal, fascinated by the way all 3 aspects of self interact. If 1 is off, it can potentially impact the other 2 in a variety of ways. I believe meds can be an effective way to shift our chemistry - impacting perception, function and natural energy or sense of connection to life. Rising through challenges without meds often entails a complex structure of management strategies. What helps us best manage will depend on a number of factors in play.

🙂