Hi Roscoe_ & Matto74.
Welcome to both of you and thank you for having the courage to reach out. There are so many of us here that can relate to the way you are feeling. I am in my 60s and have been dealing with dysthymia and major depression since I was about 12. The problem is that I didn't know it and was not diagnosed until my 40s. One of the things I strongly suggest is having a talk with the Beyond Blue Helpline about what you are experiencing. Or failing that, have a talk with your GP about it. We cannot diagnose on the forum but we are here to support you when you need it. Many of the thoughts and feelings you describe are quite common and feel very real to you, but what I would like you to think about is where they came from. We are not born with feelings of worthlessness, uselessness, despair etc. so if we have them now, we most likely learned them from the words or actions of others (family, teachers, friends, religion, etc.). My advice is to start questioning those thoughts and feelings as they come up and decide if they are your own or someone else's, how true are they in this moment? You say you are mostly ok at work so you cannot be worthless or useless or you would not keep your job. That is just one example of what am talking about. It took me years to realise how much of everyone else's beliefs I was living by, we learn from a young age how to act and when something is unacceptable to those we love and depend on, we bury it, and ignore that part of ourselves as if it is something to be ashamed of. It is perfectly ok to ask for help, more than that, it is the first step in learning to love yourself because the truth is that you are every bit as important as every other person on the planet, you have just forgotten that.
I hope this has in some way helped you both. Please feel free to post as often as you wish, we will be here, you are not alone.
indigo22
