Burnt out

[HaGaNai]

1. So tired,constant headaches,my life is traumatic, I'm socially isolated. No friends, some home help thru NDIS for myself, I'm autistic with high anxiety & mobility issues & chronic pain issues. I'm sole carer of son who has autism & some delay due to oxygen deprivation @ birth. He is chronologically 28 but mentally 10-14. My emotional age is 17. I find taking care of him quite difficult in the day to day. Prompting for eating, toileting, showering, putting him to bed. I clean up after him, do his washing for him, remind him of things he needs to do & most often times he forgets. He goes out supported @ least 3 days a week, but I can't stand his endless prattle when he arrives home, on useless topics on animations he watches or real or imagined slights that may or may not have happened to him in primary school. He never has a " normal" conversation with me. He has no neurotypical friends. He circulates in disability inclusive supported events, & never meets new people just the " regular suspects". We are in regional/ rural QLD. I only give the state as gov help etc different each state. I will be twice his age next year. I have financial constraints as been on disability pension last 20 yrs, & duped out of any savings I've strived to achieve over the yrs. Father not in picture at all for almost that same amount of time. I'm exhausted & feel useless. I'm supported only in cleaning & shopping, & being taken to family funerals. At least I get to funerals, but it seems a non priority to help me visit the living. I find it devastating when my relatives die. I never see any family & I feel very disconnected mostly on a regular basis & then like I'm meeting with strangers if I move heaven & earth to get something to happen to see them, then I'm worn out, feel more anxious about my interactions with them, & feel overwrought & that it wasn't worth it to see them after all. And then I feel I should stay reclusive & not try to attempt a normality of life at all. Most attempts to access activities that interest me are always thwarted. Or I'm signed up for some " oldies" activity as there's gov funding for that. I feel conspired against. I eek out a survival, not a life. I'm trying to be responsible for my son, but I'm only seen as a mum or a carer, not a person to have any rights as themselves. My son has gotten cruises, dances, parties, coastal holidays. No one tries to support him into anything like a supported workshop, volunteer work. He expects life to be one big party on a plate. They have set him up with an irrational expectation. I have an older son, but I'm disconnected from him & he lives in another state.😔  😔  😔

[Croix]

Dear Hagannai~

Welcome here to the forum. Life certainly has handed you a hard time and you son's prattling on about trivia simply emphasizes the fact. You sound really used up.

A couple of things occurred to me while reading your post. I don't know if they are practical however something certainly needs to change, you cannot go on like this for ever.

The first is that no matter what you reserve a time each evening just for you. While at aged 10-14 your son may not appreciate this and it may result in arguments to start wiht if you persevere it can become a time when the world recedes in your mind and you travel elswhere. As an example I looked in my local library and found the entire "I don't have many freinds" series is on DVD to lend, and also each book in printed format. Maybe your library does too.

If you have already read these illustrated novels htere are others. this can become a time to look forward to each day.

Linked to that is getting your some to perform some useful tasks on a daily basis, from washing up to helping choose the shopping list. The idea of life as 'party on a plate' is a harmful one as you are well aware and a small gentle introduction to real life is necessary.

Your son is lucky to have you, not everyone would -or could - be able to try so hard to look after him. Even though I realise it my be extremely difficult - and you may even need professional advice how ot do it - in order for both of you to have livable lives long-term these sorts of changes are needed.

Please come back whenever you wish, you will find welcome and understanding

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Hagannai~

This is a repeat of hte post I sent you yesterday, the internet seems ot have lost the original:)

Welcome here to the forum. Life certainly has handed you a hard time and you son's prattling on about trivia simply emphasizes the fact. You sound really used up.

A couple of things occurred to me while reading your post. I don't know if they are practical however something certainly needs to change, you cannot go on like this for ever.

The first is that no matter what you should reserve a time each evening just for you. While at aged 10-14 your son may not appreciate this and it may result in arguments to start with if you persevere it can become a time when the world recedes in your mind and you travel elswhere. As an example I looked in my local library and found the entire "I don't have many friends" series is on DVD to lend, and also each book in printed format. Maybe your library does too.

If you have already read these illustrated novels there are others. This can become a time to look forward to each day.

Linked to that is getting your some to perform some useful tasks on a daily basis, from washing up to helping choose the shopping list. The idea of life as 'party on a plate' is a harmful one as you are well aware and a small gentle introduction to real life is necessary.

Your son is lucky to have you, not everyone would -or could - be able to try so hard to look after him. Even though I realise it my be extremely difficult - and you may even need professional advice how to  do it - in order for both of you to have livable lives long-term these sorts of changes are needed.

Please come back whenever you wish, you will find welcome and understanding

Croix