Welcome and Orientation

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Meet your community champions!

replies: 10

Hi everyone, We wanted to share with you the way that our wonderful Community Champions are here to support you. You may have noticed that a few of our Forums members are labelled ‘Community Champion’. Community Champions are volunteers within the Beyond Blue Forums who: have the time, skills and empathy to support other members regularly; help to welcome new members; are actively engaged members that help set the tone of our community. Our Community Champions are regular contributors to many conversations across the forums. They are a consistent and friendly voice that have committed to sharing their experience and expertise with this community. They are not health care professionals or clinicians. Like you, they have an experience with a mental health challenge or diagnosis – either for themselves or someone they care for. This forum is for people who understand what it feels like and have a lived and living experience of mental health challenges. Our Community Champions help everyone feel comfortable and confident by demonstrating what excellent peer support is all about. Click here to find out more about how you can become a Community Champion! This incredible team are excited to introduce themselves below, and we are sure you’ll see them around the forums in conversations important to you.

HELP..Am I posting in the right section?

replies: 10

Welcome to those who are considering posting for the very first time, welcome. Thought I would repost part of the words that Chris B posted awhile ago, (2014) as I can hear that people are unsure if they are posting in the right section or worried that they are posting "the wrong thing". 1.A good title makes the difference Just like a headline in a newspaper, when scanning the dozens of threads to click into, it’s only natural that people will choose the ones that resonate with them most. A title that entices the reader, or asks a question, is likely to get a better result than something non-descriptive like “Depression” or “I don't know what to do”. If you think you’re not good at choosing titles, leave it till last. Spend time writing your post, then perhaps choose a sentence from what you’ve written as the title. 2.Join in threads that have already been posted We all have our own unique stories, but part of the reason for joining a forum like this one is because you know that you will have a lot in common with others who are posting. Before starting a new thread, have a look through the current topics being discussed and see if there’s a conversation you can join in with. It can be quite common to have a handful of very similar threads happening at any one time, with members seemingly unaware that there are others right there who are going through the same thing. Talking to other members on their threads is a great way of getting yourself known so that when you post a thread of your own, people may respond quicker because they recognize your name. 3.Choose the most appropriate section for your post Many people browse the forums looking for stories specifically to do with pregnancy and parenting, employment, grief, loss, separation etc. Going straight for the “Depression” section may seem like the easiest option, but this section is often the busiest, so your post is more likely to get lost among the threads. Making good use of the different forum sections not only helps keep the forum relevant, but you’re more likely to find others who are going through the same experiences as you. Also, if you're wanting to discuss issues of trauma, abuse, suicidal thoughts or self-harm, it's really important you post in the designated section to avoid triggering others who may not wish to read about these topics. Mostly..just come and chat, we are here for you. Our amazing wizards in the background will see your message ends up in the right spot. Sarah

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I've just joined

replies: 3

hi, finally got the courage to join and make a start, not sure which way to go at moment but i have admitted to myself that i may need a hand.

New to this and a bit lost

replies: 1

Hello All, Recently I have separated from my wife of 5 years, 2 months after the birth of our first child, and getting out of an emotionally, financially and physically abusive relationship... I am obviously mentally struggling, having struggled with PTSD, Depression and Anxiety... I am writing this because I can no longer find the words to verbally describe how I feel, the events of the past 2 months have left me absolutely gutted and though in recent months I have found some comfort in the calm of escaping my past life, I have also found loneliness in the solitude, I have discovered the impacts my previous relationship had actually had on me and have come to the stark realisation…I guess I always had felt alone and that the reality is not much has changed… except one thing, one brutally painful and sickening thing…. I desperately miss my son. There is an old saying things are always darkest before the dawn… but what happens when as the sun rises you catch a glimpse of the path behind, littered with the corpses of poor decisions, ill conceived ideals and regret, and as you cast your eyes to the road ahead there is nothingness, just emptiness and the complete sense of utter dread, in side just the feeling of a bottomless void, like that feeling of a hypnic jerk before sleep, a perpetual sense of falling… There has been a thought that constantly circled through my head, an inner monologue asking “where did things go wrong?” answered with another even more elusive question “was it ever right?”. There is no yes or no, nor an exact moment, it simply is…or at least was. It is far easier in moments like this, to only see the negative in any given situation, but there are no negatives or positives, simple instances now suspended in time and memory slowly fading off into the distance. Ahead is the unknown, something I have always found unsettling, the sense of feeling lost but relentlessly stumbling forward driven by nothing but hope.

When is it time to tell your children about your depression?

replies: 7

Hi All, Very new to BB and have been dealing with my depression for probably most of life and only realised the last 10 odd years. Am a father to 5 children and married with a very busy life. Have recently come off meds after 18 months as they did in say way help but caused other issues for my relationship with my wife where she felt i was unemotional and unresponsive. Am seeing my GP soon for futher guidance on what to do. Withdrawals off meds has not been pleasant and feel like I am sinking to old ways. Feel on edge and explosive at times. I can now also seen that my older teenage kids are impacted by my moods, reactions, etc... and has become very difficult to hide the symptoms and impacts. My wife is the only person who knows about my depression and I am embarrassed and feel emormous guilt by telling anyone. I dont wont to burdon others particualary my kids with it. I dont want anyone else to feel in anyway responsible or part of my condition, however there is a part of me that feels like I need to explain it. It kills me when I blow up, am dismissive, rude, blunt, short, negative etc... and I feel so much guilt that i struggle with what effect it will have them if they know. Will they worry even more, will they be upset, let down, disappointed.... will they look at me differently... I am meant to be their strong, fearless leader.... brings me to tears just thinking about it. So should I tell them. Is there evidence to suggest that you should or should not tell them? How has it worked for everyone else. Does it help or created a whole swag of new issues.....

My Intro (You won't believe my last four years)

replies: 4

Hi all, My friends joke that my recent life should be a movie and I reply with "It would need to be a trilogy". Seriously.... 2016 - Move to a large property in NSW to care for wildlife (house burns down 3 days later) 2017 - Buy a second property and move again with my ex-partner (who appears to have narcissistic personality disorder) and start caring for wildlife 2018 - Finances start getting difficult. Controlling ex-partner won't let me sell one of the properties even though I paid for both and am the only one who works. Paying two mortgages is HARD. 2019 - The relationship is so bad I end up losing my successful career due to my huge drop in self-confidence due to the abuse. I split up with the controlling ex-partner, but then a couple who my psychologist describes as 'thieves and con artists' convinced me to sell them my other property in a very dodgy one-sided deal and THEN the Black Summer Bushfires destroy my home and property (that's right, second house to burn to the ground in 3 years). Also, my other property was destroyed the same day. Oh, and because I cared for wildlife, I returned to my destroyed property and thanks to help from volunteers and vets, we remained on the property putting out spot fires and treating injured wildlife for months. I lived for six weeks without septic, running water or electricity so I could help the wildlife. 2020 - 14 months since my split and the controlling ex-partner has already cost me $60K in legals and we haven't even made it into mediation. Even the judge is getting annoyed at his lawyer's shenanigans. I now find myself in three, yes THREE upcoming court battles. One with the ex, one with the people who took advantage of me and a defamation case. To top it all off, my younger brother died and even that wasn't an ordinary death. He was born in New Zealand and raised in Australia but had a criminal record so he'd been in detention for over 4 years. His death in detention is with the coroner and they can't give us a cause of death yet because the coroner has decided it needs a full inquiry. So... a prolonged and painful 'divorce' from a 5 year relationship with no kids, two bushfires, one house fire, the loss of my 24 year career and a death in the family.The last 18-months of my life have been beyond difficult. My love for the wildlife is the only thing that keeps me going.

Widow. Lonely & depressing

replies: 2

My husband died last year. It was so sudden. He was working then 6&1/2 weeks later he was dead. Never in my wildest dreams would I have though I would be a widow at 50. He was only 52. He was such a sweet and wonderful person. It’s been so up and down for me and it’s getting worse, not better. And I guess this corona virus hasn’t helped. I feel so lonely and sad. We had no children. We tried! Unfortunately it wasn’t to be for us. My husband had a child from his previous marriage. When I was down about not have children. He use to say she’s ours But after his death she cut off contact and is contesting the Will. I’m heart broken...can anybody relate to this or just connect so I don’t feel so alone?? Thanks for reading

Late life crisis... and considering MASSIVE bold career shift!

replies: 6

I am a late 40's guy, single parent of 2 high achieving teenage kids, with a well paid full-time job in IT Project Management, a supportive partner and a healthy exercise regime that keeps me fit and sane. So what do I want to change? I'm sick of my job. My employer shows zero compassion for anyone, they provide little value to society and I find myself resenting every minute I spend in the workplace. Lately this has bubbled over into poor performance in the workplace and I would not be surprised to find myself out of a job soon. Of course I could look for another job with a different employer - but deep down I know my disillusionment runs deeper. I need to do something more fulfilling. "I have a dream" - as somebody quite famous once said. Of starting my own charity/non-profit organisation, it would involve a crazy amount of work to set up including a return to uni - but I want to run it by some people and see if it has 'legs' (pun intended) Charity Name: "Mental Marathoners" Goals: 1. Help those struggling with mental health issues to gain the physical and mental benefits of regular exercise in a social group setting 2. Support and encourage the formulation of lasting good habits and friendly support networks 3. Be accessible to all regardless of body shape, speed or ability I envisage taking small groups (10-12 people) with a range of mental health backgrounds and offering them a combination of counselling & run coaching to work together as a group to achieve a common exercise goal. (Half marathon perhaps?). The benefits of working as a group would be enormous, the benefits of regular exercise well documented and understood, and the benefits of working towards and achieving a tangible if challenging goal would be amazing. At the end of a program hopefully, participants would be sufficiently ingrained in their new exercise habit and full of confidence that they could possibly join regular community running groups and maintain their healthy lifestyle. (Joining an established group from *scratch* is often seen as VERY intimidating and a huge barrier to participation in exercise). How could I do this? I can qualify as an exercise coach easily enough - but would a post-graduate diploma in mental health practice be sufficient for this venture to get off the ground? Is this a good idea? Do you think it could take off? Any thoughts ideas or advice anyone can offer would be welcome - I have a whole bunch of thoughts about this - but no idea where to start!

Introduction

replies: 1

Hi my name is Jason I’m 31 born in England moved to Australia when I was 10. I suffer from anxiety and depression I’ve also learnt recently that I am a womaniser.

Anxiety about being inadequate

replies: 26

I constantly feel inadequate at work. I feel like my co_workers are better than me. It does take time for me to learn new things...and l am slow. I try my best. I am constantly worried about making mistakes. I just wish l could feel equal to my collegues. There are several younger collegues whom l work with, who have got promoted before me I feel like l need to take stock, and realise that my personality doesn't fit into a manegerial position. I also struggle giving direction. I like to be directed by my collegues. My constant catastrophising over things that may go wrong at work is paralysing me with fear I feel like l should be better at my job than what l am. Sometimes l feel like my boss thinks l'm a bit of a joke, when it takes longer for me to work out a computer system. I'm glad l could post my problems with anxiety on here.

Loyal husband who's wife of 14 years has left again, I feel so bloody lonely

replies: 3

Hi, Im struggling at the moment as my wife is leaving, anyone up for a chat, im feeling pretty abandoned

Newbie on the block

replies: 4

Hi everyone, I'm Tom, and kind of new here, though I've been 'registered' here for about five years. I thought that I had posted before, but it appears not. Life has been a challenge from the beginning and I'm now really the closest I've been to knowing myself and being okay with me as a person, and my lived experience. I'm a mid-40's dad and husband, married for more than half of my life. I've been studying for the past 10 years and still going. As for mental health, I was diagnosed some yeas ago with a Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, a mild OCD, and PTSD. I was sexually abused for over 14 years and into adulthood growing up in a dysfunctional and sometimes violent family with whom I have zero contact. I am also a gay man and was subjected to conversion therapy (Not a legitimate or ethical therapy) aka "Pray the Gay Away." Being a gay man and married to a woman has been hard, and seems to get harder the more comfortable I become in my identity. In terms of career/vocation, I spent a number of years in the public sector and State Government. I've been involved in 'people helping' for many years having facilitated 12-Step Recovery groups (similar to AA or NA), peer support work and also working with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse which has been such beautiful and rewarding work for me. Since 2010, I obtained a Bachelor of Theology and was drawn to spirituality and contemplative practice, but it was counselling that drew me most, and I now work as a counsellor, psychotherapist and art therapist. I'm also involved in facilitating men's work and equiping men with tools and skills to more authentically live their preferred life. And I really love what I do! Outside of 'work' I enjoy architecture, film, music, photography, poetry and Lego. It's been a very long journey (and it's not over yet) to get to where I am now and I've learnt a lot along the way and I really enjoy being able to share of my own experience and coming along side others to share the road. Probably the hardest thing to learn has been my own worth, and I'm still going on that one. But it has been worth it, and I'm learning how to embrace who I am, all of me, wobbly bits and all, and offer myself to the world - scary as that is at times. I look forward to getting to know you too

Meet your community champions! replies: 10

HELP..Am I posting in the right section? replies: 10

I've just joined replies: 3

New to this and a bit lost replies: 1

When is it time to tell your children about your depression? replies: 7

My Intro (You won't believe my last four years) replies: 4

Widow. Lonely & depressing replies: 2

Late life crisis... and considering MASSIVE bold career shift! replies: 6

Introduction replies: 1

Anxiety about being inadequate replies: 26

Loyal husband who's wife of 14 years has left again, I feel so bloody lonely replies: 3

Newbie on the block replies: 4