Dealing with death
Thankyou for explaining and other members will benefit from this thread.
I do understand. I lost my older brother and uncle to suicide, my sister and I both attempted and last year my wife lost her dear mum, her dad and step dad within 6 months of each other.
It was only 13 years ago my sister and I found we are bipolar. That made sense. Regardless, we plod along, life is what you decide to carve from it.
In most ways grief, the relief from it, comes from two things- time and distraction. With time, everyone is different. I'm still grieving my dads passing from 1992. What has helped is my poetry about him and you can read them in the thread "poetry corner, post your poems here" use search. Some say "move on"... no, I'm happier thinking of him. Grief is personal, incomparable.
Distraction might need to be forced. It's OK to grieve but it's best to limit such sessions and returning back to life. Have hobbies, sports or interests. If you have a passion you're lucky.
Plant a bush in honour of people. Get a pet. Camping. The glory of life is easily missed.
I have some sites that you might find invaluable. Use Google
Maharaji prem rawat sunset
Maharaji prem rawat appreciate
Maharaji prem rawat all is well
Maharaji prem rawat the perfect instrument
Beyondblue topic variety and distraction
Beyondblue topic worry worry worry
Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get
One last thing. You deserve love and giving it can be rewarding even to strangers. You learned a lesson with someone toxic, many aren't.