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Community Member

Hi, I've just returned to Beyond Blue after being a member back in 2003.

For the past 12 months, I have been going through an extremely rough patch. Cannot sleep, although I take more than enough medication to get 5 people to sleep a good 8-9 hour period.

My mind is constantly racing overtime, am over thinking, over analysing things and is seriously affecting my work (doesn't help I'm a shift worker); also lie to friends to avoid socialising.

Went though a period (4 years ago) of self harming, but saw a young girl with same scars on her arms as mine and stopped, she saw mine and we made eye contact then both looked at each other's arms, then again looked each other in the eye with the "I understand what you are going through look"

I had a workplace injury 13 months ago (still recovering) and again had a second only 6 months after first injury.

Aside from my anxiety / depression medication, I'm in constant pain from my injuries and am also on high dosages of strong painkillers.

I just don't have anyone to talk to. Have seen 4 different "professionals" since 2002, but they don't seem to understand and one was very judgemental (& expensive). Friends don't get it as they don't see it from the outside.

I have also started "seeing" someone after a long period of being on my own, but as we both work in the same field and are both shift workers, am questioning whether this is a good idea. I mean, this person makes me smile & makes me feel good about myself, but when we have finished talking or seeing each other, I sink back into my anxiety & depression. I also hide the fact that I suffer from depression & anxiety from them.

I know there are many out there in the same position, but I just feel totally alone

3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Monsta71~

Welcome back, I'm afraid I don't know what you were discussing before, but your post today is very clear. And no it does not paint a good picture.

Physical pain seems, for me too, to promote frustration and make all my MH symptoms more pronounced. Then you add in the worry if everything will clear up until you as fit as before, plus workplace hassles, now you have a mix of meds as well. On top friends who, even if they are well disposed to you, do not have the experience or imagination to understand.

OK, a heap of hassles, somethings however stand out - you are not self harming. This is a real achievement, and to stay off for four years is very encouraging - impressive. I wonder if it had the same beneficial effect on that young girl, I hope so. I'd guess you may be over that, even if sometimes the temptation can be strong. If in doubt please seek competent help before anything happens, don't leave it too late. Techniques are available. Do you think that might be reasonable?

Unsympathetic or off-track medical support. Well that's 4 in 16 years, there are others. Do you think finding one who 'clicks' is a possibility? I'm no doctor but have been under treatment for a long time. I've come very much to the conclusion it is my confidence and rapport with the professional that makes treatment successful, not extra qualifications or price.

You also talk of a person who is starting to mean a lot to you. " this person makes me smile & makes me feel good about myself". Well true you will feel this person's absence when you are apart -that is only natural. However this is something you may end up treasuring.

As for disclosing your conditions, well I would think that is a judgment call. There have been occasions where I have eased into it gradually, and by doing so have got the person used to the idea all is not perfect, that way there is less of a shock when eventually the full facts are know. I'm not advising, you have to be the judge, and I guess that depends on your assessment of that other person.

You are not alone, we may only appear as text on a screen, but are real people and understand and do care


Community Member

Hello Monsta71

I am new here and new to forums in general, but have recently joined the Day Break community in regards to becoming alcohol free and have found it so supportive. You are wise to reach out for help in a safe place where people have real empathy for your situation. sending love to you, be kind and patient with yourself you are doing the best you can.

Community Member
Dear Monsta71, thank you for sharing. For me personally been able to voice how I'm feeling the way you have is a HUGE step. Reaching out to others is a good decision. I relate to so much of what you have written so thank you. I have for the first time in my life seen a psychiatrist 6 weeks ago who didn't want to make me scream! Over the past 25+ years I have seen many people with different qualifications and certificates but I think we all connect to people differently. It's not an easy process but please don't give up, you seem to have a lot going on. In my opinion it is good that you have someone who makes you smile, don't be afraid to open up (says the person who strugges to voice her feelings!!) and try not to let your mind think of the 501 million possibilities but what is happening in the hear and now. Do what feels right for you and I'm sending happy vibes your way 🙂